17 Confirmed dead
When I first saw news briefings of what happened in Florida I was angered, I changed the channel; it was Valentines day I didn’t want to think about any world issues, or anything depressing. I am lucky, I was able to “turn it off” for a day; many did not have that option. The next day, I decided I didn’t want to see any news, opinions, the way the news seems to sensationalize tragedy, it makes me sick. Instead I wanted to know, who the shooter was. So, I looked at the name of the shooter and researched only about him.
His name was Nikolas Cruz and every article I ignored tended to display, the signs were there, he was angry, he displayed signs of aggression on social networks.
During the 90’s when I was his age, I was involved and lived with a strong presence of gang violence. I lived under the same roof along with kids whose main motives were to party, defend honor, and retaliate for wrongdoings; so lets just say I have had my ears full of listening to shit talkers. Everyday people say all kinds of things they don’t mean, “If you leave me, I will kill myself” “I would beat the shit out of my child if they tried that” “I am going to kill you b” just listen to music; we sing along we feel the feeling; it doesn’t mean we are actually going to go out and do it.
What I was interested in was the bits and pieces of Cruz, that would pin point what was going on his head.
I honestly didn’t feel completely drawn to do a psychological evaluation on this kid; but I was interested and I found out his adoptive mother died in October 2017, six years before that his adoptive father died. Both him and his brother Zachary were adopted by this couple; after his parents died family took Cruz in, he didn’t like it and started to stay with a friends family a few months ago. The family didn’t notice any unusual behavior and if they saw anything they contributed it to his grieving over his mother’s death. The family stated he seemed to be having a hard time with her death. The family also said he did have guns, they were locked up, and only head of household and Cruz himself had access to the key.
Students at the high school said he was abusive to his ex-girlfriend, fought with her current boyfriend, and got expelled. Teachers were informed he was not allowed on campus anymore “with a backpack.” Students did say he spoke of hurting animals. This is a huge red flag; almost every serial killer in history began with hurting animals, which graduates to killing animals; and thus humans. I am not talking about hunting, kill for sport and for eating; I am talking about killing kittens, family pets; and having no empathy; but a strange satisfaction. In his old neighborhood it was said, he would take his dog to a neighbor’s home who apparently raised pigs and entice it to eat their pigs.
There is something about people with social awkwardness that just makes people feel uncomfortable around them; people don’t want to be around them; and I think that is the beginning of them becoming loners; and disliking people.
I was feeling emotional as I am sure everyone else was. I continued on my day, trying to stay positive, until my son would come home. My son is in middle school, I wanted to talk to him about it; and ask about if he had heard; if not I wanted it to be from me; not some kid or media coverage.
My oldest who is 20 years old came home; I could see in her face she was upset; she asked me to watch this video. I told her, if it’s about the shooting I don’t want to see it; I don’t feel like being sad or upset. She told me, “Mom, it’s so terrible!” I needed to see what she had seen!
I love you!
*Michele Renee <3