Parenting a Teenager; Mother of a Teenage Daughter

Tonight a younger-baby (but big girl of course) cousin of mine, Natalia had a talk with her mother that would soon get me thinking so much it would be my blog for today. My cousin Dinah was sharing a conversation over social media she had with her daughter; and it brought me so many emotions tonight.  Natalia is close in age with my baby, Miley who is eight-years-old; I think Natalia will be nine in a few month, just like Miley.  Dinah was sharing a discussion she had with her mother~  “wonderment” about all those things that run in a young girls creative mind.

What it would feel like to have a teenager as a daughter!

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Natalia is beautiful, spunky, intelligent, strong, friendly and a great wonderful sister to her brothers; she is full of ideas power enough to make an adult woman’s mind ponder…

Miley is beautiful, determined, hilarious, loving, she loves to cuddle <3; she is the youngest~my last baby; so I need to savor this one.

Eight years old; the time in life when I can actually remember quite a few things; what it feels like to be young, full of strong desire to question everything in existence, full of life, an energy that seems to drain us parents~ struggling to keep up at times.

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The beautiful part in childhood when I truly appreciated knowledge, and found learning was very important business. The time when the worries of life seemed so extreme, how some girl “fluffed her hair at me with attitude” yet I can’t even remember today what I was worried about, who were those people who were not on my side and I considered my enemies or even the reason why.  Everything in the world seemed so impressive, I was so ready to grow up,  I felt a strong need to learn all things under the sun, so I could finally be happy because I thought I could find complete happiness when I would be able to do whatever I wanted , lol us adults don’t ever really get that! The time when I really believed my parents really knew all the answers to everything in life.  I saw all that I you as a child and I loved it, Even if meant making you sit on a strange bus drivers lap; because it was important to me to capture all your moments.
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My daughter, Marisa is 18, so I felt I could honestly give my perspective to others of how I felt as a mother of a teenage daughter.  I love words; I know; so I will convey what I am feeling trying my best to keep it short but true and accurate.

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It is completely like having that same child Marisa was when she was 8 years old, in fact at times when I look at Marisa I see this face…

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It’s so much more magnified, she hurts with great intensity, and it’s more often because she is finally out there facing all the truth of the world. You will find yourself full of too many people who are brought to you to teach you something that is necessary for your own growth. As a mother I realize that moment when I have less control over making things better with simple pleasures like ice cream I too am suffering and hurt the same as we did during hard times when she was a baby and would watch you struggle.

I learned I couldn’t take your pain away anymore and I found myself in my struggle as all I could do was stay with you, and cry because it cleanses the soul; and remind you of the truth. We have found ourselves sitting in Adoration; as we both prayed to God for the same reason but in different ways.

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These Teens have damn good arguments and the older I get the more I have realized I have less fight because it’s not about me. I have found myself frustrated because I don’t always get to say all the things I wish I would have.

These teens are 500x more passionate about everything in their life then they were when they felt their world falling apart when they were four. They think they’re so old and their time is passing and they have so much to do.

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It’s completely beautiful and amazing to watch a young soul so eager and full of life it reminds me of the old me the one I often try so hard to not lose, remembering when I held that same passion, so I realize let it go , pick the battles and allow them to be who they feel at the moment even if the intensity is scary..

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Each year is full of more understanding of the person she is becoming even though it is even better than anything I have experienced before; I still hang on to the memories when she was young and believed I had all the answers, while deep inside I often wondered if~ I was the most clueless mom in existence, but hey it was OK because I had that great love to offer this child. 🙂

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Well with age and life I am proud to say I am finally full of confidence in my understanding; I feel equipped to lead you in this life, I understand like never before how it works, I can pick out the people who will bring out the good in you and the bad.  I understand people, their numerous motives and have learned from my own mistakes why… As I sit here feeling completely equipped 🙂 my Marisa laughs at me like mom doesn’t get so many things and she often probably secretly wonders how I can be so completely clueless. All the funny ways I use all the “saying and ways” of today in the complete wrong way, and when I finally do get one down; it died like months ago.  As parents I didn’t ever put much importance on trying to be cool or following a trend, I am pretty fond of some amazing trends and fun lingo and all but the passing of fades is super quick, we saw im this occurrence since way back in our day…the olden days… LOL

I don’t like feeling lost in conversation but if it makes us laugh it’s works for me and I never want to lose a connection I learned working with teens can comfort them; but some just don’t make sense to me; as I am sure my parents felt the same.
I found myself feeling jealousy and offended when Marisa would see Nicki Minaj and say she is “mom.” LOL  Here I hold myself in this place above with all my infinite knowledge and guidance; respect because I have always made you know I am on your side; and I thought you were saying I want her instead of you as your mother. Then I noticed Marisa’s friends calling Miley Cyrus mom too; and then I knew it was a fade the kids were using to say they loved a certain celebrity apparently created by Lorde; who I am sure is NOT A MOTHER!!!

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Teenagers search for answers from their friends and sometimes it’s the sweet clueless one who honestly couldn’t understand a bit what to tell them that we witness and are afraid of.  Maybe they are already satisfied with their truth; they just need their friends.  I am waiting for the day she gets tired of everyone’s inexperience and runs back to me for advice. When you do it’s always amazing, because the truth is I taught this little woman all she knows; and you live with my teachings and I always find my happiness knowing they she loves me and trust me so much she wants me there a lot of the time.
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I have found my greatest feelings of accomplishment just recently as I have watched you become the person you are. I have watched you overcome difficult struggles only to find a with a strength a constant faith that keeps your spirit completely magical. Time with your friends is decreasing as they all leave for college, I missed you and was excited to have more of you again. Then I find us having even less time with one another your new job is amazing, and will be consumed with studying; so that you can do all the great things in this world you are meant to. So many ways to explain what mothering a teen is like but it’s not even close to the true picture of all the ways raising a teenager is one of the greatest feelings; that could never simply be explained.  I love you Marisa and I have enjoyed my life with you when you were a sweet baby who could never leave my side, I enjoyed the super cool loyal child I watched who would always fight for the truth, your teen years were the greatest when you learned about faith and became close with God. , I can’t wait to continue to watch you develop into an adult who will one day laugh at all the things you allow to hurt you today.

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Michele Renee

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