Learning about Love~ you would think we wouldn’t have to learn about love; since we were born loving perfectly; but along the way some things and some people come along the way and make love seem so deranged. Our parents or primary caregivers are usually the living models about what love is supposed to be like, feel like; how we are supposed to love another. Then we meet other souls who know a different way of loving; and we spend sometimes years waiting for them to love us in our own unique way; and we blame them for not giving us the love we need.
Every relationship begins with the “infatuation stage,” during that stage all needs are met; but it is limited and short-lived while it is easy; it is not the best stage. The next stage, the “relationship phase” is where love deepens and blossoms; this is the best stage <3. I am aware my current relationship is definitely past the infatuation phase and getting into relationship phase, which is scary for someone like ourselves who were both vulnerable not too long ago due to love.
Real love is when discussing the differences begins; it is when we see the faults of the other, learn to accept another’s irritating behaviors, learn our own irritating behaviors and despite being annoyed we still know the other is completely worth it and want to be better for the other person.
So many people think that they need to accomplish a set of goals to feel the love; or get the love deserved. Life never gets easy, we are basically in this struggle together and while you acquire “material stuff,” it never is worth it if you don’t feel the love you need along the way. Building a life together is wonderful; but if it you don’t feel the love today don’t wait until tomorrow and concentrate on fulfilling emptiness with money, cars, houses, and other temporary fulfillment.
Every person’s needs for love is different, completely different for me I believe in the biblical meaning of “become one flesh.” Everyone has their own priorities and will work on what is important to them; I spend my years in college learning about love and relationships and I still have so much to learn; i don’t feel like an expert at all; I feel like a student who will forever be learning about love. If it is important to me; then it has to be important to my partner; because if he is not willing to work on our life as a priority then he can’t love me the way I need to be; and that is not his fault it is just the truth.
For me the most important parts of intimate love is that it is exclusive; in the beginning of a relationship this can be confusing because some people believe as long as it is physically exclusive; then it is exclusive; that isn’t true for everybody. I think the exclusiveness should be in body, heart, mind; and yes I know we are all humans and can get side swiped when we least expect it but that is when we decide how important that decision is; because you will definitely hurt the relationship or kill it when you think something is acceptable to another and you are making them feel disrespected. Then there are certain behaviors that are acceptable to both partners but one is afraid the other may feel disrespected… the key is and should always be communication.
One of my top love languages is actually words of affirmation I am huge on words; I write words I listen to lyrics daily and take them in, I love words!!!! I love to communicate; that is why my degree is in psychology; because it is about listening, understanding the language of the mind. I could live off compliments and encouragement; but I can also be shaken and given doubt with a few wrong choice of words. One of my favorite body parts would have to be the tongue; no doubt~ and sadly the other day my partner hurt me and I kissed him and bit his tongue; not realizing it as we were both playing and feisty I had to take a step back and realize why I was so aggressive.
If that is my love language I definitely don’t want to hear him giving words of affirmation in my own exclusive way of intimacy to another or how is that exclusive to me?
God has definitely sent me someone to test my sensitive meter because he is brass and says the wrong things more than anyone I have ever met; 😀 but we are still learning each other; and while I wouldn’t want to change one thing about him; I would hope he could eliminate saying certain things that don’t really matter to him; but hurt me like hell. I would also hope he learns to use his words in a more loving way; to make me feel loved.
I can say to this day; one of the best compliments I received; that made me feel so loved was someone noticing each time they saw me the colors in my eyeshadow. Greetings would be like; “I love the way you are wearing that hint of green around the purple; it is mesmerizing..” “the way you perfectly blended those colors on your eyes…” vs. “you don’t need any colors on your eyes.”~ the later sounds like a nice compliment touching on the natural beauty aspect; but how about appreciating what is in your face at the moment; and the energy used to hold that feel for the day.
I am blessed that my boyfriend as I shall call him; has taken the time to read some of my writings; a few of my favorite people aren’t much of readers; but this is important to me in getting his affirmation; that is why I started talking to him in the first place because he said he read one of my blogs.
One thing I am learning about him, one of his top love language seems to be, physical touch.
Love is not getting what you want or making someone do what you want, or changing a person to who you want them to be. Love is doing for those you love.
Physical touch is easy for me to give; I love to hug, hold, touch, kiss him and when I am hurt I often pull away to his physical touch and this is definitely not what he needs; and I know I can work on that. It is very easy to want to withdraw or retaliate when we are hurt. One thing I need to concentrate on is stopping, breathing and calming my fire down and remembering what he needs; and remembering what he doesn’t need like a bite to the tongue. 😉
We can’t use our love languages as a weapon to hurt or it will destroy our relationship. Giving him physical touch is easy to me; it’s what I love and it comes naturally I am not being true to my spirit or his when I refrain. I love to hold him; his strength is amazing; and just feeling his body is connected to mine in the car, when we are out, everywhere keeps the anticipation alive of more intimate gestures. We are both physical and active and we both play wrestle and enjoy each others naturally aggressive nature ;).
WE both share Quality Time as a primary love language as well; that is what the next blog will be about. ~