I will never forget the first time you came into my life. I saw this powerhouse of a man in such a small shell. You were so full of life; I was afraid you would spring out of this world!
When you talked, you didn’t just say what you needed to, each word took on a life of its own. The excitement of your language made me want to keep talking to you, forever. Your eyes were wild but had such a softness to them that no matter how mad your eyes showed you were, your loving nature took over.
But you were far from soft, only your family made you weak.
You are a strong man; you allow nothing to allow the existence of fear. What most would fear, never phases you. Tomas= definite survivor. You always moved so fast you seldom stayed at one point for too long, and you always proved to be brave, a courage above and beyond the brave that the common man held!
The first time I saw you, you and Jose were fighting and wrestling on the couch, tempers were everywhere and that is the same time when I knew I had found my home.
But where are you now? What happened, where did you go; I think you maybe home; I mean our final home…
I miss the strength of your voice that always made me laugh with the occasional high-pitched annunciation. I always found comfort in the bellows of the depth of your loud, and original laugh, your charming broken English kept us connected through the most effective faulty wiring. You are one of a kind Tomas, only you can make me feel fear and safe at the same time. There is no doubt in my mind you wouldn’t put your life on the line for your family, I always knew it and I always felt it, thank you for all the protection and care. Feeling safe under your care was never taken for granted, you kept your emotions at the given level, slight to mighty; and on occasion they would take us all over the edge. I always trusted you because I knew I could, I knew your heart and a little of the scars.
Sometimes you would go; and disappear into your own world where you felt you needed to be, It hurt, it made us mad, and we may never understand… But when you came back you gave so much love, we just had to enjoy you for the moment… Because we needed you; all that you were.
I loved the fact you knew me, the true me, the good, the bad, the angry, the sad, the sick, the well, the chiflada, the spoiled, the humble, the forgiving , the unforgiving, the sinner, and the saint 🙂 and you accepted me, as is. You loved me for all I am- my tough /sweet blend you understood or tried to !!!! I was Michele no matter what; and all you wanted to do was make me smile and laugh again at least while we were all together ! I was a teenager just becoming an adult when our lives came together, you were the father I needed at that time in my life, to make me understand I was valuable, worthy, and taken care of; I will forever be grateful.
Thank you for making me so mad and so happy, so sad and so excited – I can still hear your voice when I silence the world around me, and I hear… “Michele, tienes hambre”; “Michele estan triste”; and my all-time favorite, “Michele estan enohados” .
Thank you for being excited about life with me, teaching me it’s OK to eat with your hands because we were eating like gods, “food for the gods”, taking me on numerous journey’s in more than one country 🙂 Thank you for always trying to get a rise out of me whether it was cat calling outside the car just to make me mad, while I held onto my fierce loyalty for Juanita who I knew was the ONLY woman who deserved your “cat call”!
I’d yell “Los feos gorditas, “…and you and Juanita would laugh and laugh.
All the years you were gone under lock and key; I never ceased to write, send pics because I didn’t want you to miss one day milestone of your granddaughters life.
I tried to be there to show you had my support and loyalty as well even if all I could do was be there for you so that you could see even if all I could do was show you I was there for you and would be for as long as I could. I wanted you to know how much I love and respect you; and always will. I hope you know wherever you are that I accept you as is, the perfect imperfect way that is Tomas, Martin… , because you did it for me first.