Jay Tomas is extremely dear to my heart because he is my one and only little man/son. Since I was a child, I always imagined myself as a girly-girl type mama. I had absolutely NO IDEA how I would begin to mother a son! I remember the anxiety and wonder when I would think too much, “Pregnant, and having a boy; how can this be, I won’t be able to connect with him, this will be strange! No connection; how in the world will I be able to parent this little guy?” Boys are just way too confusing, they are always teasing, joking, do they even really feel anything…
Then December 27, 2004 came, and Jay was forever in my life, I will never forget, one look into his little eyes and all my insecurities vanished. I held him so close and wondered how in the world I would find a way to ever let him go. I couldn’t believe I had spent the last 37 weeks worrying what I could offer some BOY, he wasn’t some boy, he was MY BOY <3
Jay was a completely adorable, very energetic, tiny, but meaty little tatter tot; his Pediatrician and I would joke, he was perfectly compact.
He would spend all his young baby/toddler years loving others especially with cuddles. He always brought happiness, laughter, and light into my days. He is extremely smart, and always kept me engaged with his magnificent imagination. While I was obsessed with him, he was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine all kinds of trains; and dinosaurs. He had toy models of every dinosaur that ever was; and he could tell you each one of their names; their actual Scientific names~ I couldn’t begin to articulate, each dinosaurs individual diet, and habits.
Jay is growing up too fast, time is passing by so quickly, I fear I don’t have enough time to enjoy all the excitement, absorb all the wonderful first time situations, and make sure that I am an expert parent because that is what he deserves. I can’t imagine not having kids, its such an important role to me. I know I can always aim to be a better mother, but I feel I give my all, and it makes me proud. I guess of all the different roles and parts I play in this theatre of life, being a mom feels like one of the most natural parts, it brings me back to the ground when I get flighty. It makes me work harder, not for me, for them.
Realizing you are the spiritual, emotional, and all around leading-coach to guide this new little human to their specific greatness. The responsibility can be overwhelming because the truth is, it IS a major job; but it hardly feels like work when you are giving your all to someone that completely turns your world around and around in ways no one else could. I want to hold onto his little boy voice, that will soon enough be a faint memory.
Everyday I need to stop and remember how blessed I am because this sweet, handsome, caring, funny guy is my son.
This story is beginning with Jay…
Once upon time, well; it was really about two years ago :); my most favorite son, Jay Tomas was in the 3rd grade.
During this time, I had gone back… once again to my addiction, the desire was intense. I picked up my on-again-off-again relationship I had become accustomed to for many years of my life. My complete motivation was to escape in a RUN. I would run, run, run, and run and if I wasn’t running I felt I should be. Finding excitement in the preparation itself; discovering that new intimate spot, or going to an old all-time favorite place where the run would begin and end. The anticipation for the next mile was intoxicating, and all the places where my tennis stomped through felt like the path toward any place I longed to be; all the magic would take place and my adrenaline made me feel superior to the being I was before I began.
I found myself in a place where I would forget everyone, and from all attachments I felt held me in a place where I would struggle without end; I would begin to feel the chains release; I was finally set free,
the person I was before the run,
the person I was yesterday,
and everyday before… doesn’t exist anymore…
Feeling Alive~ Seeking God
The moment I am aware of my pulse as each point on my body is beating with vitality. I blow air softly out of my mouth as I feel the inspiration coming from my chest as it moves from it’s own powerful breathing pattern. My breath is usually rejuvenated; after feeling a period of shallow breath from fatigue, I am boosted with a strength, re-energized from a sacred discovery. A place where the only thing I am aware is the air I am feeling, the air I am taking in and blowing out, the sounds of lyrical training~ allowing me to alter my emotions to feel whatever it is I chose to feel. The truth becomes apparent, I am aware of his presence not because he just arrived nor did I, but because I have quieted my mind. This very breath is given to me by the Almighty, powerful God. He gives life, and he knows the day I will receive my last breath. Aware of a streaming of musical energy, it is the rhythm of my breath, leading to a peace in my Spirit that comes from a place I can’t quite understand.
I feel the creator; so I look up, to get lost in the artwork above; I forget I am running, breathing, mesmerized in one of the most massive canvas’ of God’s expression;…
Cosmic Creations, The Sky, Heavenly Bodies, The Sun, The Moon, and Me 🙂
The sky in all it’s beauty; it holds so much of what we yearn to know; the sky in all it’s mystery there is so much we don’t know,..
I smile and laugh as I feel myself at a heightened state, I gaze at the sky and recognize it’s forever transforming; the sky is crazy, moody, diverting a madness, that shifts to a beauty~ just when you think you have the sky’s picture in your mind; it manifests once again, and again, with no end…
The Sky ~ The Sun~ The many phases of our Moon~The Stars~ The Clouds~ The Rainbows~ It all feels like me !
well of course all that matters were created from the ONE.
Mrs. Akridge & 3rd grade
During a Parent Teaching meeting with Jay’s 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Akridge, she told Gus and me that third grade is the wonderful year when the students (from N. E. I.S.D. school district) are blessed with the opportunity to attend a Field Trip to Honey Creek State Natural Area in Spring Branch, Texas about 30 miles North of San Antonio . The access to this park is by guided naturalist tours only, tours begin Saturdays at 9:00 AM.
Jay’s teacher Mrs. Akridge always made me smile; she always looked so excited when she was teaching the kids and children can definitely feel positive energy. Learning isn’t always easy, but when you have someone who is innovated in her teaching style; you will succeed. Mrs. Akridge always made the students and this parent know she was on our side, Jay’s side; she is a wonderful leader, and a beautiful soul.
One day; I walked by the classroom and low and behold they were bouncing on yoga balls learning Math. I could feel the energy coming from the room as I passed by, and its beautiful to walk by a classroom and see children excited, laughing and learning. Mrs. Akridge influenced Jay to enjoy learning and no one can tell her that Math ISN’T fun! I appreciate people who are excited about education and learning and take the leadership to educate others.
Mrs. Akridge explained the past years show the proof, Honey Creek has been an amazing and one of a kind Educational type Program for the 3rd grade students. The children will spend time outdoors observing nature in a completely different environment. Most children today, go outside just when they have to get from one place to another. I was so excited about this trip; I was wishing I could go 🙂 I honestly believe that children will never truly grasp the true beauty of the world; unless they experience many ways; besides the way they are use to. I tend to not want to go outside; Texas Weather makes it unbearable at times; and throw in some mosquitoes. We are comfortable with the comfort of what we know and the focus these days tends to be on technology.
I believe that the times I have taken (usually a Retreat) to completely disconnect from everything in my everyday world, my scattered mind seems to get re-organized in my thoughts, I feel a strong feeling of Recovery almost as if I was ill before and couldn’t quite be all of me. I think it’s important to take time for ourselves in that way; it is amazing because I felt too busy, but believe me if you are that busy; you need this time. The restoration that is done to your soul is worth it when you come back renewed
UPCOMING WOMEN’S A.C.T.S Retreat
You do not have to be Catholic and Retreat is not about trying to convert you either, it’s about Sharing, Seeking, or Questioning your faith
Get ready Women!!! St. Matthews women’s A.C.T.S. Retreat is November 12-15, 2015 at Oblate’s beautiful Grotto. Start planning Now, take the time to worship with other women, share life’s struggles and proud moments with other women. It is all about strengthening your faith and making lasting friendships with many other of your Sisters in Christ. I would love to see my family (Blog family Included) on this life altering retreat. Come spend a weekend with me; and a few days with the Lord. I LOVE YOU all! THE Director for this retreat is a smart Beautiful creative soul, I promise you won’t be disappointed… I will be sharing my own personal spiritual journey please come even if your just curious 🙂 FOR MORE INFO CONTACT Link below
Back to our scheduled Program 😉
Most people who know Jay would say he is pretty cool, calm, collected, and quiet.
There is another side to Jay that exists, emerged very young
A side completely full of hype; extremely passionate about his mission, his goals; he loves to have fun, joke, laughter, but he also works very hard at what his task is; don’t mess with his plan and your good; because if you do… he will burst like a beautiful firecracker~
My Jay disappears sometimes, and gets lost in the fantasy of his own gaming world. We miss him sometimes even though he is in the next room; with all his passion and dedication we have to tell him time’s up; its family time.
The thought of Jay being outdoors, breathing that pure H2O, getting that cardio working; and observing all the beautiful things God created, would introduce him to a new world.
CATCH 🙂 but; it’s a good one!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The interesting thing about this field trip; is that it would not be possible without parent volunteers. Mrs. Akridge went on to explain that the volunteers would be the educators. As she was explaining I began to think to myself, “What a wonderful opportunity for Jay to see me teach him; along with his friends simply because I wanted him to be the example; of what ever it is that is going on in his life, it will always be important to me, and I will always do what I can to support everything he does.
I wondered to myself as she was talking, what Gus was thinking; would he encourage me to go; as she continued to explain all volunteers will need to attend a training on a Saturday prior to the trip; to learn enough about the Station so they can accurately educate the children.
To my wonderful surprise; Gus voiced, he knew I would be interested in going and he would love to be part of it too!
I was so proud and emotional of how supportive he has ALWAYS been to me in everything I do, even those things he doesn’t quite understand. There is nothing in this world he could give me that would come even close to the gift of genuinely loving and accepting me and my children, just as we are; and accepts us as one of his own. I love when he reminds me and the kids how important it is for us to pull aways and always talk, and do things together as a family; always be supportive. When I get daily reminders from him; on ways we can strengthen our relationships as a family, it energizes me with appreciate. Life is hard and we ALL have hard times, but it sure is so much easier and happier when you have someone you can trust, count on, and make you laugh.
Educating the Parent’s Training Day~~~~~~~~~~
OMG I knew the training would be fun; Gus and I have fun anywhere we find ourselves; we have such creative minds that it really is just about us; no outside props needed….
It was amazing seeing Gus walking around the trip; he always makes me smile; just looking at him AND I have a soft side for my old man’s corny jokes that I think are completely hilarious!
no matter what, his acting skills are up to par; and I love that he tries, always trying to make me and the kids smile.
Habitat, Fossils, Drawing, and Water. Gus and I wanted to be together at the same station, there were 2 allowed at stations; but all spots left were just 1 spot at each station. So, I chose the Water station; and he chose the Drawing station.
It is October 17, 2013; Field Trip DAY…The Bus arrives; and the children are energized~
I will never forget Jay’s face, he was so happy when he saw me; and that made my day begin perfectly. It really IS all the small things in life that matter; when someone makes time for us.
My partner at the Water Station was the Science Teacher; the mad Scientist; LOL; he kept yelling at the kids and I was so completely scared! LOL I ended up leaving and joining Gus at his station, drawing.
When I walked up I almost cried, I watched him; in all his handsome ways, looking all Stallion-ish; puro JEFFE, I love when he looks all sexy and confident. Then when the kids started asking him questions; his voice softened; and his bad to the bone gaze remained passionate and intense but added a thoughtful expression of assistance; he was glowing to me just like a guardian angel.
The truth is Gus was there, because Nature’s cool, he is gifted with a hand to draw; but most of all he was there for me and Jay his family; his treasure.
He is forever charming me with his ways, I am forever feeling the excitement of a young school girl again; who has googly eyes and tingly feelings for that hard crush when he is near working his magic. I love that he takes the time to care about how everyone in the family feels; he is selfless and patient and I am definitely head over heals for his softer side.
The moment that forever will be a favorite memory in my mind~
I saw Jay, as he watched and interacted with Gus; and he gave him “that look“; as Gus made his friends laugh with his childish humor. I call it, “that look“, Jay gives it to me during special times; when he knows that he will always be my tatter tot no matter how old he gets. It was the first time I saw him give it to Gus, since then; there has been numerous times; and each time it feels like the first again. Jay recognized that Gus went above and beyond for him. When Jay does it; it’s usually during those special times when Gus makes a point to stops what he is doing to teach Jay something valuable; listen to him; and show interest in Jay; and Jay appreciates it and gives him this look. <3
I LOVE YOU JAY! I LOVE YOU GUS! Ok I love you too, Honey Creek and Mrs. Akridge!
September 18, 2015 ~~~~~ Honey Creek once again!!!!
Guess who is a 3rd grader and it’s her turn to go and absorb Honey Creek
My Mini Me~Miley Renee
Yesterday was ~Educating the Volunteers (Parent’s and Sister <3) Training Day~~~~~~~~~~
It’ a Family Affair 🙂 Big Sister has joined the party…
Spending my Friday morning; 9 AM with these loves. One thing is for sure; they both make me laugh;
Today’s Marisa moments…
and when I giggle at Gus because he can’t shut up; Marisa “SHOOSHHH”‘s us so loud; and then the whole mob of NEISD parents look at her like she’s just a little bitch… hahahahahahahahaa.
Today’s Gus moments…
Starting the morning saying he was having a heart attack from the coffee; I looked at him; and actually had sweat beads falling down his thick curved brows~
Trying to use the excuse that he recently had Breast Reduction Surgery so he wouldn’t have to hike~
Calling all the Ashe juniper, ASS Juniper every chance he could
Telling me wild boars were going to attack us, (same freakish thought) he repeated this from last time we were here, two years ago~
Making friends with shoes that want to be barefoot ~
Acts like he knows whats going on when he doesn’t have a clue; says to his new friend that he knew where Eisenhower Park was; when Marisa and I both knew he was talking from hi bum~
Today’s Michele’s moments…
Walking around with Purpose and a whole lot of authority while wearing a pencil on the top of my head~
Calling the D Net at the water station the BIG D Net; and teasing Marisa if she wanted to use the D~
Marisa and I both signed up for the WATER STATION
Gus is going to try the Fossil Station this time
Today’s Family moments…
Today was about purifying the mind for a moment 🙂 getting in touch with nature to support our beloved 3rd grader -Mymy! What a rewarding day focusing on many God’s greatest creations!
I think about today; and I am happy and content; the icing on the cake was …
My 18 year old, tired, drained, daughter decided no matter how hard it was to wake up early to hike around the woods; she still did it; to show her support to her little sister.
I felt so at peace; with my favorite people with me, simple and serene,
Honey Creek is beautiful; but with Marisa there; the Creek looked ordinary 😉 you always outshine. My Bubs is a force indeed; beautiful; angelic soul full of ferocious power!
Listening to only the sounds from this other magical world, birds in flight; whistling for another, the wind blowing branches; leaves, and sometimes it was a strange Quiet; but even during those times; all I had to do was look at my family; and I would smile inside because having their spirit there with me; says enough!
c/o Guadalupe River State Park 3350 Park Road 31 Spring Branch, TX 78070