Today I woke up to a message from one of my best friends ever, his name is John. John told me, his pastor told him, “the center of Anxiety is I.” John has been my friend for years I am talking about since my teen years. He was always a close friend who would drive around our neighborhood in his brothers work van while we talked and caught up with one another. The mold was definitely broke after God created him; he was so original, funny, and mature. I always felt John Flores was an older soul; he knew much more than anyone else I hung around with, and the funny thing is I never wanted to stop hanging around him. He was honest and innocent in his heart and he cared so much for everyone around him.
I loved the fact that even when my life was always completely falling apart; he never judged me, he’d go on and pick me up and let me be my destructive self and just let me be me; and then he would stick around until he steered me to a better place.
I know what he is saying is true, we are in control if we feel anxious it is definitely a choice we are choosing. But, how do we get rid of the worry that sits within? I told John this morning not to worry about me, I don’t worry about EVERYTHING. Just about everything and everyone I love. He responded, “Wow, no nothing much then…” I know sarcasm pretty well, I have plenty of sarcastic spirits around me. Here, he has me thinking. I want to let go of all the anxiety, I know and understand it is part of my personal plan, I know a few things~ I know I hate wasting time and I know I truly despise getting hurt again and again. We want to reach out to those we love, but we either don’t want to be a burden, or we think they truly just won’t understand.
Sometimes, it seems when I look back there are a whole lot of people that have been put into my life to simply hurt me; at least that is the way I feel when I am feeling sorry for myself. I know, people are either a blessing or a lesson, but come on… when it starts from birth and from those closest to me; why, just why?
My friend John did remind me what I already know and have preached over and over, the only people that hurt us are those we give permission to ~ but what happens when we truly care or cared for so long. Is it truly hard to let go, for me, yes!
He went on to remind me that pain is a complete eye-opener, which I know is the truth. My most painful writings are still yet, the most significant, I have been blogging over a decade already, and guess what, when I am hurting those writings get the most attention. The truth is we are all suffering and I think a lot of us, want to understand but have no clue.
The hardest pain is always when it involves family. Family has expectations, for every member that plays a part in the family unit. How and why does anyone in their right mind think they can project how another is to live their life? Sometimes family members need the validation to know another is required to take care of them or others. What makes a person feel any other person must live and work hard for you and yours?
Standards are made for us before we are even mature enough to understand.
“This is your job, this is the person you should be, this is what you have done, and this is what you should continue to do;” but, what happens with life changes?
Sometimes people don’t care they just want you to continue to do things their way for their benefit or to have their needs met. Lies are created and people get hurt, then some learn to survive but the trust is gone; and then there comes the expectations. “WE ARE ENTITLED!!!” We love our people no matter how flawed, and we all are! Can we forgive, can we adapt when the dynamic changes?
Today my friend John told me to read 2 Corinthians 16 but hey I always get things wrong but God let me to this passage, LOL so here I go…
Even when our family hurts us, they are not above him, Our Lord. The scary thing is the devil knows our individual weakness, he knows the points where he can enter. Everybody’s point of access is different, but one thing is for sure if you are feeling anxiety or fear or any negative feeling that is not from God, that is from the devil.
Sadly, he wants those that are closest to the Lord the most, so you must be vigilant. I know this from personal experience, during retreats the point when team members begin questioning one another, the smell of “Sulfur” you can smell it in the air… if you sit back and watch you will see the truth.
We are new each day, we aren’t held to standards… REMEMBER THIS, the truth~
As my genius crazy friend reminded me~
those of his household. Whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me…
There are those who will try and understand, and give you a feeling of “Peace” and for that I am thankful!
Move on to make things better. You can’t fix anything or anyone stagnant in their ways. There comes a time, when you have to learn to LET GO, because God is first, he is a God that subtracts fear, anxiety…
2 Corinthians 5:17 The old has gone, the new is here!