When you’ve got 2 hoes you need to let one go

WARNING my BLOGS TEND to contain, profanity, slight nudity, and a whole hell a lot of truth…. I respect you if you don’t continue, but respect me when you are in my house.  Enjoy!
Official Video for this blog~ Review here

Who noticed the familiarity of a borrowed beat, OLD SCHOOL Blend is the best!  History repeats with updated inventions… AWESOME job ! Future ft. Pharrell Williams-For REAL, Push a T, Casino

I feel like a cheap whore, I love it at times, I own it, and secretly have waited for my chance to release it since I was 8 yrs old and found myself discovering the world of porn at a neighbor’s house. I wanted to be like those sexy women on the screen, they seem to have so much control over these men.  It seemed men everywhere would forgetting to think with their brain if a woman was in view, especially certain women. Wow the power to take away men’s power, the power to make them forget to use that “logic” they so naturally possess. I knew it would be my mission to get whatever it was that I wanted by using my charm and my goodies to tease them make them think with their dumb brain, so I could make them be my genie in a bottle if they were worth it; and me, theirs.

Sometimes, a lot of times  I want something more. Someone more like me~

I need to feel appreciated for all those things I am, that separates me from every other human in existence.  I miss the days of newest, introductions, and discoveries.  Psychologically, we’ve coined it~  “the infatuation period”  when a new relationship, that hasn’t quite been introduced to the daily stressors of life, all the responsibility, and all the hurt of mistakes, the human mistakes we make that we can’t take back and sometimes regret for years and years!

When someone is new… We are naturally amazed for all those things you don’t understand, you crave more insight, and thirsty for this new creature. You want to dissect them in so many ways, you are tuned in with high frequency to understand them, their thinking…

This is why people cheat, they miss that feeling of worth and someone else is interested, someone else who needs to be told all those things as well; just like them, someone who finds them interesting, and soon they forget their commitments to their other because they feel forgotten, unappreciated, they feel like a tool; not worthy but needed at the least just like you.

The reality is that the person they cheated with eventually surfaces, you can only fantasize for so long, reality always comes back.  You begin to recognize their faults, their human ways, the true person that exists, not the dream of who you want them to be. You realize you have made a huge mistake, you can try to cover up but for some reason it always finds a way to rehash and resurface. No matter how hard you try to let go of what did or did not happen,  you try to forget self-made beliefs , even when you have lied to yourself frequently you’re not going to deny it another chapter.

Cheating can become a vicious cycle until you need that person again who is waiting for you because they have that strong need as well; they know you will be back.   The “tio” the sancho/a is a person  who you begin to recognize as angry, bitter, blames the other person they don’t know, and dreams that with just a little more time, you will finally leave because they are lonely too and hold on to that

.

If it becomes too much work,  you replace them with a different flavor.

Excitement is addicting, while  the adrenaline of feeling alive again is so completely appealing, someone seeing those things in you is flattering; those special things that you forgot about…emotional affairs are often easy to ignore.  I mean it really isn’t an affair until the body is exchanged, right?

I guess that would depend on the depth of the relationship.

In so many ways affairs are NOT just sexual. I know in my previous marriage I cheated early on, when I was a 22-year-old with a lot of time and even more opportunities.  I remember how I always felt about the intimacy of sex, but I also felt the need and curiosity to always explore everything that the world held. I learned early on the power girls can use over men to manipulate them to get exactly what it is they feel they need for the time.

I felt so miserable when I cheated. I didn’t just do it once, twice, I kept this one person around for a year. I knew, he knew, everyone knew, talk about the ultimate disrespect and betrayal. It became such a huge painful part of our relationship that our relationship never recovered from that point on. His father cheated, openly so he knew it as part of life. I was made to feel like I owed him ~forever, I made it my mission to show him the rest of my life with him, anyone in this world can cheat in so many different ways, but it doesn’t have to become a part of who they are as a person. We all make a mistakes but it doesn’t define who we are as a woman, unless we let it. He had deep fears of loyalty way before me, and I took ownership of them, no matter how true I stayed I was never seen as a loyal person, because of what I did 15, 16, 17 years back when I was learning about life myself.

The truth is I am sorry, I am sorry to him but even more to myself. I am who I decide, I have integrity, I have high standards, high morals, and not just anyone has the right to my body and mind.  You earn the right into my world, I don’t need anyone to complete me. If you are my chosen one, I will respect you, and keep you in a place where NO OTHER will or can ever go, I expect and deserve the same… Divorced!

Learning about love~ a different kind of Love…

You’re special to me, and you will know it, feel it, and I will never allow another to give me or fulfill a need that only you have been given the right to do.   You are in a category all in your own, my treasure, my ♥ heart…

You say …

I see you, I know your deep thoughts and I love the special way you think like no other. Your passionate, hilarious, and hold strong convictions just like my own.

The freaky freak factors that we allow, we are open to, explore, and enjoy because we trust one another and try so hard to understand.

Or at least with little to NO judgment, try to ~

The unconditional love we both feel for the other, that makes us want to both stay, stay, stay no matter how tough life gets.

Because we recognize the unique, irreplaceableness of the other and its nice to know , no matter what, we are in this together! We both know NO ~One gets left behind in our team.

We put effort into our relationship and will not allow any fly by nights to get in…Love is so easy and so hard. It hurts and forgives. It believes in you when the rest of the world doesn’t.

Like I told you, I will never let you miss the boat, not mine … You’re my navigator, not just some one there for the ride.

In case you are missing the boat I will feel you in. I am beautiful, colorful, and sexy and even when you hate that I am told that by others a lot, understand it’s a compliment to you and yours.  I know my confidence soars, my pride stands too tall, and I am forever a work in progress on letting go of the ego.   I know how thin the line is from confident to arrogance, arrogance is fake, overly done because the person is really just trying to believe it themselves…  not appealing at all…

I am seeking the validation, and when I haven’t I will go up a notch with any means possible, and u know and have seen I am one crazy bitch.

If you pay attention the obvious is true, which everyone in this world will agree with… The truth about me and my character, I  am caring, extremely understanding and forgive because I am a huge mistake maker… #sinner . I am open-minded because if I haven’t done it I will, and possibly I invented it, I am sweet, possibly more addicting than Meth, and extremely loyal, honest to the point of emotional brutality, fun/ny, witty, innocent in heart, not so innocent in mind… amazingly full of knowledge in the weirdest issues and beliefs, and extremely charming to the point where you always want more of me~ well everyone else seems to, but you, that is…

I know how completely exhausting it can be to understand Michele and just remember to breathe at times. 

We will be here to remind each other.

Forgive me for my less desirable traits…

I know it can be quickly dismissed, and the reasoning is obscured.. you see some attention-getting woman who is  having a midlife crisis, what a slap in my fucked up~head. Lol… My humor~ My whole damn life has been a crisis.  Past behaviors are forever taking into consideration for future meaning and even more insight.   The one~person’s attention I can’t get, the one I need it from, I only get when I am a bad~girl, insert (story of my life) (Daddy issues), the “one” that matters only notices when I am in that poor spot light the one I’ve noticed is permanently aimed at me in the most terrible lighting imaginable… But hey, even when I am bad, I really ain’t that bad!

I know you don’t like to talk about what is/isn’t going on, same old stories, same old fears, same old blame, same old truths in my head, but lies in yours… How can we share the same world and see it so differently, I don’t know maybe that is the magic of “Michele&Gus.

Balance we balance each other out, where 2 extremes could be disaster…

Poor Gus, How many more times must we go through this fucked up charade…

As long as it takes, and as long as we fight hard for our relationship I guess, I hope and pray forever.

We both hate being at odds with the other, you think your protecting me by dodging issues and living independently as a “submissive” as you put it. 😩

I don’t blame the fact it upsets us and we both have different levels of frustration on different days. However, I appreciate the time you do give me to just listen, as I explain how I feel, especially when it isn’t true in your head, and when you take the time to repeatedly remind me my fears are lies. You encourage me to let go and learn new clever ways to not own shit I don’t need or want.

If you don’t allow negative thoughts they won’t manifest \(>o<)/(^_-) we allow them to live in our mind ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ they don’t exist, true, false let’s figure it out together.

I don’t blame you for wanting to escape… Get out, away from me, away from here; sometimes I can’t stand myself either…

 

You want to go out in the world get what ever it is you need…

INSERT a trillion distractions

Sometimes it isn’t worth the trouble though, if it means coming back to some bitching woman… but you know i hardly bitch; it is just 1 or 2 days a month… LOL when Tia Flow visits.

And what makes it even worst…

You ruin all your chance now, it is clear you’ve lost all hopes for what is really important…

The suck and blow you may not get!

 The truth is I enjoy what we do and as you say you prayed to God for the woman you wanted in bed 😅 , and I find that quite hilarious; God the father and I have had never had such a discussion; but he did fulfill my sexual requirements 🙂 any way~
so you hang on just a little bit longer… And you get what you want and in a way so do I, win-win situation, right, well maybe for the time being.

While you hide yourself from me…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPOcuT9UrlE

I know you have your own fears, don’t ever believe the lies that live inside of you because of some other fool who created them.  Don’t make me out to be a person who doesn’t exist in me; and I will work on that with you.  We know the truth.

Sharing intimate pictures of our intimate moments with others, I don’t know why anyone would~ even if it was just a discussion; or full fledge video…  I wonder if it’s like a trophy to some. People will always pay to see the video… But expect others to respect their privacy.
 I don’t know if it’s because you want everyone else to want to taste you… #fear765 #menwhokissandtell

The truth is I even want to sell the videos; LOL

I am proud of all those things you are to me; just to name a few… you are my papichulo, tio, my love, the gardner, the visitor, the cousin from Laredo, and Debo…

And how Gustavo’s got Michele all dickmatized, I never even loved bananas before.

And I fell in love with every part of you. I hold you and only you for that exclusive spot, and no matter how many men or boys FRAP off to me as you say 😂 not just anyone can touch or enjoy. #allrightsreserved

C***** isn’t just a drug dealer, he isn’t even your “homie”, or a real friend, you’re his little bitch~ his puppet~ who will lie to me for him; and he for me or you. We’ve both allowed people in our lives who will do this to us.  Anyone who is willing  to lead you or me down a wrong path or help you cover up shit isn’t a true friend to the both of us. They risk ruining us, our family! If anyone is worth that, go… You are free, free to be and find yourself, discover all those deviant things you crave and seek that he is involved in; without me. The 2 most evil souls in the city have become our “friends.” Friends before even me, you, us, when we decide to hold secrets with them; they are evil and had the whole thing planned to smear in either my face or yours. They are working together and whats even more disturbing is  finding out the phone number playing games online with our kid is who expected; for what to listen to what is going on in our house, is obsessively sick and disturbing, we don’t need fucked up people around our kids, home, or us. #sickfuck
The lies you’ve told me, the behind my back truths you acted were not a reality you wouldn’t accept because you wished them untrue.  We can’t deny or ignore our mistakes or they will own us.  All the lies and deceit isn’t love, and I know evil ways, that is why I cut off people who don’t look out for my best interest immediately as I did with him last May. I know this is all in the past, and years later it still comes up because we never discussed it; but the simple acts of betrayal stay with us for a long ass time.  Asking if I would have sex for exchanges; wtf does he think, talking about me being a freak, asking if I wanted to see the dirty side of the job; trap-houses, and pro’s… lol if I wanted I could’ve made him my bitch but he knows he never got the chance and I never gave him that right . He isn’t worth my time or efforts, he is trash who acts like your friend, acts like he cares, he is nothing but a fake, liar, and he will never think about others if you think about his daily dealings. He doesn’t deserve the loyalty he doesn’t give; while everyone around me laughs and mocks because I give it to those who don’t give it to me; or play me like a fiddle. And that is how innocent disrespect develops and for what a bowl to smoke.  The drug world is dirty!

I know you meant no harm EVER; it isn’t in your nature, you always treat me like the Queen I am….

I feel so guilty bringing up the stuff I went through that eventually lead to you going into the hospital; I know you; and I know when you are not feeling yourself. I also know I don’t get enough support as if it’s not needed because i didn’t end up the hospital.  I will always stay strong for you; just like you do for me.

Time passes; years~

You tell me today matters, we are learning to love together, we are working hard on us, I feel how strong we have gotten, and its been hard at tines but wow it is so worth the effort. We know we have each others back no matter what!
My fears are still in existence ~

Keeping nestled, “fears” , everyday hidden little secrets, one day, life stress is high, we are at odds and guess who calls (the devil/temptation) and then you disappear…

PLEASE DON’T ANSWER

Only to realize all along you may have been played in a different way; a way that worked just for you; because the devil wants both of us to believe we don’t give two shits about the other… And that is why we will always have words from everyone and anyone when people do us wrong.   

The truth is we both held on tight; we knew something different to be true. We wanted to find our friendship again, and we both kept getting glimpses of us and we held on even tighter. Then, there we are ~ok, we know everything is gonna be ok, I love you, want you, crave you, and ditto for you, and even though we both feel betrayed we hold each other, we have learned we can trust; and we keep trying  …

The truth of the matter is that the people you lie for are not our true friends they are our worst enemies because we trust them enough to allow them in… I get the tips, the evidence and proof that anyone can lie so easy.

No one can ever convince us of the truth we know to be true, if anything the one thing that is NOT a lie, is us; no one can say there is NO LOVE here. I don’t know why everyone has always been out to prove to others that their life isn’t really as good as it seems, I know I am NOT living a lie, I will always live for the TRUTH.  And to all those people who think they can make me believe or persuade me to live a lie; pick an easier; more vulnerable mother fucker. Love and friendship really is true, I found it in you. 

It just shows me how pathetic they are and how much they really don’t know.

I struggled with wanting to show you my truth, my vulnerabilities that were established way before us.  It’s important to us, we know what we see in one another.  I never had any desires that were hidden, I have always been extremely truthful and vocal with my expectations.

I am not it everyday for you, I understand, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and sometimes, rarely, lol I am quite ugly in my ways.

It’s weird because I am for most as you say … The complete fantasy, but I never believed it  before like I do with you.

I have been reading for a while about our internet writing I want you to know how therapeutic it is for me. The things I can’t understand, after a good blogging session clears my mind like you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes I even have it completely wrong; my blogging session goes down; and I find the truth.  The things that are hard for us to say a loud can always be understood if the other cares enough to read through, which I know isn’t always easy. I don’t ever want you to read a blog and feel like it’s a person you never knew existed, it’s not just a journal, this is our life, together ! 💗💟💖❤💋
So many sides to us exist, many who sleep quietly in the subconscious waiting for that breath of life. 
So many articles these days keep us entertained. So many time-zappers, stupid celebrities and their shows, David Grohl’s and other amazing talents people interviews, TV shows, gaming, all  that you can imagine that will keep our society as is, being told what to believe, what to wear, what to watch, where to eat… followers! A world full of followers with no ideas of opinions of their own thoughts .
In my mind the choice was made long ago,  to not entertain them, the medias~truth, forced upon me in front of my face in too many different avenues, TV, turn on the radio, magazine covers when all I needed was milk and bread. I share what I know but it isn’t everyone’s truth, we have to find out ourselves and realize we aren’t robots.

and neither of us will allow anyone to come into our lives; and bring back past lies; old memories to manipulate the other into believing shit was love …The past was the past because that is where it belongs in the past! Once people realize the truth of what you were and who you continue to be; well… it’s hilarious to think you would hold any special meaning today.  You are an example to him; of everything I am not; so when he see’s me; he knows exactly what he had before; it feels great to feel like GOLD!!!!!

wp-1467319054706.jpg

No matter how mad that makes you; because I know I live in your head; you can’t stop reading my shit… just remember the truth; I never did anything to you! so….

Hopes of new promises… Daily laughs about life~

I allow myself to get so upset.  I ask God for help; and things seem better but then it all comes at me like a crazy ass storm…I want so much to trust love; and every time I think I can, well… LIFE you know LIFE; and how it works. 

Facing the truth is hard

There comes a time in life when many people look at themselves, their partner, their friends, and wonder, who the fuck is that person, it’s not who I thought it was.  Sometimes we realize it, and immediately, it’s like we were woken up and ashamed at the truth. I don’t ever want you to wake up next to me and have regrets. I don’t want you to connect with some random lonely ass who hangs out at HEB, valero, Las Palapas, any local spot to get a need filled by sharing with just anyone who is willing;  except the only reason person who holds the answer.

LET GO OF THE PAST and FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR YOU

There are so many sick dates like anniversaries of sick memories that live in my head.  There is only ONE reason, because I allowed it. Victor and #4thjuly is one example.

NO DRAMA, NO LIES, ALLOWED!

I remember the truth of all the lies, the outside attacks, I hurt when I know it and how fear is always there to attack with evil; sometimes when I get face with hard-times; or evil I think I still don’t deserve peace due to my past sins; what a LIE. Life is hard, unfair;  I’m worthy, and the truth shall set me free, it’s not for you or about you, it’s for me; and then you will see how that it is for US.  NO MORE lies and cover up’s accepting from any fools, call someone who wants to listen; I will not listen to gossip or drama to later feel guilty and ashamed for believing in you.

Bullshitters

I know who the bullshit shit~talkers are, the names are always the same. It is the fake ass’s who can’t look at you in your face and most of the time have never made time to even talk to you in your face. Bitch you can lie in my face, act 2 face,  but I know the truth of where I have been and who I am, and where you weren’t, …. THERE!  What you have showed me is you will never be either. If I didn’t quite know the truth yet, give it time it always comes out, and I always found out your true intentions… Cuz we all stay where we have been, you will stay in your pathetic misery, and I will be in the same place I always have been making use of my time, at home, waiting.

What is your View….

I know the things the world finds interesting, if  you ask me as many have; who I will be voting for; what are my issues on… I will change the topic if you mean anything to me; I don’t talk politics or “intelligent discussion,” as others put it with anyone I care about.

The truth is I learned long ago not to talk POLITICS and RELIGION with people you care about, it may seem to you I am not intelligent for sharing my worldly beliefs of “current events”, sometimes intelligence is actually knowing when to shut the fuck up. I don’t give a Fuckin flying fuck about the world issues when I am finding it difficult to even make the needed change in my own world~ home / community issues. I don’t give a flying fuck about protecting some fantasy character in Hollywood from shit~talkers, when I can’t even get people in my own community to leave me the fuck alone.

Advice

If you reader are thinking about cheating  I hope that the person is worth it, losing your family etc… I hope they bring meaning  to you and your life. I hope you hold them dear. If not, I would really  think long and hard about this fuck up. You will soon find out it was really never about your partner, but a self struggle. Is the distraction with it.

Dedicated to my man, we’ve got this.  ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) !!!!

 My treasure (〃・ิ-・ิ)ゞ★

Because the truth is, it really is that simple…

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