Category: Blog

There is still so much left to do, I think I lied to myself when I was young and told myself that I would have everything figured out by a certain age. All of the ages after my own seemed so old way back then… LOL

I find myself at that age time and time again, and realize each time that I’m still trying to figure out life. It seems I am forever starting over and are destined to be on a completely different path this time around.

It is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can feel overwhelming at times, I know more times than not I have been upset with myself for not figuring things out sooner rather than later.

People love to act like they are doing everything ahead of schedule, and sometimes later, people will realize that is not what they should have been doing at all. I know I’d like time back.

My best advice is do not judge another and be supportive to others in a loving understanding way, and if you cannot at least stay in your own lane.

Staying positive in life is not always easy, sometimes we gravitate to those people we truly need, some people leave for while and some forever.

We may feel a pull to new people or old friends, and I think that is God telling us it is where we need to be if it gives us peace.

During my life there has been plenty of times I truly did not know where to turn, yet I trusted my path and more time it has lead me to those who will help me get through onto the next path.

I know who my people are, these are the people when I am around them, do not drain me, they do not try to make me into something I am not. The people who are my people give me strength to keep going, they will not allow me to drown, even if it is just with a positive lift during difficult times.

I need to learn to stand up for what I believe, not the beliefs someone said I should believe, but the beliefs I hold near and dear to my heart.
It is hard to not be overly defensive when under constant attack by certain targets, I know I must remember that I have gotten this far, and I will NOT give up on anything worth it easily. When people are overworked and have a lot on their plate, it is hard to see things as they truly are, sometimes our emotions get the better of us; that is when people need their space; and I can respect that.

Sometimes we need a break, a get a way from the world, time a way to put down the defenses we hold every day. It is important to take the time away to just heal from everything with little distraction. Just remember what is your focus!

One personal problem I have noticed I have is that I have stayed years of my life staying in a place where I should have left long, and what really is dishearting is when you realize how much time you spent making goals and a future with someone who would never even be a part of it.  Time is one of the most precious things we have in this life, we can never get our time back and we don’t understand how fast it goes by until we look back and it is too late.  My issue is planning ahead with all the wrong individuals, wanting and expecting things for a future that would be very different than I wanted before is a huge issue; it is almost like having to start all over again at a time in life where you always thought you would have everything figured out.

Today I am grateful that I hold a deep and profound knowledge about what is right for me!  In the past I have not really listened or even asked myself; I usually spontaneously do what I want for that moment.  I hope today if I can share anything useful it would be the importance~ to get to that point where you will choose to do what is right for you and not for anyone else.  People will hold a legion of different judgments of why they feel you need to do things a certain way, “their” way.  A person’s way, maybe accurate for their course, but not necessarily for another’s.  I am an extremely independent person and feel very strongly about the things I have come to be known as my truths.

I am grateful that I am open-minded, and feel very powerful and determined to share my knowledge with others; it doesn’t mean I will always agree with them, or that they have to agree with me.  I will always be kind enough to respect another can believe things quite differently from me.

I am grateful that I have learned to appreciate that I have let go of a strong need for other’s approval.  There are many in my past, who I felt I needed their validation; I feel so at peace knowing I don’t need to be validated by others; I am worthy I am valuable just because I am me.  I have always been quite an open book; but I realize these days the older I get, the more I am at peace with holding on to my privacy which I never valued before.  I felt if I went through a tide; I had to share with others it was my responsibility to help the world; we can’t help the world; we can be an example; but all in all people have to help their own self, in their own way.

I am grateful I am so full of ideas, sometimes I have to slow my roll… and just fantasize, and other times I need to kick things in gear and realize I am so much more than just a dreamer.

I am so blessed I hold onto my faith so strongly; I know my relationship with the highest power, the Almighty is my place of clarity and rest.  Grateful for my strong instinctive gut feels I listen to when I know inside the Holy Spirit is whispering to me the truth always.  Every year of my life, I can truly say I am at more Peace then ever; and yes; I truly feel even during all these hard times, life does get greater if you allow it and live it.

We are born a small infant who sometimes from the beginning seems to have to learn to wait all day for that physical and emotional contact only to be ignored and treated like your nonexistent. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

We want something different as soon as humanely possible…

I think about the things I do all the time, and all the things I have done in the past, and I try to make sure I am aware and keep constant the shit that works and change the shit that just never did.

We don’t have a lot of time in this life to interact with another, life is just seriously too busy.

We do have to make sure during the limited interactions those we love and interact with know and feel it; the moment is not always about “us.”

Do you feel special?

Oh yeah, I am, I am specially made to be whoever I have to be to make you feel good, to make you feel better after your day, I am here to make you feel strong enough to get through the next day.

When is it about me?

Sometimes we put up with a lot of shit when we have blinders on, but it gets to that point where we refuse to keep the blinder on… we see everything with the mind’s eye… and that is towards the end of a chapter where the important issues are always visible.

Our soul and our intellect finally meet and it’s amazing, we decide what we want to deal with ‘a lot less of , and what we have repeatedly been dealt with. The air is cleared in our head, we are ready to explore what it truly is we deserve, all those things we truly we need. Things are no longer a one-way street where we believe if we meet the needs of another, ours will be reciprocated.

Fk the fantasy we have always imagined, we can use our imagination to make our reality a dream, but the gray may come from another source outside of what you bring, the blockage is not within it is at the surface. Don’t use your physical sense or eyes to see the truth, how does it feel inside… that is the truth.

Blindfolds are great at times because you don’t focus on those things that we or someone else wants us to see.

When we are knocked down, it seems we stop running ahead as if we are injured. And sometimes, when we are injured, our behavior is off because of our injury, we are in another place and we can’t immediately move forward.

Sometimes in order to understand how we are going to move forward, we can truly only see that by staying back and taking notice.

When we feel like we are not consciously living, when we feel like we are just in a mode of survival, is that really living at all?

We basically learn to live by moving, keep moving; we don’t want to settle down, even though that is our goal, we refuse, we need to move in all directions it feels safer, in every and any direction it just feels better. Just because it is the way we have always done it, it doesn’t mean it is the way! We could have been doing it wrong all our lives; especially if we feel the doubts are always there.

I have never felt very feminine, I have always felt more masculine, I have felt like the master who needs to fight strong against all the forces life offers me; extremely curious but blessed with strong intellect to give me answers others will always seem to be seeking.

Then at times, I feel weak, left behind always looking for the new; but always facing the same that always ends the same. I want to feel well on my way, but sometimes It always seems too high. I long for the day we go there; let’s not linger, I don’t want to not continuously want to reach that point. Help me feel my confidence and remind me we are definitely on the way.

I want a love so radical, all they want to do is love me and allow me to focus on my powers where I will reach full success. The one on my side who will not hide behind lies, but be proud of the truth…. for we together can see our potential. I will accept more love, I will laugh more, and feel joy and not fear… but are you ready for that too?

My favorite part of each day is the first breath of renewal I get from the day before. The truth that I don’t have to hold on to anything toxic that yesterday caused me to feel.

The way we can learn from yesterday’s wisdom and can have a new opportunity to make it work today. We decide what we will use for positive growth or simply ignore.

Each day, we may begin with a light, a beautiful little light we hold, but then throughout the day; life, people, world happens and that little light doesn’t shine so bright, and sometimes it just goes completely out. We have people we love, things we love that bring back the warmth; keep more of that around. We bring in our own worth, by allowing all the people who love us interactions that make us feel so worthy. We create love in others when life is so full of ice hearts, angry and bitter spirits. We know what we hold dear to our heart, and so does everyone else, we need to hold onto those with so much conviction because it seems lately the world was made to split us apart.

If we want to know where it really all is at, where it begins and where it all will end, where all the answers are, we only need to close our physical eyes and our spiritual eyes will open and things will be clearer. We aren’t just born once, we are born again and again; there are a zillion things we do or have done that could kill us; and sometimes we die again and again. I can’t wait for that one moment when I am birthed again, with so much better knowledge, so strong in mind, and mentally I am not a misfit; but an enlightened being who won’t be on a defense. Born with determination to get me through again and again; OH wait I still do that! My spontaneous heart will be a little more disciplined and create better habits for me and ultimately you.

I would learn to love God more a lot earlier; I would respect him and acknowledge his presence in the daily and not just the pains. I would continue to see all sides of situations and continue to be nonjudgmental because every has a right to feel. I think everyone needs to find that joy again, that childhood joy from simply existence. WE are so busy blaming, hating, and discouraging.

I know my life hasn’t been easy but what life has handed me in the past is over and done with; I can’t blame the world. I only have today, I can use what I learned and make it better in my own creative way, but fighting and finding fault and blame will solve nothing but keep me down or bring me down further. Life isn’t fair, and still today in so many ways I get the short end of the stick but I can’t sit back and whine; I can drink wine but whining is not anything I’d like to bring to life in me, I am not a punk a$$.

Something great is about to happen, and I am ready to take it on! I can feel the great energy around me, inside me, and all throughout me! The best part is, I know at this very moment what I have to keep, and what I don’t, we all do… the real issue is with dealing with it and facing it. It feels great to know that I have so many options, I am not stuck, we are never stuck but we need to know that, and take control.

It is so great when you get to the point that is past infatuation when you see the truth of everything, and yet even after all the excitement, the newness, there are people or a person that is there who still is worthy of continuing on with. It is great when you feel like Alice in Wonderland, but it is even greater when you fall down that hole, enter the world of madness, and still have some of those you love that are fighting strong with you and/or for you.

No matter how beautiful things may seem, it isn’t always.

You have to get strong, understand, forgive, and decide to keep on understanding even when you think that you can’t. You continue on because you know it is really something oh so worth continuing on for. The real one’s always walk through the shadows with you, and if they don’t, you know that isn’t your tribe.

The reality of things is, everything has a double meaning and I am finally just starting to understand that. The one that makes us feel oh so powerful and great like Oz, also gives us the feeling of the greatest isolation and loneliness.

A very important issue is we have to continue to understand what is hidden and what is in disguise because we unknowingly make our own reality; and with past luggage, we don’t need that reality becoming any part of what was. The thing is what was, or what we wanted is not what shall be or what should be, we always need to reevaluate. What we wanted in the past, is not sometimes what our future needs, and we know all the times we realized, “Thank God for unanswered prayers!” when we realize they were so wrong for who we are. How about all the time we spent trying to make a dumb wish become a reality when all it ever was, was just that; a stupid wish. How about all the new wishes and dreams that we know have, that were never a thought in our world. How about all the new experiences in life, that changed your mind; really changed your mind to all those things you would no longer believe and all those things that you would now start to believe.

My personal problem is when we have been hurt in the past, it is very easy to inhale that same smoke that follows us in the cloud above.

We can’t ever stop ourselves from dreaming and moving but I do know that the ultimate goal is finding all those things that presently serve you and those you love. What is important is finding all those things, that bring you happiness today. The truth is, getting to that moment where we are happy and want nothing more. It doesn’t matter what else you get, what else you find, if you aren’t happy with what you have known, or know you may never be… SETTLE THAT!

Growing up with a bunch of difficulties is tough, but I will tell you what… having a friend by your side who makes you forget all the shit cards continuously being handed to you is a blessing one cannot notice.  My friend, Tim has always been a blessing to me, even throughout the uncertainties, we never were able to be certain about much but what we were certain about was our friendship that gave each other a much-needed peace.

Today is my friends birthday and I want Tim to know how special he is to me.  How blessed I feel about how we have both stayed dedicated to staying in each other’s life; especially during hard times, struggles, and so many changes and adjustments.  What I do know is that our friendship has been one of the greatest successes of my life, even during our moments of busy lives.   It is amazing to know someone with your whole heart, and back from a time and place when we really didn’t know who we wanted to be, but we knew who we were and that is what mattered.

It is funny when I think about all the places we have been both dependently and independently; and no matter how different or out of scheme things seemed we were still there to always support each other, and even after.

I don’t quite understand how these type of larger than life friendships develop over so much time, but I wouldn’t change it if I could, and I really wish I could bottle this shit up… and we’d both be set for life, but hey maybe we already are.

I think most people could vouch for the truth, of, your effort you give for those you hold dear in your spirited soul.  Thank you for expending so much of that loving energy in me.  I am very grateful over the last few crazy years I have been able to spend more and more time with you, this year alone has been groundbreaking; thank Covid~ who knows, thank life~ showing us the real truth about so much, who knows; all I know is I feel thankful.  I look forward to making new memories with you and your wonderful tribe, who know are mine.   I love you dude!!!!   I wish we could wrestle like we use to, lol but we are so fuckin old and it will take MONTHS to recover 😉 Happy birthday!!!

~ Mitch, Madonna, Michele

So many of us have been having nightmares or unable to sleep and we wonder why it is so hard to get a good night rest. We feel tired during the day, and know our bodies and brain need more sleep. As easy as it may seem to just simply, go to sleep; it isn’t.

Resting isn’t always easy when we hold onto so many thoughts we try to forget, get rid of, or maybe just try to understand; even when we are tired, sometimes our mind continues the race. Something about the dark forces us to begin to think when we’ve kept our brain focused and busy on worldly cue’s throughout our day. We begin to think about all the things we need to do something about, and then meticously design a new day of getting it done.

We may even begin to let our fears creep in, remembering when we felt a certain way before, we may begin to worry about things we shouldn’t even worry about.

When you have been through a lot it is very easy to get entagled with all your mental glimpes of all the places you have ever been in the past and don’t want to ever go again. You begin to think about all the ways this chosen path is becoming to look rather terrifying because this doesn’t look familiar at all, even if it’s a good thing.

We fear because it looks unfamiliar, which make us to fear it isn’t something that should/n’t be, our mind really does this… and we would rather go to familiar uncomfortables then unfamiliar comfortables. Repeating patterns here~~~~

Hold on to anything that makes you feel good. everything that brings glimpses of light around you, or a lightness and easy feeling; hold tight. Don’t let it go.

Let your pass inspire you, and use your knowledge and wisdom of the path to be your dagers you fight with. Don’t rush things! It is something I learned lately, take as long as you need; it will happen when it is supposed to happen and not a minute sooner.

Let every thought puff away from you in a cloud of black; and replace with what gives you light; and keep doing it and feel yourself, be aware of your body relax. Don’t EVER close your YES to the TRUTH! No matter who bad it may make you feel; don’t make it become a cycle; face it and get it today.

YOU will feel the weight of your world lifted and you will release! I think it is also extremely important to open up your mind and heart to new truth’s that will definitely feed the heart with love; authenticity is beautiful!!!! Feelings of blessings will emerge, and beauty will fill your soul; how can it not; nothing can quite beat the feeling of really being authentic to your inner self.

Remember the difference between isolated issues and patterns, allow your insight but still leave room for growth.

Fight your beast, be resilient, be strong… don’t cement the beast to live a life in your dreams at night.

Sometimes, our biggest dilemma is taking control of our life. It sounds pretty easy, until we make decisions and we realize how many others actually play a huge part in controlling our life. The thing is, we can act like we don’t care, but in actuality we do, because it is usually those people we care the most about who want to steer us into their own direction. People have ideas of what road we need to take to get to where they think we need to get to.

All I know is that I feel I have been fighting through a desert since I was born, but I know along the way I have meticulously transformed everything into something even greater. The great thing is we are not our past, we can have a transformation of renewal numerous times on this earth. The truth is we have to pay our dues here on earth and or we have a task to complete here before we are able to reach to eternity.

While we are here, how do we learn to turn everything into a greater meaning, how do we not waste our time and energy? How do we make sure we don’t waste away and allow others to stop our wilting. How do we start from a new place we have never been, with new grounds we don’t know and bloom? How do we make our desert into a Garden of Eden or something quite similar?

I want chivalry to still exist and be true. How do we find honor when no one seems to respect their own self or those they love. How do we get respect when we can’t even respect others because they have no honor. What happens when you are brought up with values but the rest of the world has none. Every media link reminds us that values do not exist, every selfish person who only fends for their own selfish needs. What if you hold value in your heart but it isn’t reciprocated. How do you make sense of allowing it into your own life when you know better, but really half of the time is it really about putting up with the least of the worst?

Where is all the integrity when people do what is right because they believe they have the integrity to the person they want to be. Decisions are made from the person because that is the kind of person they strive to be, and not to be because they don’t want to get caught or out of fear.

The only way to truly protect another is when you completely respect them.

Each day, begin with self-awareness, that means to live like the person you want to be, live like the person you want to be by your side. We really do manifest our own destiny. What I have learned so far is that my main purpose is to find my place in this world, and the only way that is going to happen is when I rule over my place that is right! It may not be right for anyone else, or even make sense to me but I have to trust my calling. God will bring to the conscious what it is we must know, and that we have to trust, fight hard for our journey and no matter how long it takes or where it goes.

Happiness is of the utmost importance to me; I am aware it exists I have seen glimpses of it time and time before, and recently more than ever. I never fear being an open book, and I really could care less what another decides about my life; as long as it brings me and others the truth or enlightenment. Life may not be peachy all the time, but I won’t pretend it is, and I respect people who don’t act like it is. If it is not ok, I don’t want anyone to act like it is, that is a lie. I don’t appreciate lies and I don’t respect fakeness, and that is one thing I hold strongly to, and I may not always agree with it; because believe me it isn’t easy especially when I don’t like the fact I feel disrespected by those I try hard not to disrespect, but hey I still have to respect the fact they are being truthful.

If you feel a relentless nightmare, you may have undigested thoughts that need to be worked out; and no matter how dark if you want them to end, face it. Getting rid of the darkness is the only way to get to see the light. Don’t wait to the moment when you one day, wake up and are shocked by all the darkness. Don’t suppress your thoughts and feelings even if it means someone else will be hurt, or it will be a neverending roller coaster of the same chasing of your tail.