Life, is it fair, How I love thee

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Either learn to love thorns or don’t accept any roses!

NOTHING in life is FAIR the quicker we get it straight, the quicker we will be on the road to figuring out the greatest we will allow ourselves to be with the right mindset~ NO COMPARISON to any other soul in this world; but who we specifically were yesterday.  I do admit it is easier to whine and blame life, and how unfair it is; why things are the way they are because it leaves us not having to take in our own accountability or do anything that would require a change; because with this belief we don’t really hold any power.  No matter what I believe, you believe, or anyone else for that matter the truth is THE TRUTH and really only wavers in our own mind; yes from the old school we create our own reality.  I truly believe our Lord and Savior wants us to hear all the messages he CONSTANTLY sends us on the daily.

We get messages in all kinds of different ways; sometimes we literally run into “an angel” / Godsend who comes around and just helps us when in need.  The thing is we need to be ready and willing to accept the message or. Sometimes the message is loud and clear but sometimes the worlds loud noises make it a faint whisper; so if you aren’t paying attention the message just goes on by with no notice.

PAY ATTENTION

Laugh out loud; today Gus was going around the house singing as he did all his daily responsibilities~ I found it funny because it is not a song I would think that Gus would even listen to; or at least not a song he would openly to admit he likes; nothing wrong with the song; I actually have it on my playlist in the van, but not a Gustavo conscious selective song; who knows maybe his subconscious is the bright one today and is delivering a great message to the both of us; when he caught himself he even questioned himself out loud; “Why am I singing this stupid song?”

 

more about this in a a few…

There are times in life when things seem impossible; days when you think your mere presence on this earth is a huge sick test of SURVIVAL. Sometimes we feel miserable; our health is down; struggling with physical issues. There are times when all the important people the ones we have invested our love in support for, just don’t give it back. Times when it seems you are living life watching all the people in your world buy all the best things in life; constant upgrades while you sit there trying hard  with everything you know to just keep your life in motion; with simple basic necessities.

Upbringing and the “other sex

And still just as I have done in my past, I continue to choose to not only, be good;  God knows I am not always a good girl; but I have and will  continue to always be just!  Temptation always finds a way to try and seduce the mind.   The truth is, there are a lot of vulnerable defenseless people out in the world; quite a few of our society makeup is elderly; come on baby boomers~ think about where they are right now.  The world is a forever changing and if you don’t have the energy or resources to keep up with the changes, you will find soon you are at a huge disadvantage.

Being a woman, a woman who in my younger years 😉 had the “outer shell,” to work it, get what I wanted by using what I had to get what I needed.  I quickly found out an age way too early (pre-teen) that If I looked or acted a certain way I could manipulate the people around me, and my world, by allowing them to think they were going to get what they wanted with just a little patience.  In the meantime, I would get all I could because I really needed so much, so badly and leave them thinking maybe they NEVER got what they wanted because they never proved it worthy to me; and believe me if anyone had me they had to prove they were worthy.  I would not let just anyone take away one of the only things I seemed to have control in.

I grew up in a Catholic School environment, which kept my faith in God on the forefront.  Don’t get me wrong, I was probably the wildest child in my city; doing all kinds of things I shouldn’t have been doing; but the truth was apparent; I had a good old fashion heart. and thought way too much about all my values.   I remember the day we had “the talk,”  the  sister shared with us, Sex is a beautiful thing that God created for a man and woman to share on their wedding night!  I imagined myself walking into the reception hall, looking at all the table of wonderful gifts my family and friends had brought; and there it was… The main gift, wrapped all so beautifully in the brightest golden reflective wrapping.  It would be unwrapped the night of my wedding; where I would share the most magnificent experience of my life.  Suddenly, I felt so guilty and so unworthy because a year back I had already experienced losing my virginity to a guy who I adored, and wouldn’t take no for an answer.  I remember feeling I had ruined God’s  gift in so many ways.  In a way, I am really glad I think so much; LOL because if I hadn’t I always joke I could be the biggest whore in the city; but the truth is; at a very early age right when I could understand; I knew I wanted to sex to be special.  I knew I wanted it to be between me and my one and only; if not it really wasn’t that special after all.  By the time I was an adult I knew that if I had sex it would have to be in a committed monogamous relationship; so I quickly and prematurely married at the age of 18 years old.

One day; after many years of marriage, and education of course in Marriage and Family; I realized; that there are some roads that people go down in their relationship with another; sometimes alone; sometimes together; but the scary thing is once you have visited that place; there is no turning back.  There are a few very dangerous roads couple choose to take together; and not realizing after their decision; their relationship can lose respect and trust for numerous different reasons, reasons you may not even understand until after the fact and by that time it is too late.  Why do so many people put good relationships at risk; sometimes the only reason is a thrill; and they really don’t understand the risk they are taking or understand what it would do.  I am definitely a person who has chosen a  few times to play with the devil as you would say.  I am very open-minded so it is very easy to want to understand all the curiosity that lives inside; sometimes we even make choices we aren’t completely sure of and don’t feel right about because we want to give the other person what you think they want or need when it may not be what is what or needed at all.  If you care about your relationship don’t ever put it at risk for something stupid; or you may just spend the rest of your life regretting it.

The world is full of quick temptations for instant self gratification;

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and I won’t lie when I tell you how many offers I have had to take my clothes off in so many fashions for promises of all the worldly goods… I really needed to take into consideration what that would do to my integrity though.  I know they say, prostitution is the oldest profession; and I can truly see how that is true… we as a society need and long for companionship, love, and acceptance and it seems people have forgotten what love and marriage is about; and instead recycle because the other person is ALWAYS the real issue.  The more I find myself listening to couples I always am amazed how lonely people are.  The grass always seems greener on the other side; it really is true especially when we hear the day in day out gripes…Some don’t even care how decisions have made them feel afterward; because they were already in a bad feeling before.  People don’t seem to feel shame; it seems we are at large a DE-synthesized society.  Do people feel ashamed of the choices they have made and how it will affect their family or even future children. Every offer seems like an opportunity for them, an opportunity of excitement; an opportunity to feel a need they think will make them feel better; and some will settle for anything even the most obvious bad choice. When did we choose to not care enough to be selective on who we share with; when did everyone that wanted get the right?  I know the only time I actually thought about considering  making a choice that would go against my morals was when I thought there was not any other choice; but let me tell you; that is a lie; we always have a choice.      How would I feel knowing my father above was watching all my choices and knowing this was the one I would choose especially if it was losing integrity for gas or food.

Everything in life is getting more expensive.  Except for people, people are getting cheaper.

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I made a lot of mistakes, and got into a lot of trouble; but every single choice I made I had to live with the consequences.  Consequences are ALWAYS worth taking into consideration…The funny thing is the more I struggled the more I witnessed what seemed like ~ the rest of the world had it easy. I would go to the beautiful homes of those  who sold drug, sex, I would see the pictures and hear stories of all the spontaneous trips and vacations of those who were scamming another and getting richer day by day.  I would see all the cold-hearted ass-kissers who kissed the right ass to just get ahead.  I would spend my days working for the government in welfare fraud to see how the poor made ways for themselves to get ahead, in any means possible because they too loved their kids and wanted to give them what they couldn’t and I completely understand desperation.

It is so easy for so many to allow themselves to stereotype and assume; I know I am guilty of making such a stupid decision before; but I have practiced over time to not allow any prejudice to cloud my thoughts.

Whether I win or lose; I will know I fought fair and with all I have in me for the purpose.

My personal problem is keeping my mouth shut before I jump to conclusions. I am a work in progress just like you.  I get hurt; sometimes I jump to conclusions; and more times than so, my past fears creep up on me; to scare me into believing that my current reality is a lie.

I think about all the hard times I have/had, hmmm seems to be my whole life; but lately; and I see and can understand how people can become mad, angry, and bitter. I think about all the sin I have done during those difficult times; just allowing anger and hate into my heart for a minute… When you are battling to stay out of the darkness and not give in to the daily temptations just because it’s easier.  I don’t know if you reading this have ever wondered how you are going to find enough money to pay the rent, keep the electricity on, keep the water running, enough to feed your family and have enough for yourself.  No doubt hard-times bring out the beast in me to survive.   I hate the failure I feel I am ; I hate the faith that is gone; and then from somewhere; I don’t know where; because nothing has really came around to make things easier; but maybe a few friends who give to you in their own way; just because they care… and that little hope makes you remember who’s love alone has made you stronger…. that is right; the King of glory the King above ALL kings….and you are left in awe, in wonder; and in a lot of tears because all  you’ve been doing is yelling;  pleading, “How and why do you fail me Lord; I stay good but I get no break… ”

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Can you think of the toughest time you have had; if you asked your closest friend; please let’s trade places; and you had a magic wand that gave you the ability to do so; would your friend who is in comfort; put themselves at risk to take your place?  Who do you know that holds that kind of love.  I know Jesus has already carried the cross for us; and we are told; work hard today; but do not worry about tomorrow for I have carried the cross for you.  It is so hard to accept that no matter what the outcome is; and no matter how much we want for things to work out our way; the world is going to happen just as it should anyway.  Why do we spend so much of our time full of anxiety and worry.  The reason is because it is so easy to lose faith.  Sometimes we get surprises; we are left in awe how we made it through; we find ourselves getting a lucky break; but sometimes we don’t.  There are times we just stop and pick up the pieces and do what we can to start again… Begin again~  Faith gets us through and makes us know we have unfailing love and if we didn’t have free will Jesus would free us all of pain and misery.  We are not robots we are people we always have a choice; but sometimes we don’t because of dominoe affects; and we just have to roll with the punches.

It is funny I have so much confidence when it comes to counseling others; but I find myself crying and frustrated when things are not working out my way.  I told my daughter Miley, remember three important things; and we often sing in the morning; to have FAITH, HOPE, and CHARITY.  I tell her have faith that everything that is happening is happening for a reason; to make you the person you need to be.  Have faith~  Faith is when you  believe something is true, even when you can’t verify it with your sight, with your hearing, with your touch~ you can’t grab it and observe it.  You know though, you believe 100% and no one can change your mind or tell you it isn’t so.  You have to believe in God; know he is there with you; every step of the way; he is right beside you even through the toughest times; and he wants to help you to smile again and feel love even when you can’t.  He is there with you when you feel alone; just stop and talk to him; he wants you to; he wants to be included all the time.

I tell Miley never lose HOPE; always hope for the best and always hope something better can happen even when times seem horrible.  Don’t believe the lie; don’t believe that is it; don’t believe that there is nothing that anyone can do differently.  Don’t believe it is the way it is; and it just has to be.  Believe in hard work; believe in change, believe everyday can get better.  Believe YOU can make the difference; you have the power!  Hope for a better tomorrow and make it happen.  Don’t just hope and wait; hope and make it happen. You can always change your mind!

Charity~ remember it is not always about you; sometimes we are there for others.  People need us, we can give to others and we will get back…. Love your neighbor; love your friends, and haters….. that is what makes you different!

When we are going through hard times it is very difficult to remember all this; but worrying will get you NOWHERE!!!  Remember he has the power to bring our chaos back in to order; ask him; ask him how and he will show you the way.

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Relationships are probably the most important thing in my life; each I have with all my loved’s ones; but one of my fav’s besides my kids of course; is the relationship I have with Gus.  My degree is in counseling because I truly believe; nothing is ever hopeless but first someone has to care!

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Relationships can be very hard if you think about all the stress we have to deal with in this life; the changes we as humans go through; and the ups and downs of moods; if we don’t put the time and EFFORT in the relationship it will suffer; no doubt.  If anyone thinks that relationships are just naturally good and some are just terrible; this is YOUR PROBLEM!

I learn a great deal from all those around me, so I try to keep my variety top notch 😉

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It is very easy to forget all those little things that drew us the person we love; we find ourselves demanding the love and respect we feel we deserve; when we appreciated all the efforts before.  So many stop doing those things for the other person; and even start doing them for other people who seem more interested in them.  The moment you stop being interested in your partner; and begin wondering about others; is a huge RED FLAG something is NOT being met.

The little things that were done during the “INFATUATION” period of the relationship

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need to be continued 6 years and even 30 years and more into the relationship.  The only way to understand what is really important to work on is through COMMUNICATION.  WE tend to hold onto the same needs; so when you want to know what he/she needs today; start by asking after you showed you care by fulfilling a need you do know; come on; you know; it is how they allowed their heart to be captured by you.

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I really appreciate the picture above because it applies to any situation really; any problem or issue.  If you have a problem it is usually a problem from another underlying greater issue; the most effective solution is figuring out the real issue or what is causing the undesirable behavior. So; for example if you have a problem with trust; creating an environment that could potentially cause more distrust; is a solution for a relationship killer.  You have to create an environment that fulfills your needs and equally important is the needs of your loved one.  Remember all those reasons you fell in love with that person; and let them know.  Remind them why they matter; why you choose them, remind the no one else can fulfill a need only they can or should.  Remind them they are irreplaceable; and then do it again EVERYDAY that you care about that relationship!

“Linger”

If you, if you could return, don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade.

I’m sure I’m not being rude, but it’s just your attitude,
It’s tearing me apart, It’s ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn’t be so confused and I wouldn’t feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.

But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

And I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

 

One thing that is for sure; that love certainly does make us feel like a fool; especially when we have been made to feel like a fool by those liars and cheats  from the past;
 who have proven who the real fools are!  Not in this love baby; a love completely different than any before.

So I know with 2015-2016 being one of the toughest periods of our life; there is NOWAY I’d want to share “Hard-times” with any other soul on this planet. I am completely in love with you and especially all those added benefits I acquired when I received my key to your heart and soul under lock!  I can’t imagine my days without your dramatic style; everything is so intense with us because we are both like these odd movie star’s trapped in our bodies… I was telling Marisa How you taught me the importance of undivided attention; and for someone always trying to get GREAT things done; multitasking has always been my specialty.  I take notice when I have something  to tell you; the world shuts off; and I am yours; thanks for giving me that because no one did it before; and I never knew how amazing it feels to know with that gesture; I am very important to you.  I guess I even appreciate those , “We need to talk I  have CONCERNS…” scares that 100% of the time; is you wanting my attention; and me realizing how starved I get over yours; because life keeps us so busy.   You and the kids will always be my priority.!

Thank you for always reminding me to be the best Michele with ONE L; and in that you know when I am slacking on my mothering; because lately I need to be mothered so… I know I am a great mom an awesome mom but that isn’t enough for our kids; they deserve the BEST mom I can be. You always give all your heart in fathering them.  Teaching Jay all those important things you had to learn on your own; and loving the girls and knowing all the time the emotions of everyone in this crazy love nest; so you can be the best to us.

I love the practice of open communication we share; and how over the years that alone has power so great so strong; maybe even more powerful than your penis 😉 Nahhhhh  I hope to always continue to be that person you completely trust and know is on your side; the person who will never judge you; always practice forgiveness with you; and show you all the sides of me as well.

I love how completely crazy you are;

how completely crazy I am;

and the complete crazyness of of who we are together! If only there were an award given for the most entertaining couple EVER!!! HANDSDOWN~us

I love how after 6 years you always act like you can’t get enough of me

~how even blogging or writing becomes a task for me; I just want to ending at times; so I go to my “OFFICE”hoping to compete with little or no distractions; but realize is causes  MORE distractions because I have to stop every 2 min to yell with you through the door.  Remember, what you always tell me babe~~~

I love how you make me feel like a better woman; and how you told me that I give you the power you have needed to find your strength and be ambitious; that is such a great compliment I hope I never stop doing that for you. I hope to continue to point out how much of a genius you are; I admire your creative mind; and your inventive mind; who creates the most awesome designs that people can’t even imagine what it will be~only in the mind of Gustavo!

I appreciate our strong connection; how we don’t want to do things apart; how we prefer to do things together because it is so much better.

Always remember I love you Chingos babe, even when I have to wash the dishes!

 

 

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