Life and living with crazy minds, it really is beautiful

We can be our own worst critic anyday~ Monday-Sunday, and everyday if we allow it. Why do we choose to put regret and blame on ourself when we have other choices available to us, those that give us grace. . “If only I had done this, If only I had done that“~ life wasn’t supposed to turn out that way…. if it was it would’ve happened that way. The minute you use your energy on “what if’s” you need to be sure that your very next moment is used with   all remaining stores of energy focused on “WHAT WILL BE.”

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There is not ONE person on this earth whose happiness is dependant on me, besides me of course. There is not one person’s happiness that is dependant on you, besides you of course. Yet, we like to believe we hold that much power 😉 over others we love. If only, my spouse, my children, my parents, my family, {ENTER YOUR PERSON HERE}~ would be so much happier.

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My other half; Gus ❤ is what his mother called him; suffers from bipolar disorder. I think I suffer from bipolar disorder as well; although I have never been properly diagnosed by a licensed physician on any medical form saying I have bipolar disorder.  I guess some would consider me, a “BiPolar Wannabe.” However when I was fifteen years old I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Manic Depression; that was previously a diagnosis given in the past by clinicians who presently call it Bipolar Disorder. 🙂

I understand this illness as if it was my parent; and I, its golden child.

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In the beginning I told myself I wanted my degree in Psychology, so I would be able to help others.The most effective way to help another is to assist them by allowing them to help themselves; by understanding themselves just a little bit better.  Anytime you help another, you help yourself; and I’ve spent so many years helping others; that I finally can say; I know myself pretty well. 🙂

Bipolar has a really bad rap due to our media; because anytime someone does something crazy/out of the norm the term comes out, the person had bipolar, really you think they were feeling an extreme emotion?   As a society we like to make sense of things and even more than that we have a strong need to put blame and find the “cause” of human behavior, especially when it’s negative.  We live in a country today; where medically we are treated by how much our health plan allows.

Can we even imagine those who have yet been properly diagnosed; there are many who have never been treated properly, with a strong urge to feel normal or feel like a normal human being ; they choose self medicating; they often  self-treat with drugs.  They find themselves doing irrational acts; and the deranged individual is seen as some poor drug addicted  bipolar who society is ready to throw away; and the blame~ they were bipolar and on drugs.

I admit people will generally use all the cards they are given if it’s for their own personal advantage, plenty blame  their own cause of action/s on their own personal card whatever it maybe.  The moment you use your disability as a crutch, you have made yourself its personal bitch.  YOU define your own behavior by your choices, even those you don’t understand; so the best bet; get help; even if it’s just talking to someone who understands and will guide you to letting go of that crutch.

Bipolar Disorder is  extreme high’s and lows in your emotional well-being. Think about the happiest most high feeling you have ever had.  Have you ever just enjoyed being~ you wake up~hell yes “dab”, you look hella awesome~ “double dab,” you pay the rent~dab, you get the front row parking~get out and dab; you go through the line at the grocery store extra fast~hell who ain’t gonna dab to that shit… and the rest of the world just kinda wonders; what the hell you are on… You get it often enough; “I want what you are on”... and you just wonder why the rest of the world is missing it all.

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Today I shall dab after EVERY SINGLE accomplishment~

You are invincible, you are on top of the world; ready to conquer it…

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I was put on this earth to RULE the WORLD

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Our ideas are out of this world, extraordinary, fueled with creative energy we can hardly contain our passionate ways… 

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Sleep; who needs sleep I will sleep when I am dead; I got about 205 projects I am trying to conquer in the next 24 hours… 

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Your family wakes up at 5 am from your shrills of delight in nature like you have never seen it before…

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I got cute animals to find; bond with, for I am ACE VENTURA; I will bring them home because we are a family.  ❤ HUGE HEART magnified > realistic expectations

As one frolic’s around in their happy life; it happens~

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Everything and everyone seems irritating!  

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What ever it is you are feeling it is always extreme…

Paranoia~ the world is my enemy; they are all in on this…

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There they ARE again; I only ate  a few grapes; every aisle they are looking at me; they are the GRAPE POLICE, and just touched their phone 3 times; definite ~GRAPE Sharp Shooters have been alerted; and OH MY Gosh their phone is purple; like the grape I ate.  

Insignificance

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Why is Gustavo ignoring me; OMG I am NOT loved anymore; I am boring I am not interesting….I am not loved, no one cares, no one loves me i don’t know whyyyyyyy

I often use humor to get my point across but really this is serious because the lows and get you pretty down~ think about the lowest low you have ever felt, I mean suicidal thoughts type of lows.  You try to ,you try hard to be happy ~ but the world we live in… makes it so hard.

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People we love telling us how and how NOT to live! What happened to acceptance; accepting differences…or just plain respect.  

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When you have grand feelings like this your actions will be INTENSE , some will cringe; but they can work on getting use to it.  

There is nothing to ever be ashamed of; unless you hurt someone else or yourself; then you need to get that shit fixed.  Have fun be you, be colorful; life is too short to take it slow.

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Haters will always exist, if they want to stare at your ass … let em kiss it while you live your life away!

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Because we all now that is what it’s all about

When your other half is one end and your on the other end

Yesterday~ I was beating myself up over Gus’s depression, I hold a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and I can’t even make his depression go away what the hell is wrong with me….. Today~I wake up and wonder who the hell I think I am; I know tons about depression but that doesn’t make me the DEPRESSION WHISPER…
When we care about someone we don’t think about fixing them. We are just there for them.

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Especially when they are NOT feeling like they should be 😀
Many wonder if it’s hard to live with a person or be a person with a mental disorder.

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Bipolar Couples

fb_img_1469906313242.jpg Bipolar couple in full bad ass effect

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Imagine 2 people on top of the world; patting each other’s back.  Doing the same gun point to your pal, wink, sound effect~click to one another.  

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ready to annoy the world; when we really just mean well 😉

Don’t get me wrong bipolar is not some wonderful circus where you are always the #1 performing act… and while it is nice and wonderful to find someone in this world who see’s things just as strangely as you do; it isn’t always so grand; most of the time yes 🙂

It is interesting; always exciting, and it is like dating Ghandi one afternoon

and spending the night with Tony Montana but it is the same person.

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The bottom line is

When you have 2 passonately fueled people as you can imagine the SEX is magnificently great; no inhibitions, two souls feeling an ingnition and basically never wanting it to stop… the creativity never ends; there is nothing missionary about our love.

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but  when depression comes around you have to understand from one day to the next… a significant change will occur… we can’t take it personal which is hard when rejection is on such an intimate level.

One of us maybe ready

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excited for the next sexually explicit marathon~

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you can go from having sex all day (weekend delight) to what the hell

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back turn  ahhh it’s all good 

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 I’ve got my own bag of tricks … 

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Why won’t you touch me today, I am ugly, I don’t turn you on wahhhhh LOL; then he laughs and say’s it’s amazing how I can believe those things; when we both know what we share.  We need to turn that rejection around in our mind it is a choice; I am still his peach; just need to get in that cold shower; and refrigerate this peach~

and he knows he is and will always be my Sir Psycho Sexy

all in all the main fact is…I am blessed! YOU are blessed; count your blessings TODAY!

 

Special Thanks to those artist I do not know who allow me to use thier special creations as my images in my art.  Artist supporting artist ❤ and special thanks to the following muscians who inspired my thoughts as I blogged….

I hadn’t heard this song in years! When I was young; it was written for me & sung to me, I was 18 smitten so  I married him because I believed him; and it’s what my heart wanted. He lost that feeling I guess , we faded; moved on… but I still want this; I want a fool, fool for me; for real !!!  Some don’t like being called fools; that is when you know; you’d been strip down to the uncomfortable level and it’s all still ok; just as long as they are by your side. #lovefools rule

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One comment

  1. […] I have survived a kidnapping, rape, drugs, alcoholism, abuse, homelessness, mental health issues, […]

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