Oh wait; I already am the Queen, POOF you’re gone; and just like that the thought of you in my mind can be gone. However for now I am going to share a little past, present, and future advice for anyone who has to deal with a bully, hater, or undesirable other who tries to make your life difficult.
When I was 8 Years old I had a teacher that was relentless! He was extremely expressive, flamboyant, he wore tight bell bottomed disco pants
I first saw him and appreciated the difference from the nun habits, and conventional conservative attire. I was only eight but already felt the strong need to express i was different than the rest. I didn’t like the fact my difference is what I appreciated and held onto and yet I was forced to simulate by wearing a catholic school uniform. I found my small expression of individualism wearing jewelry and other differing types of hair accessories. I also found at this time in my life; i could express myself in writing and engage an audience. I will never forget every Wednesday homework was due in his class, “make your own sentences from spelling words.” I remember working on my sentences the night before; I wanted to have fun with the assignment if it was something I “had to do.”
I had also enjoyed spending my free time making “brown books” for my auntie. I am not sure why I called them, “brown books” but the very first one was done in a brown book casing i found around the house so after; I think the name just stuck. I would cut out magazine photos and make jokes and funny sayings and put them in my book. She would then get the book at it’s completion and I would watch her crack up and go through the book with amazement at my creativity and humor. She made me feel she appreciated the books so i enjoyed making them for her.
Well; this teacher decided he would use my sentences as an example. He stood up and started reading them. The sentences were off the wall and funny so of course the whole class would start laughing. He would read them in this terrible whiny mocking voice; as to let everyone know they were absurd; as he would often say they were. I remember him giving me a look straight from my eyes to his; as if he was saying; “You think you are so cute and funny dear; I have the power to make your life miserable.” I didn’t quite understand why; but i felt it; and that he did. I didn’t want him to know he got to me mentally maybe I wasn’t ready to accept that myself so I decided to keep the sentences going and waited for the next “torture session” the following week. One day; my best friend and I were talking about it in the car as we waited in traffic and her mother overheard; she was fumed with anger. I will never forget it was the end of a busy day; and she parked the car and charged in his classroom; I don’t remember what all she said… I just know she warned him if he messed with me or her daughter again she would take him down; and believe me I know she could’ve. The disco wannabe never made fun of my sentences again but i was his focus from that point on.
He screamed “Nooooooooo! ” at the top of his lungs walked over to me, grabbed my arm and yanked all my bracelets off in one maneuver, then preceded to throw them up in the air as they landed all over the classroom room, that is when I learned snitches get stitches.
I will never forget the first time I got in a (fight) physical altercation. I must have been about 10 years old and I was with two of my friends walking around the neighborhood. I grew up at my grandma’s house she lived on the west side of San Antonio. I had made a few very good friends in the neighborhood and I spend much of my time walking around and just hanging out with them. One summer day, we were bored; we decided to go to a local grocery store and just check out who was there and what was going on. As we passed the produce department; there he was a “cute guy” who must have been a few years older than me. He was juggling the fruit and I laughed and giggled; as he observed how amused I was at his fruit entertaining skills he started to outdo himself and perform funnier moves. It wasn’t until my friends broke my hypnotized gaze that I noticed he was with a girl who was not only impressed with his moves but looked like she wanted to kill me. We continued on our way; until we got outside the grocery store and continued on our way home. Low and behold; there she was waiting for me and asking if I liked her boyfriend; she wasn’t really asking it was more of a statement that was hinting she didn’t want just a simple answer.
This was the moment I found out two things about myself; not only that I can easily be persuaded by stupid anger; but also that my pride would rule my world from this moment and years to come. I remember feeling very scared because I had never hit another person besides my family and friends… but I had a rush of extreme intensity that made me want to put that girl down on the floor, I felt very powerful but a weird such of resentment for making me feel like such an animal. We started fighting; i don’t even remember who made the first move; i just knew I was fighting for my honor; not so much for some guy who could juggle fruit; that I didn’t even know. I don’t know how long it went on; not very long and I don’t remember much except a police officer drive up in his car asking us if we wanted to go to juvey…. I didn’t even know what juvenile detention was at that time; so I asked him… “what is that, ” he then informed me it was jail for kids like us. I said, “NO!” he then said then go home and we did.
Fast forward a few years, and looking back I realized i did find a power rush in fights. The adrenaline of before the actual altercation; the excitement of the spectators~ the yells the screams; the funny statements because they wanted to see more and as much until that point when the fight was usually stopped by some force; usually a higher authority. I remember when I would go to bed at night; I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Why did so many people hate me?
I have to say every fight I had ever been in was with someone who didn’t like me just because I was me; not a particular action I had done, more times than not it was because of a particular statement their “boyfriend” had made about me; their boyfriend I didn’t even know existed. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have a “big mouth,” but I have a mouth and I never fail to make my expressions known and for some; they don’t particularly appreciate those who have different beliefs, or even just others with a voice.
Sometimes, I hated the fact I was mocked, mimicked, talked about, gossiped about, and every one of you who did this to me who is reading this right now; you didn’t break me, you made me; so thank you. I was told straight out by many if you calm down your expression you won’t be such a target; so what did I find myself doing, expressing myself in every avenue I could find; just to say I will be who I feel at this moment and if you don’t like it; bring it!
My parents really tried to give me all they could; but lets face it; my mom was 15 years old when she had me; my dad was 17. They put me in private school/catholic school because they wanted me to have the best education I could. I will always be grateful for the opportunity to attend a small Catholic School, because it brought me to understand my faith and enhanced my strong relationship I share today with the Lord. However, I knew I was different than everybody else; and the moment I felt the same; someone was there to remind me I wasn’t.
One thing i won’t forget is the truth I had busy and occupied parents. My parents would trade weeks taking care of me; and then they would ask for help from others in picking me up from school. Let’s just say I wasn’t always picked up on time. I was the kid who would make my way finding people to visit with until I was picked up. It never failed there was those parents who would ask where my parents were; passive aggressively comment how my parents could leave me and didn’t they care about me. The sad thing is I quickly learned where the children got their “i am better than you” thought process; and now that I am adult I think these parents should be ashamed of themselves telling a child crap like that. I know you know who you are, come on it was a small school, and you know your mother! I can’t believe for a moment I wished my parents were like yours, thank God they aren’t, that’s why I would never say such damaging shit to a child! Guess what I’m not embarrassed anymore and your mom is still well your mom! (to put it nicely) Oh yeah; and yes I keep you on my Facebook; not because you are a great friend; who was there for me during my hard times; but because I will remain in your face doing all those things that make you cringe; and your mama too!
Seriously, the people who are mad are the ones who are
‘mad because I’m doing me, better than you be doing you… “
For too many years I had the mentality…
I soon learned being a bitch was not someone I wanted to be; someone I enjoyed being; and someone I would want my children to see me as. If needed I will always be the fighting lion I feel I am inside; but I felt it was necessary to teach myself to love, respect, and smile more of the time. When I chose the path of forgiveness, I really found something to be true…It was hard to let go of revenge; and anger but things really did take care of themselves and I felt so much better about it.
Social Media is a sure way to let them know who you associate with; so that they can manipulate people you know. Just keep in mind; the only ones who will listen or be part of the lies are those just like them. Don’t worry you will never lose anybody worth it!
Remember these pathetic individuals are just another number on a long list of poor souls who need some some self love. How can anyone be angry at the needy?
I know its probably hard for you to understand this; but who-ever you are, if you are hating me; I have no idea where you are; what you are doing; I don’t watch you; I hardly think about you; unless someone tells me something or you make your pathetic scheduled attack; and I have to think for a moment; why its happening; OH yeah, I have someone out in this world who can’t stand me or what I do; yet can’t stop watching me.
A few reasons I ain’t playing with my stalkers is because I have learned a few things …
To all who have to deal with a hater or bully in life or cyber world I want to share this with you; I have had years of experience please take my word for it; remember this
Misery really does love company and the only reason bitter/unhappy people attack is to ruin your happy life; DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT POWER! Really; you have the power over your own feelings and what you will allow to piss you off.
Refuse to let anyone live in your mind; if someone doesn’t like you steals pictures of you to make fun of you, posts things to make fun of you, makes lies up and put them on social networks because they can, remember; the moment you allow anger or sadness to creep in your head they win. If people know you, they will know the truth; and guess what everyone else doesn’t matter.
Do NOT look to see if they are still talking about you; or what they are saying; why would you play mind games with your own self? The opinion of the lower life doesn’t matter; so what is knowing their lies going to do for you?
and if that is still not enough reason to ignore a hater remember