Definitely hit a different plateau not sure where things are going but I feel a complete difference that feels oh so incomplete !
Or Like I’ve been shocked or taken out of my frequency and thrown into a different one, very unfamiliar… As if someone pulled my eyelids open or took off a pair of glasses I’ve had on and I’m vision is different… Was it distorted before or is my vision distorted today.
The past revisits are not always healthy for the soul, I know it but love the torture of the visits. Whether I look for the past or it happens to stalk me.
I seek or welcome these terrible monsters from the dead I have successfully slayed and decide to give it a few blows to watch it breath and come to life…. Maybe I want to fight again, maybe I want to see how much stronger I’ve gotten. But in reality once they breathe I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop it because it too seems stronger.
Remembering specific moments when that one event would forever change the course of your life because after it , it changed who you are forever. Sad to remember so many times my innocence was taken and more sad when I chose to freely give it away and for what, a chance of survival? What a sad thing! Life really isn’t fair in more than a zillion ways.
Does the innocent girl deserve what happens, do we tell ourselves it’s all for a reason so we can justify our own tragedies…. Were some people put on this earth to suffer like Jesus did and thats just it!!!!
Going back to bed for the few hrs left , I feel alone, sad, and confused like when I was 13 :/