Todays message~ “It is what it is…” uhg I hate that db quote… but it fits.

so many health issues these days :/ feeling down; the song theme for this blog is perfect… it is fitting to me; my life and today’s thoughts… THIS IS MY SONG 2017 is doing to be different!!!

The truth is my mom is a career genius, she had me as a teen, worked her butt off to progress in her career, and she amazed me every step of the way.. Spending time as Chief Financial Executive, Accountant …even working for Mr. Santikos himself, the movie 🎥 genius. My mother taught me by example when you make a decision to pursue a goal, you go out and get it, no matter what gets in your way, no matter what obstacles taunt your mission.

Me writing with my dinosaur

I definitely get my strength, courage, and relentless tenacity for what I want from my mother.

Unfortunately, I kept looking for the mom who had more time for me and running in the opposite direction of the mom who was running as well. I didn’t want a running mom, lol how ironic though I’d grow up to be a mom who found the love in a good run.

Full Marathon 4 TnT Leukemia

Yup I ran 26.2 miles all at once 😀

The mother who would sit down and listen to what was going on in my world, my mind, be there to cheer with me when I succeed

and cry with me when I needed it.

Again,

And again

Until we were laughing at all the people who made me cry

And stay around to lift me up

My mom stopped crying for a long time and just kept climbing that mountain. My mom always allowed me to express emotion, but then we get up and do something about it, we don’t sit around waste our time, feel sorry for ourselves, we get up and make that difference and make it different!

One day, my counselor Dr. C. JACOBS told me, the best advice I ever got in my life…. We have to stop chasing imaginary people, that mom in my head baking cookies for me when I got home didn’t exist. I was bitter because I spent a lot of time having to do for myself and I felt cheated and angry. I know that is why I am attracted to a husband who will “take care of me.” –which means basically just put me first, because in so many ways, I never was because my parents were busy making a life to beat all odds.

Claire Jacobs told me, the mom that lives in your head doesn’t exist, that isn’t fair to you or your mother who does… the awesome thing is, you can be that mother one day Michele… and so I did!

Marisa was my shadow, my extension, the little Michele who wanted all the things she never got. I was in a lot of ways becoming my mom, I was an awesome mother to her as a child, pre-teen maybe not so much. Preteens I was an awful example of what a marriage was about, ~division, anger, and no communication.  I needed to shift modes here and be the kind of mother Marisa needed at that time.  We can be so hard on ourselves as parents, we want to give our kids all but not too much we don’t want to spoil the child to unrealistic humanly ways, but we love them

and want to see them happy.

When I was pregnant with Marisa and Jay I was on bed-rest for the complete pregnancy from the start. I was on bedrest part of the pregnancy with Miley but this time, it was different; I was in college and transferring to UTSA,

woohoo Roadrunners; where I would eventually get my degree in Psychology. When I moved to UTSA I was  actually able to attend  classes without dropping classes! 🙂
I grew up outside skating, at the mall, chasing boys, I was not a homebody, I think I loved to be out because that is where I got attention, not necessarily from whom I wanted it from, but from everyone else in the world.  Being on bed-rest was hard, I was confined to my bed for 10 months! I wasn’t able to even walk around my own house or contractions would begin within minutes. It was a task to get through brushing my teeth, and if I was stubborn and let the contractions take over I would end up at the hospital with painful shots of Tubuterlin, scolded by my doctor who told me to stay in bed, did I want to lose the baby, did I want to put a poor baby in the ICU in an incubator outside of my body until it could thrive, and miss out on the fact I could bond with this being 24/7…

Let’s say the baby daddy had to take over, he would actually take care of me since I couldn’t do much, I was sad because I was missing out on a lot in the world, but I concentrated on the fact it was my time to be loved. I felt loved, it was my time to matter, it was my time to stop running and enjoy the loving. This was a role that was shockingly awesome in some ways, he was the type who’s mother did everything for him and I pretty much took over, but not anymore. I knew nothing about marriage, communication, or compromise at this age.

I began this blog because I was feeling sad for my awesome long time ~ since 6th grade friend, Tim and his precious wife Candyce. Tim’s wife is going through a tough time with her health and she maybe down 4 months or a year or maybe not all that long, or longer than too long.  We don’t know why, we don’t know how… we want to worry, but we must not worry! Take this time to create something different at least for now, it doesn’t  have to be forever, but if it will be ,  you take control! I know they will, they are the kind of people who work hard and get it done.  However, I know sometimes advice from a friend who loves them both with all the heart, can push into positive thinking, where you both need to be. Candyce tell Tim to build you  a stage, your friends will keep you entertained, if I have to go and perform some Madonna songs so that you can both laugh and shoot darts at me, I am game… I love you!

Take my advice … it amazes me how wise I am just look at the conversation I had with Marisa earlier…

Word out Kanye is bipolar, well of course that genius brain of his ain’t no ordinary brain… 

Marisa down about Kim leaving him…

We ain’t no ordinary folk that’s for sure!

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