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Life, a Date like no other~

Yesterday was one of the toughest days of my life and it continues, but in a different way;

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One thing I thank God for; is the Peace he puts in my heart; in my spirit.

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After  our date last night, I received exactly what I needed.

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He is amazing; he always knows what I need; even when I don’t know; but there he is; giving me what I need; he always pulls me through…

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I am strong, we are stronger together; I have the KING on my side and I am his princess; I come from royalty

It seems I have gone through a lifetime of difference; always trying to make order from the disorder; even as a little girl it seemed to much to understand; but it wasn’t for me understand just yet.  Since I can remember; I had to be at least six years old; I found my constant companion, chaos.  Chaos continued to be my company, my best friend who refuses to leave my side; almost always there to remind me his job is never done; and always holding on tight reminding me, there is NO RANSOM I am all his.

Full of fear, I ask for help and there you are as I finally focus, on my other side; always by my side when I call your name; I look and there you are; staying true; how do I forget about you?  How do I ignore your presence?   Like magic my fear is gone and I have found my comfort again.

My entourage is big sometimes; I am a lover of people and friends; so they see a friend in me; shining with love and comfort to give; because that is what I want.  Sometimes, my entourage is small because just like me; we all have our fears, make mistakes, and refuse to forgive; even when we are all the same; with just one mighty judge.

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No matter who is on my side; no one can compare; you are greater than any, you take me  onto your shoulders dear one; you allow me to fly; and when I do; wow, can I fly. <3

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Recently, this week~ I found myself in a situation that is very familiar; I have been here before in this place; it is a place of sadness; when the sun becomes your early morning wedgie. When the flowers are the scent that brings up the word vomit; I am sad; and can’t find my happy place.  I feel so isolated; so alone; emotionally broken, knowing that no one can give me the answer; and the reality is no one can because it isn’t there life to live.  Who am I to decide what to say, I am just a sinner I am tainted; I am everything Jesus is not; who am I to lead, who am I to direct?

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How can I be here again, it was a horrid trauma and not just that; but how many times must I relive the places no one else has to walk or would even get close to?  Familiar places give you an advantage though; this time; you will do it differently; with a little more knowledge and wisdom; it doesn’t take away pain but it maybe a little bit easier.  Like a cruel joke; my cross seemed so much heavier even more than the initial hit; as I looked at all the familiar devastating elements; I then saw the most beautiful familiar face; that of my child.  Life plays dirty; the dirtiest.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, and all I can do is carry her through…. If I had to go through hell to carry her through; that I would do… that is what love is; and I know love!  I live love, if there is anything I understand it is that of love; because I feel his love.

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When I walked in and saw with my own eyes your body in Eucharistic form just like the last supper; I felt your presence,  you are here …

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you are with me everyday; a peace was inside; I was overcome by the comfort of your arms my Lord.  Best date ever… the connection was amazing; your mercy~ is relentless… how can anyone doubt this?

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and sometimes I am positive all I really know is LOVE and how it continues to go on and on.

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I don’t know why life is so hard, or why people like me~ the anxious ones are given so many reasons to find the sincerity of anxiety.  I don’t know why those like me~indecisive and full of panic., are given the hardest decisions to make during the hardest times, to lead others to believe when all I want to do is fall apart.

All I understand is love; so I begin this Friday with the love of the truth…

 

He will get us through!

Thank you  St. Pius X 3907 Harry Wurzbach, San Antonio, Texas 78209 for the intimate setting!

Adoration is currently open till MIDNIGHT at this location.

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