Leaving the Beaten Path

We have almost twenty years into this, and the last few years was a pattern of escalating solitude and unfamiliarity .  An Isolation so silent that it shook us when we both finally felt it.  Our growing individuality drove us down varied paths, but were we mostly on the same path together?  Trying so hard to be the “person” you feel the other person needs, when does one lose their self along the way??

me

Not quite midlife for us, but we always did have to mature faster than other teens/young adults.  Now today we are hitting the time that we need to do for ourselves.  I believe feeling empty, can lead to craziness 😐

When you feel yourself slip away, no matter your age; don’t make habit of being a person you don’t want to for the sake of others.  You will always short change yourself; There is only one me in this world, no one can be me better than i can; so why am i not doing it?  We need to love ourselves, and loving yourself is knowing when to walk away from situations that deter you from being happy.

Seen as the one who forsake simply because I was the one who had to walk out the door; lets always face the truth~

I didn’t leave 3 months ago, we chose together to leave a few years ago.

Married at eighteen, both  with so many dreams, we struggled, celebrated, and hoped all along the way.

I see it wasn’t me, it wasn’t you, but somehow “we” got lost along the way.

A person needs to admit to themselves when the waiting needs to cease, waiting for what?  Nothing is coming to us, we have to go find it!  What was that last straw that made me want to go find it without you?  Too many troubling tears, but always hoping through my tears we would find our way back together.  I am sorry, I had to leave but what we shared the last few, wasn’t right and you know it’s true.

Too many why’s will keep us wondering.

But, I can’t keep from looking back pondering on those moments when I sat and thought, and waited for us, the ‘us” that never came back. Physically, mentally, emotionally we decided to part without even noticing.  Things are easier to see, they usually are when you are apart.  Deep inside my heart still cries for “us”; but reality knows that we can never go back to where we were before.  The little girl who I allow to live within me wants to stomp her foot and scream because we lost control of one of the most beautiful things we shared together, our lives as one.  It wasn’t me, it wasn’t you; it was US to blame, neither of us stopped and said, “Hey WE are slipping away~”.

The sand thought me one thing: You can’t hold on too many things no matter what you do to make them stay, and no matter how much they want to stay. the wind will always blow them away. So learn to let go and choose carefully which you want to stay, because like sand, only those which are in the center of our palm will remain.

4 comments

  1. […] Leaving the Beaten Path […]

    Like

  2. […] Leaving the Beaten Path […]

    Like

  3. […] many of you know I am currently going through a divorce; which is one of the hardest things in life I have faced.  I met my soon to be ex husband at a […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

A WordPress.com Website.
%d bloggers like this: