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REBOUND, I want more!

For all the bishes that call REBOUND; that word has become one of the most miraculous words I have yet known; and if this is rebound ~~~~ give me more!!!!!!!

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It has almost been 6 months that I decided to leave the relationship with Gus; it was hard because we truly were best friends; neither of us wanted to hurt each other; and thankfully neither of us purposely did.

3 major episodes sent me over; and it was the last one that took us both over the edge and drove us apart to a place where I would find myself saying I won’t, I can’t , I will never go back…

The mental illness was too much for our relationship; losing jobs, cars, housing, all our belongings more than twice; and mix in the toll our hanging security raveled on with all the games and bullying from the “haters” who consistently worked for years on sabotaging our relationship would lead to the inevitable. We always knew we were too strong to let it happen; we had each others back and would never allow toxic to overpower; but slowly it did. People put in doubt and add it mental illness and it was too much for anyone to take.

I had to do what was right for me and I decided to do that on my birthday of this year; June 6, 2018; and I spent the rest of June and July crying hysterically because of the guilt, fear, and the pain.

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During this time I met a friend who God would send to help me remember what life was supposed to feel like.

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It was about a month when Rico came into my life; unexpected and completely it seemed out of nowhere. The only thing I knew when I met him was I had a broken heart, I never wanted to be in another relationship as long as I lived, and that I was going to spend each day with the people in my life who would make me forget the pain; I just needed to forget…

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and he walked in and made me forget with one glance back at me after our initial meeting.

We were both going through some heavy stuff at the time; little did I realize God send me him and sent me for him. I don’t believe in promises because nothing is really a guarantee; I learned that with Gus no matter how beautiful it seemed; nothing is always as it seems. My trust was lost and really I was just ready to play and not take another relationship serious.

Rico came to me with confidence and I was attracted to that; because no one has ever stole my confidence away before; I am always on top of my game; I felt like no one was above me but God and my kids and because I put them there. I never met someone and instantly felt “they gave me a run for my money,” but something about him made me forget my name and those of all the people around me; all I knew was for the first time I didn’t remember to hold and own the world in my hands; I wanted to crawl in his and just be with him. Everything I ever knew was nonexistent for a moment in time; and I didn’t understand why, but my curiosity would send me to find out.

The first time we went out the only expectation was this is my new friend and we are going to have fun together; that was always my expectation each new day~

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For some strange reason the magnetic force was so strong that after our first outing; we weren’t able to stop and we literally consistently pulled to be with each other everyday since; so what started out our journey with our anthem… our goal forget about life; and all the stress and pain; and Let’s just Get Lost… I would even begin singing and chanting in his beautiful ear… these wonderful lyrics~

On the daily we find us; losing everything we ever knew; leaving behind all the bullshit we carried for so long; losing it all because it was finally time …. and choosing to leave it all behind and learning to accept losing what is no longer our reality.

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Rico I love your trust in me; the fact that during a time that life decides to tear your heart to the core; at the same time it was doing it to mine all we both wanted was to hold on even tighter to each other. When everything was in our life was showing us; everything you have known so far is not anymore and in a lot of ways shouldn’t have ever been; we still wanted to trust what we know as the truth. We both are extremely loyal for the main fact that is who we are; and we not only trusted each other but held on and watched understandingly as we closed our previous chapter. We were both always truthful 100% and honest with each other and sacrificed even during our own painful time to allow the other to do what they needed in our own way; even if we had to compromise a little understanding initially.

You always joke and tell me I will fall in love with you “later” when you show me what you can do for me. I don’t know how you can’t see I don’t live for later; and as far as I am concerned you have reached capacity ūüėČ …. I love you completely today; and If tomorrow I can love you more than we are truly blessed and have a life to look forward to but while I do love you for how you make me feel; I love you because of the man you are now.

I love you for the courage you show me everyday; when you listen to my fears and stay by my side. We may have started off getting Lost Together; but even more beautiful is the us we are finding together. The us; that doesn’t like to be away from one another; the wonderful attachment that makes us feel incomplete and lost without the other in the moment.

I love how we laugh so hard over the stupidest things right in the middle of this super serious life we are sharing.

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I love the spontaneity of us; stopping and pulling over to dance in the rain every chance we get… it has been a rainy few months; Thank the Lord for all the opportunities to make some of the greatest memories right here in our world where ever it maybe …

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I love your strength and tenacity because dumb fks can come at us from every angle imaginable; but we just actually get up, dust that shit right off and keep going.

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and you’re from the hood; enough said ūüėČ

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current mode for us has been~

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Do you even want to know

Continuing this wonderful LOVE journey; learning love better on the daily… Today lesson makes me think about the importance of understanding.

Proverbs 13:15 teaches us that UNDERSTANDING always wins favor.¬† The way of the unfaithful will always be hard; and then people wonder why love is hard.¬† Love isn‚Äôt hard; it‚Äôs about understanding; taking the time to understand something or someone that is different than what we know.¬† I think more times than not people just want us to do what they say, without much thought about reason; and if it‚Äôs even working as is doesn’t matter they just keep doing the same things yet except a difference.

Are we so smart and perfect that we just expect the world to adjust to our own way of thinking?

Maybe that is where the problem is… and more times than not, that is why fools remain fools, and people cycle around that vicious circle of same issue different soul…

Trust brings healing!

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Love your life

Inquiring minds always want to know and Michele Renee well, that is me! I’ve spent my life sharing honesty, ūüíĮ, real , raw, yup; an open book. Sharing everything I understand and all I completely try to and will without a doubt get to!

The last few months has taken me on a journey unlike any other, searching and trying to hold on to the sweet memories of the past; but also learning to let go and accept the fact, the past is the past!

It’s always easy to remember the memories with golden sprinkles of excellence but the truth is the existence lives in my brain the way I decide to keep it, and the truth is, it’s gone!

The last few decades I begged God, send me love and in so many strange ways he did. Finding love in so many ways made me realize it wasn’t found on the outside, but within.

A few months ago I was hurt really bad in love and I didn’t want God to ever send me love again I just wanted to love, understand love and learn it on a whole new level…ask and you shall receive! When you give love though it definitely comes back twofold!

A better me begins each day and along the way God sends me new people to love and appreciate, it doesn’t mean any of the others are less worthy it’s just I follow my heart and trust and it’s always the way it should be. As most people will say I hold high energy, loving each day with a thrive, my peeps are always the ones with that high energy climb…. mistakes are being made but together we are learning and making adjustments because we matter individually, paired, and in unison.

Living with haters who wanna watch a fall , lol makes us laugh harder and appreciate the struggle in all ….

There are a lot of fake people who act like they love us and have our back but the truth shows, love doesn’t have conditions. I know we get mad when life doesn’t work as we planned but it isn’t our plan it’s God’s plan! It’s not about reading a few bible verses and believing it and stopping there! Let’s think about living the word on the daily even when it’s not in our selected favor, the one we believe should be happening when we want it to.

I’m sorry if I hurt you, our understanding maybe done but I never meant to hurt you. If you look at me and it creates a negative emotion within that’s not what it was ever suppose to be about. I don’t understand why life happens the way it does but this year more than ever I pray for peace and understanding and if someone is stuck in their own belief system, there isn’t much compromise there.

When you spend the last few years struggling and losing everything you worked hard for and held onto you learn to really just love what you have today and enjoy this moment.

Yesterday was never better than today and tomorrow will be even greater. Fuck that motto, “There are no guarantees!” We hold the power to be greater than before and that is a guarantee! The moment you let go of the control to be better is the moment you will skip, fall and miss it!

I’ve spent the last few months with all those people I know who remind me its time to thrive ! The haters around just remind us all that we’ve just arrived earlier so all we can do is hope one day they get there too and if not, sucks for them! ūüėā

In every fight the struggle is different and only quite a few embrace that and learn it enough to appreciate the blessed finish!

I’m on my way and loving each day, at last !

I have always been honestly blunt and as much as I love words and talk without much pause I’m learning too! The things we say can echo on and on for an eternity, and people give me their words and I take them for truth when actually they can often be a bunch of beliefs that only live in their head. So working on speaking only words of encouragement, hope, and always truth and if we can’t be that in each other, chapter ends! Sorry for the terrible things I’ve said in anger to you if I’ve ever hurt you. I am learning when I’m emotional, I need to talk to God first!

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Why can’t I feel loved the way I want, need, and deserve?

I am angry at life for taking me on an unexpected journey. I am frustrated with friends who love me with conditions, angry when I don’t do what they say, unforgiving people who have flaws of their own. I am sad when loved ones demand and expect me to give when I’m trying so hard to just make it to the next day. When I give myself to one which I rarely do and they can delete a part of me from a certain side of their life for whatever reason they feel necessary, and act as if they are unaware. I’m hurt by times I’ve giving my love away and made myself believe it was reciprocated, and not just during convenience of desire.

I believe I haven’t quite received the level of love that keeps me secure because I have a little more to learn to reach that level. It’s amazing to realize every single one of us has the same instructions on finding true and secure love, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us the way.

We can’t just preach and sing of the word if we don’t really learn how to truly love one another. We must learn that we are not greater than any other, we all have different gifts, we all contribute in our own individual ways. Many of us have the opportunity to shine bright in the day sky for the world to see, while others shine just as bright in the night sky while most are asleep.

The truth is no matter what we have done or do, when we leave nothing if it isn’t done from love. If we spend our time with others but feel no love, we can walk away and truly say it was nothing.

Love is patient it doesn’t rush another it doesn’t keep score. If you are tally the occurrence or keeping tabs on the gifts given or received is there patience? Patience is not having an immediate answer or resolution, even if we expect a certain outcome. Patience is having a strong mind keeping high energy while staying devoted. Crisis definitely tests are patience and shows who will die at the post!

Love is kind, it is what Gods grace is all about. Kindness is being unselfish and having sympathy for another. It’s being tender toward those who show the need, and being a friend. Kindness is tolerating others especially when they are intolerable, but considering what they are going through in this world and being generous and caring for their best interest.

Love doesn’t envy another. Love doesn’t hold grudges, it learns to forgive with understanding. Love is letting go of self importance, it is not self seeking. Love is knowing that God is greater than I .

Rudeness is causing violence and creating disorder, love is not rude. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs!

The words from God!

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Women! fRIENDS <3

Everyone has a MOTHER~ in order to exist, you had a mother at some point who birthed you, we all came from a WOMAN.

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Mothers,

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Grandma’s,

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Sisters,

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Aunts,

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daughters, and friends

~~~who are our angels

this article is dedicating to those angels in our life… may we continue to find them, may we strive to be them!

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This is a little article about women, friendship; and a few lesson learned along the way ūüėČ in just the past few days.

I love love LOVE women!

From early as I can remember, GiRlS have made my life heaven & hell… but it has always been another girl who always lifted me up, straightened me out, or guided me in some way.  As early as I can remember, girls can be mean… I remember having issues with girls in middle school, high school who didn’t like me, and they straight up told me I don’t like you, I don’t have a reason… It’s O.K. though I am not put on this earth to be liked by all ūüėČ and if you don’t like me, you clearly don’t understand me, and I don’t need you in my life at this moment.

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I will advise my women, hold on to the goodness inside and don’t allow any other soul to make you hate. Do NOT become a follower and give in to what is easier.

My grandmother is my Queen  

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my mother is my strength,

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and my daughter’s are my weakness~

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My Sisters In Christ remind me what the journey is all about on the daily;

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My friends make the journey of LIFE all worthwhile.

Friendship is very important to me, I am the kind of friend who cherishes the few I allow in my life, which isn’t many, time is valuable and we all know that… only the best get my time.  Lately, it seems the sadness of losing more throughout the years seems to increase and I really need to make more time for those friends I continuously find myself putting on the back burner.  I am understanding, but, if you show me ONCE I can’t trust you, I believe you will show me again and again.  The thing is, you will know I am a loyal friend who will be there for you always and keep you in my heart, just like I do my own family members who are my treasures and I will guard with all I have….

I don’t take a lot of time out to “have fun”, I have my responsibilities and they are plenty just like everyone else’s; but I do know the importance of making the time for those who are important; that is what relationships are all about.

To me as a friend, woman, person… I find it very important to take out time and spend it with ALL the people who matter~

One of my friends Veronica,

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wanted to take me out for my birthday a couple of days ago.  WE always have a great time just connecting, that is the kind of friends I adore…

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laughing, de-stressing, ranting, letting it go, laughing some more, and finding solutions for life’s kicks in the butts,

let’s keep it real there are times in life we are involved in scandals, we are eating Ramen Noodles trying to survive… we wonder what is next in this roller coaster of a life???  I consider myself lucky when I realize I still have my good ol’trusty friends from the beginning; who have been through so many stages of our lives together; and guess what we love each other MORE and more.

Friends laugh even if its just acting completely stupid together.  Friends, don’t have to make sense they do what they feel and it’s OK… and the plus side is being a good friend is an example that you will pass on and on and on…

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Make time for friendship connections, its important. 

If we are friends, in this life together; if I consider you a friend, you are extremely important to me, friends really are important ~when you have the right ones, and its true life is so much better with them.

June 6 was my 43rd birthday , and me and Veronica had been waiting all week for our date… I began our date, getting dressed ready to paint the town ūüėČ , in all black like a vixen ūüėČ and nothing was gonna slow me down…

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LOL, come one Gus would never let me go out like this with my “friend.”  Seriously… that was a pic taken today, here is our date night; I had to borrow a phone for the pic; so I didn’t get to take anymore.

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No matter what we do, where we sit, what we eat, drink, we leave needing more of what we just had ūüėČ 

The truth is, we spend so much time worrying, and fixing life’s mishaps, we really need to make the time to try hard to encourage one another and help in any we can.  Life really does kick us in the butt all on it’s own.

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NO mountain is too high when you have awesome company climbing with you…

There is something really special about the bond of sisterhood and embracing and maybe even sometimes hating all the aspects of being a woman.  It is amazing to be lifted by another woman who you respect

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and then its so much more amazing when you realize they respect you too; and you take turns lifting each other up and up  and up.

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Women find ways to build each others strength especially during those times we feel weak or less of a woman.

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Friends know we make mistakes in this life, because they do to and the other people in their life to do and they still love you; they are NOT fooled by images or lies other people create about you;

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and when you start to lose your own faith in yourself, when you feel ugly, they remind you of your beauty~

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they remind you, who you are!

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They don’t find fault in you, they help you overcome those faults you face! You are always innocent in a friends eyes, because they know your goodness, the goodness that resides in you.

Friends don’t get jealous of what you accomplish, friends don’t silent your message~

Friends encourage you, and you as well, remind them to show their beauty, encourage them even when they don’t see it themselves… because friends are the most beautiful gifts in this life.  

When you feel broken, they help mend you, they try hard because they care about your feelings because you are part of their heart.

My friend Veronica is a beautiful soul, we both find ourselves continuously being tested by life and a lot of the times it is so hard and it seems unfair but we both keep helping everyone in our life who needs it, even when we ourselves are in need.  I love you Veronica and I hope you continue to give, give, give from your heart.

A few months back when I lost my home, my didn’t even have a cell phone, and Veronica wanted to put me on her family cell phone plan because communication for jobs, between family is very important but I told her NO, I couldn’t take that.

I am one who doesn’t like to take from people, but OH how I love to give… LOL I want you to know how much it meant it to me knowing I have friends who have my back even when they are struggling.  I would never take advantage of anyone; ESPECIALLY a friend.

When we look around we see so many blessed with abundance, and we watch people crave for more and more; talk about DIVERSIONS!  If you have enough food, and a safe place to rest, you have enough; and if you are spiritually full you are RICH!

I watch people like Veronica who’s father just got out of the hospital and then almost burns himself along with his apartment; and I can feel her heavy heart.  Let me tell you what Veronica, don’t let any difficult hardship change you from the loving giving woman you are.  Jesus understands your struggle, remember he lived in poverty; and we my friend have enough more of the time.

I will continue on my life journey, along with my BFF’s working for CHANGE~always positive! I know our responsibilities can be overwhelming, but trust in God that he has given you all you have because you are not only able to sustain yourself, but all those who you care for.

Today I told Gus, the other day I was told during adoration if you ask God for help, if you ask him to send assistance then take it; shortly after my friend offered me another opportunity to help me with her Iphone I took this assistance and am grateful; I will continue on what you have given me my friend; I will give, give, give often, and then give some more.

 

Thanks for the help my friend even if Tmobile is fighting with the unlock, ūüėČ Thanks for being a part of my life during a difficult time.  Thanks for keeping the Trust in the Lord in your heart, it helps me to remember when the devil tries to make me forget.

Thank you for having so much compassion for all God’s creatures, and being a perfect role model in so many ways… you always have my respect because you are an inspiration; no matter what happens girly, we pick up our cross and walk with it.  I love you; let’s continue this journey laughing; when we are with each other; God said, WE SHALL Laugh! <3

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Rick & Jeannine Tune 25th Wedding Anniversary!!!

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Rick & Jeannine Tune

Attention everyone!¬†(Spoon to wine glass)… clink, clink, clink…

I would like for everyone to welcome the wonderful Rick and Jeannine Tune celebrating 25 years of marriage today!

The “Bride” and “Groom” song begins~


Traditionally, in formal wedding ceremonies the toast is given immediately following the meal… The opening words are so important because they set the tone for the rest of the wedding ceremony. ¬†During the celebration; 2 very close family members of the bride and groom shared their sentiments~

In honor of the most-awesome Bride and Groom~ these two~loved~ones started the night with a heartwarming~Toast;) 

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Below is a copy of the sentiment that was written and shared during this beautiful 25th Anniversary celebration~by Marisa Rodriguez 

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My beautiful 1st child~Marisa
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Marisa gives the first toast to the bride & groom

Love is a four letter word. Love, holds great meaning~ to some more than others, and I would definitely say that’s the case with this lovely couple who I, and many others call Auntie and Uncle Rick.

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Lots of us wonder, if soul-mates exist. When you see Uncle Rick and Auntie¬†together, you can feel the depths of their heart, a heart so passionate that together their dreams still continue to become a reality 25 years later.Their love is an extraordinary love, the time and commitment they¬†put forth ,that’s when you know true love exists.
I may not be a “Garza” woman, but I come from the family line. So don‚Äôt take offense when I admit that many would say that we can portrayed as bossy women. Think about it yourself. We want things done our way because we know it’s the better way to do it. We can be stubborn when it comes to compromising, and as it may seem we want to take control. It takes a special kind of somebody with patience, love, AND understanding, to want to play with that kind of fire, and it takes an even stronger person to let go of that control. To give all the selfless love it takes, it takes someone who is far from weak, it takes someone with intelligence, to work hard for someone & somethinglove” so worth it. And that is when trust and respect for one another is created.

Thank you Uncle Rick for loving my Auntie in a way better than any of us would’ve every imagined.

I know I don‚Äôt know everything you all have¬†been through, or struggled with. But, there was a hard-time that they went through that I do remember, when Uncle Rick had a near death experience that took a lot of repairing, mending and even more love/faith. My mom remembers that as one of the hardest times that Auntie faced, when she had to become the strong force for HER rock. It’s funny how weak you seem during those times, but in actuality your strength is being shown in the best way. The strongest love is love that can be demonstrated when you are the most fragile.

The truth is it takes a strong heart to love, but it takes even the strongest heart to love after the struggles.

Some may look at the two and think, what do they have in common?

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Uncle Rick he’s brass and bold, and then there’s Auntie she’s prim and proper. He loves fishing, hockey, the Cardinals, and he’s from St. Louis!

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Auntie she likes to read, politics, forensics, her “shows” all the way to Oprah to Jerry Springer, and she’s from San Antonio!

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The truth is, these interests may come and go, there is one that has never changed for them both, the interest they hold in Each other. Don’t let them fool you!

They are similar in the way that they love people.

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Both of them would stop everything they’re doing to help a family member or friend. They both work hard in their own ways to make sure their loved ones know they are remembered and thought of. I don’t ever remember not receiving something special on my birthday, or a graduation, or any of my special days. They have personally showed me the significance of being thoughtful.

The way they care for people and always keep an open mind~

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Auntie and Uncle Rick don’t have any children, but they have nieces, nephews, and god children.

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And~ I know we can all say we have thought of them as the cool parents at least one time in our lives. We‚Äôve told them things we haven‚Äôt been able to tell our own parents, we’ve had crazy summers of swimming, and eating junk food.

Or having tea parties

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in bed while singing Britney Spears

OR staying at the Emily Morgan hotel

Press this if you want to know more about the history of the Emily Morgan Hotel

all while doing gymnastics at 3 am while the ghosts haunting us~~ adds to the excitement.

And I know Uncle Rick has his own stories with the boys. And if you want me to write&toast about those times Uncle Rick, take me to more Cardinal games. ūüėČ

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Uncle Rick and Auntie, they are the kind of couple that will want to know your favorite color, and will remember. They are the couple that is easy to laugh with, because they just get it. and at the end of the day they’re the ones you just want to chill with.

So in all the ways you may think they are different, there are more ways they are alike.
And this glimpse that you see on this very day isn‚Äôt just for the occasion. Because for 25 years we have witnessed that look they continue to give each other, they choose to fall for one other everyday. The days that they drive each other nuts, and the days they always have the others back. Marriages fail so often nowadays , it’s easier to fail than to succeed. But when you have two people with a familiar heart, a heart unlike any other, you‚Äôre going to see something rare, something different, something unique, we‚Äôve all seen it, their love!

 He is hers, and she is his.

I know this is the longest toast you’ve ever heard, but this is the way we do it. Please raise your glass as we share a toast in celebrating 25 wonderful years of marriage for Rick & Jeannine Tune, and many many more years.

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Time for cake

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and spending time with loved ones…

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and Auntie& Uncle Rick never allow their guest to leave empty handed… a few goodies from the goody bags <3

 

 

The end……………………………

                                                                Well, you will hear the rest at the 50th!

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Thank you Uncle Rick ! For all the love you have shared with me, my kids, and especially my auntie!

 

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Thank you Auntie for giving so much meaning to the name “Auntie”, and for taking care of Uncle Scoots ūüėČ

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This has been a Mother- Daughter Collaboration!   fb_img_1471640779485.jpg

Michele Renee & Marisa Ann

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Connections, Monsters, and road to be set free~

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Official Video for this Blog : ūüôā


<p><a href=”https://vimeo.com/104525905″>Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, Bon Iver – Monster from AgentParkman on Vimeo.</p>

Gustavo is my other half; when I say that, it takes on many different meanings, depending on the day and actually the current mood of the day for whatever individual personality I allow out of it’s cage in that particular day.

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Gus is my companion in this beautiful thing we call life; sometimes he is the storm and sometimes he is the calm; but most of the time one of us is the opposite of the other; our personalities compliment each other and bring about a perfect sync to the extreme high and low of the wonderful us that is created together.

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The days we both are in same mode; watch out, get out-of-the-way; and enjoy the most intense ride of your life.  He really is a perfect representation of the male version of me; or as you can also say a great representation of some bad ass guy who knows how to bring out the woman in me; the woman I strive to be.

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We are so similar in ways that it is easy for us to understand and of course appreciate those similarities because we understand them. ¬†We do; have our differences, ¬†differences we hold on to just as tight ¬†because as individuals we consider them near and dear to us for our own specific meaning, we are just as passionate to those differences as we stay to our similarities…

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The way Gus put’s it, a “daily must do” for healthy daily balance, eat more YOGURT, FRUIT, and remember to keep using the Rotar Rudder and continue to flush out all the shit from our daily lives.

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So Gus is brutally honest in his own witty ways that always keep me laughing and light-hearted. ¬†I am a little more brutally honest in an eloquently worded way; but in reality look at these eyes and tell me crazy ain’t written all over this face.

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No matter how much we understand each other, support each other, we still found a way recently to get lost in our individual ways leaving the other behind for longer than we both find comfort in.   It is so easy to disconnect from someone with all the day-to-day dealings of life.

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We can’t deny the fact we come face to face with NUMEROUS daily distractions, ¬†some are easily identifiable while others are not so apparent.

Sometimes the distractions are purposely done; by people who¬†are brought into our ever-changing lives with a purpose by God and even by the devil. ¬†At times we allow ourselves to enter the devils den when we choose sin; we are unknowingly brought in to the evil environments lured by temptations and addictions; all the evil in the world surrounds us and we need to remember to stay strong. Temptations are the choices we make that bring a side of our own soul to a state of weakness, exactly where we DO NOT need to be. ¬†A place I don’t know about and refuse to get to know, but I will tell you I have allowed my soul to get lured in by others and the closer I got, the more I understood I needed to run in the other direction. ¬†It is disguised in the most wonderful pleasures that you will be taunted with and promised, it will fool you and your feelings ¬†in a way of that of a hypnotized belief. ¬†It will be alive in the darkness you will feel it; you will have moments of feelings of Power, Control, and other desires useful for manipulation, but you will be reminded of the truth when you get those brief moments of the true reality of where you are headed; you feel trapped in a dark underworld, you are alone the others that are there are alone and miserable to. ¬†This is a place you do not want to go, you realize you are afraid because you don’t know how to get out, what stemmed from an¬†¬†an innocent curiosity has brought you low, to this dark, lost place where you can’t find your way out of. ¬†You wonder to yourself, when that point became apparent you were not having fun anymore, everything from the start was a lie, you wonder what happen to all your knowledge, and you remember back to all those times; like a film slowing playing back choppy and some barely recognizable clips flashing back to each time back you never noticed you were skillfully diverted, by keeping your focus on the self gratification. ¬†You realize you are vulnerable, we all are vulnerable; your own personal¬†fears are your lies; they don’t exist; they aren’t the truth but they were created by your mind, and now have been birthed into your reality. ¬† Stop! Ask for forgiveness; it really is that easy. If you are genuine and you seek God, you will find him… and you will WIN! ¬†BELIEVE

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Stay away from negative people who bring you down to a lower place.   Choose the light! Choose God.

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Gus has no problem with guilt if he wants to cut someone out of his life for that specific chapter he shreds with no remorse, he always makes decisions based on the good of all involved. ¬†He loves peace and will work hard, as hard as he has to, to keep the peace. ¬†I struggled with cutting people out of my life and found guilt of remembrance of all the different times in my life i felt abandonment; so I held on to everyone who entered my life. ¬†Gus has taught me with making some initial steps of finding peace; we know we can’t help another soul if we can’t even be at peace within. ¬†It is hard when you chose to let someone go that you truly love and care about, but it is a must for your own personal welfare. ¬†Some souls have a presence on another soul that brings out all the negative feelings within, you lose all sense of the feeling of peace, you feel like someone else and feel afraid. ¬†Sometimes if you have to make that decision to cut someone off you lose other people you don’t want to; but the hate that becomes alive with the connection of the souls brings¬†¬†negative behaviors within yourself; you are angry and don’t even like the person you are; so you know the answer is to become the sacrifice; you sacrifice your love and disconnect from evil so that other innocent souls will be spared that, and so that others will be able to peacefully find their own way.

We always try to encourage each other to look at the bright side and try to understand what is the best option that can be made at the time to make the best decision for all involved.  What would Jesus do? WWJD

Getting rid of negativity ¬†is the only option to effectively live a happier life. ¬†Some people are bad for us, they tend to turn on our ugly switch; we don’t quite understand why but it is very volatile; and they make us say and do things that we wouldn’t in normal circumstances. ¬†We are warned a lot of times and in different ways by others about someone’s character; sometimes like magic… our angels will show us; we may not accept it when the proof is right in front of our face, sometimes we don’t want to face the truth or we use techniques to focus on other issues; and its obvious a lot of times in retrospect that the truth is always there in our face under our very nose ~Pray for the truth; it will be revealed. ¬†We may use defense mechanisms to protect us and keep us where we are safe, in denial; ¬†especially if that person’s presence benefits us in some way whether it is healthy or not we are getting something we feel ¬†like we need, even if its a lie. We find all kinds of excuses we can think of and “one-sided” coincidences are viewed as the true indication that our chapter with that person is not over and we continue to allow the interaction; it seems natural because it is effortless. ¬†People that are not good for us will bring us down; they will cling to a good intentioned person using all the effort they can sustain. ¬†So with one person using little to no effort the fight is not an equal match. ¬†The good intentioned person needs to use a great amount of effort to stay away from evil.¬†Evil will NOT¬†let go of the attempts to keep a person on the dark side; it will pick its victim, usually a child, older person, weak vulnerable person someone grieving going through a hard time; it will keep going with a strong persistent hold until it accomplishes all it can to destroy love, unity, and everything which eliminates fear. ¬†Evil does not want people to be brought together; there is strength in numbers; evil doesn’t want love, content, and joy in our lives.

People are hateful when they don’t feel happy inside; and even more so when they are actually hurting and miserable, they may have never known happiness or never accepted it since it is foreign to them they feel it; ignore it or turn it away. Bitter people try to bring others down, they get familiar with their target by relating to them by acknowledging and sharing similar negative feelings. ¬†They want to get as many tools as they can (their follower is their tool) to use these weaker parts as instruments to continue their plan of action. Hateful people have lives filled and fueled by hate with strong delusional¬†¬†convictions that are created with their only intentions stemming from a desire ¬†to destroy another’s image and life. ¬†Trying to destroy another gives them a feeling of power and control over a situation that causes them great anger; so a new life is given to fake characters that live in the life inside of the person’s mind that remind them of all the different parts of themselves they detest. ¬†By giving life to another idea; even if it isn’t real; they feel is a trade-off for the one living in their head. ¬†They want to divert and use deceptive talk to create the illusion of the reality they want the (desired-follower) to believe their reality. ¬†They will create false scenarios to other potential followers willing to listen and share similar stories so that in their mind the truth is living in full force especially because now that people are talking about the story that was created it becomes the new truth and it sounds believable and accurate to others. Many people will believe anything about a person based on facts from someone else account; and sometimes it is even information from a reliable good-hearted source they can believe they can trust but a person may not know the information was just redirected to them by another person with ill intentions. It is very easy for good-hearted people to become victims because they don’t always recognize the bad in another because they don’t identify with, the “bad kid,” because they may not even recognize “bad” in people or that more shady behavior, they wouldn’t be a good judge to identify the bad in another if their moral compass is collaborated differently.

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The first clue, ask them if they have even met the person they dislike, I encourage you to always ask questions before you make a decision to make up your own mind about another person based on someone else’s reality. ¬†Find out if they are even able to answer questions about the truth of who that person is instead of a decision based from diverted lies and made up stories they created as a current tool of manipulation. ¬†There are some people who just get an instinctive feeling about other people; that is a different scenario; sometimes they will be able to feel the bad vibes another brings and they won’t want to include that person in their life but they won’t concentrate on hating that person they would just have a more feeling of indifference or maybe even uncomfortable anxiety when around that person.

It will always be easy to identify groups of haters; they don’t really care to know someone who can’t bring a benefit to them and they are mean-spirited and have negative intentions with their only purpose to hurt someone and make their life hell while they sit back and laugh. (insert evil laugh here)

Being mean-spirited¬†is for the weaker souls and is really quite simple and even natural to some souls, aka… the haters! ¬†This is how simple it happens: ¬†They see the person; and like clockwork they begin to tear that person apart with ¬†insults and other bully behaviors they know have worked in their past to bring down their last victim. ¬†Bullies begin their collaborated effort with all their followers to let that person know they are not liked, accepted, and will be excluded. ¬†Bullies know who their victims are; they pick people they think or feel will not retaliate, nice people, people they feel are easy targets because in reality the bully is a WEAK person; and needs to constantly work to feel anything other than that…weak. ¬† Bullies have a small team of followers that are other weak individuals who would never stand up to the bully so in order to feel safe from the bully ¬†to stand up they instead identify with the bully.

The majority of people don’t support bullies and feel much more comfort in environments that minimize such behavior but still will not intervene due to fear; they will become an additional target. ¬†Honestly, though I don’t blame them; how many people have died just because they got involved, one too many. We need to all take responsibility and take a stand and make it our business to not allow any other human being to be abused.¬† Learn to practice not caring about anything else but what is right, even if you stand alone. ¬†‚ÄúOne thing about following people ‚ÄĒ you will always be one step behind.‚ÄĚ

OMG there she is ANOTHER PICTURE ! Look at her face, she is so ugly. ¬†She is a bitch, a whore, she thinks she is all that…

“Don’t hate what you can’t imitate”

“My name must taste good; it’s always in someone’s mouth.” ¬†¬†“Keep talkin : you’re makin me famous!”¬†“The only reason you hate me cause you know I’m gonna be your boss, BITCH!”

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Eleanor Roosevelt ~You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

“Words dont have the power to hurt you‚Ķ.unless the person who said it’s opinion has meaning to you.” Don’t give anyone power over you to bring you down does what they say matter.”

“You’re JEALOUS…Because we act stupid in public & People still “LOVE” Us.”

“Jealousy is a disease – GET WELL SOON!”

‚ÄúAm I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?‚ÄĚ ‚ÄĒ Abraham Lincoln

‚ÄúDon‚Äôt waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you‚Äôre ahead and sometimes you‚Äôre behind. The race is long and, in the end, it‚Äôs only with yourself.‚ÄĚ ‚ÄĒ Baz Luhrmann‚ÄĒ

“Sometimes I pretend to be Normal, but it gets boring… so I go back to being me!”

“If anyone is Dumb enough to walk away, or to see your worth; Be smart enough to let that person¬†go.”

“Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says I’M POSSIBLE”¬†

“Don’t hate me because I am beautiful”¬†

“If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking too much space.”

I love to feel strong and confident so I put that crown on every morning and in reality sometime it is really hard to remember. ¬†People out there are more likely to pull another down, laugh at when another falls, or even just ignore the world around them. ¬†Be the kind of person you want to be, and treat people the way you would want to be treated. ¬†Some days I forget to remind myself; but I make it a point to remind others of their worth and why it’s important to keep our heads up. I am my own worst critique; and I need to remind myself I am worthy too and don’t have to explain myself to another soul,¬†do not have to prove myself or validate myself with any others ¬†with their opinion of me. ¬†I try to always remember; sometimes it’s after I have allowed my ego to prevail; but I need to remind myself ¬†I am an example to others and hold the power to make a lasting impression to youngsters ¬†to believe in themselves even when the world shouts out not to. ¬†Be PROUD of who you¬†are; the person God made; and the person you are becoming. ¬†Stand Strong ¬†and believe and know~ really, really know that YOU can and will make a difference. ¬†Being an example to others to accept others differences, and focus on adding a positive twist to another¬†life. Anyone who has taken the time to get to know me in person, will tell you; I am funny, love to laugh more than anything, and I am a huge dork who finds fun in anything and everything in front of my face. I am huge advocate of female supporting other females; I wouldn’t so much call myself a feminist; but I am trying on the daily to encourage other women and keep my focus on expressing myself in positive ways more of the time. ¬†People will tell you I will find a positive “excuse” for everything; but that just becomes a habit after forcing yourself to always find the bright side of life and bad situations.

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Gus is seen as crude, rude, obnoxious, and over the top. ¬†Gus is strong in his convictions he is a genius in this thinking skills; remembers things that are impossible even if you tried for months; and forgets things that he uses on the daily. We both love to help other people; and have been hurt way too many times by people who did us wrong for the plain truth ~MOTIVES from the start. Gus is loving and if he cares for you he would never disrespect you; although he says offensive quite often because sometimes due to his forgetful ways; forgets to turn on his daily filter; and some days just doesn’t give a shit to when he is fed up… He actually remembers his filter more than I remember mine ¬†ūüėČ

People have seen him out and about and he always comes home laughing and embarrassed from the awkward occasion¬†¬†of someone recognizing him and saying , “HEY YOU’RE¬†GUS FROM FACEBOOK, I follow Michele’s blog, Facebook, YouTube…” I know he loves the attention because it gives him an opportunity to talk to new people and as antisocial as Gus seems he really is the opposite and likes to spend time shooting the shit as he calls it. He has his guard up a lot of the time and will take the first que to eliminate anyone who he thinks will create a problem or cause a problem to his goal. ¬†Sometimes, I have been the reminder to Gus to be more accepting of others and their shortcomings; not so selective due to fears and not necessarily true situations. ¬†I am more friendly, I go out of my way to make any one ¬†and everyone feel comfortable; I tend to bring more people around while Gus is protectively shielding us; I jump to stop his uninviting gestures and tell my cowboy to lower his weapons, smile, and hug a friend next to a tree. We both tend to be socially reserved, while we try to be there for our friends; we don’t have to make every single party or bar hop weekend we put our family first. ¬†We love to party, spend our weekends forgetting about life; and having fun with life and everyday situations and turning them into a roller coaster of hilarious crazy clips from all the different ways we express ourselves.¬†Together we are a ¬†~¬†complete trip as people have put it; you kind of just watch and laugh; it is hilarious… but we are both kind-hearted and really have no ill intentions more of the time.

The problem is no matter how nice and respectful you try to be to people that doesn’t mean you will get that back in return. ¬†Some people suck, you know you don’t trust them, they feel fake and shady; they seem to act nice in your face so you feel like you like them; but then you get a mixed feeling; and then the moment you turn the corner, you hear they talk shit behind your back. ¬†You can feel the hate right away; the negative force of those people leaves a feeling of hateful mean-ness in the air.

The current situation personally my family has dealt with are we are attacks coming from people reintroduced from the past; some of the same EXACT people¬†who were our friends¬†in high school. ¬†Gus and I knew each other and were friends at that time in our lives; we both shared a lot of the same mutual friends at both schools, ¬†Lee and Edison…

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Creations are made to cause people to be at odds, when you have a strong powerful team of love and support with the power to change the world in a positive way; evil focuses in to rip that team apart. You will find yourself constantly in a different light; you don’t feel a connection but diverted to feel a disconnection, arguments begin… and there it is… the perfect opportunity for temptations to be thrown, evil knows the best time others to strike. ¬†The moment you give in to temptation; the 2nd time becomes easier, and the next thing you know you have new involvments in your life with easy access to you and your family. ¬†The perfect bed has been made, so you lay down with the devil and soon you will find yourself under complete¬†manipulation; and good-hearted people begin this journey with just wanting to help. ¬†You wonder when all the separation from the love, peace, and joy began but you can’t quite pick the moment, you just know it was strongest when your team was ripped apart. ¬†Manipulations to create illusions is a strong mission they will stand in; they want to keep you from the truth; they want o keep you from any validation that reminds you of God and faith. ¬†They will rip away the good people from your life and distance them, they will be very crafty ask the right questions for future motives, they know exactly what will work and won’t work to manipulate the situation by getting to know the people involved, getting rid of anyone who will get in the way; and keep people apart that are stronger together. ¬†They will use YOUR own fears to control the situation, and you like a puppet on a string; they will turn people against each other; for power comes in numbers.

Arguements sometimes  start off pretty innocent~

We may feel we are¬†Not being “heard”, yes, you say that you are listening; but how can I really believe that to be true when I don’t feel I am being heard, or understood. I mean it is obvious we are no longer using effective communication, because the breakdown is always obvious for us; let that to be the first sign. ¬†STOP! RECOGNIZE; Gus and I both tend to use humor when we are trying to make a point; we want the other to put down their ego and try to understand what the other is saying, “BOIIIIIII you better ReKanize!” “Check yo self before you wreck yo self … yo! ” The humor sometimes works takes us back to that place when we remember that we are on the same team working for the same mission. Sometimes it is a lot harder though; when the issue is a little deeper situated.

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Relationships take WORK, that is just the bottom line truth; our egos come in sometimes and we really need to put a halt to our own ego at times to be able to effectively concentrate on what someone you love is missing or needs. ¬†It is easy to get into that,,, “oh no he didn’t,” head bobble back side to side mode and stop focusing on true understanding to be able to offer the other the support they need. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship we are talking about here, every relationship we have both involved are going to need support and understanding from the other; that is what it is all about. We all need support in different ways; no matter what it is though; all in all people need each other. It is ok to need, somewhere someone made up the lie that being needy is weak. ¬†WE all have needs and we all get them in different ways and our life companion, partner, spouse…. whatever term you use; it most likely the one we need from the most; and who will need from us the most.

Your perceptive on life often stems from the cage you were held captive in~

For me, sometimes the disconnection is made when I am talking, sharing my feelings, opening up to vulnerabilites, facing the issue or working on figuring out where the issue stems from, I struggle, so many feelings so intense; it feels overwhelming, confusion sets in and struggles begin to bring life to those with fears; you struggle through it as much as you can; feelings change; it confuses you; you feel sad, angry, hurt, and betrayal. ¬†DON’T BELIEVE IT, DON’T Give up, DON’T Stop; sometimes this is when shut down or lose it happens… Remember there is NOT ¬†one person in this world who can take away or change any of your fears but you the beliefs that exist in your head, you own them. ¬†It is important during this process our network of people who will play a factor. ¬†It is important to those relationships that we care about~ to always assist, support, and facilitate their struggles iif you can’t you are not part of their team; EVACUATE! Teams need to remind each other often, we are in this together. ¬†We need to be a reminder that we are there to try and understand, and we need to make it known often that our own motives are for the better of all involved; will have a great impact on change; and reiteration to Pray and trust instincts.

Gus and I find it easy to allow fabulous ideas for creative creations to take off in our head, we recognize the individuality within ourselves and each other and motivate each other to achieve, we trust each other; and when we come together time and time again it has been proven that we really are a powerful couple brought together to bring each other peace, happiness, excitement, and laughter. It is funny however that no matter how much we feel accepted, loved, and understood by our other half; we still have those times that we feel the complete opposite to be true due to life stressors and our own past demons of fear that live silently in our subconscious thoughts waiting to sabotage and defend a lie. The truth is as a couple we really are great for each other; I know I appreciate the time you give me when you know I need it; to disconnect with the world around me; and reconnect with just Michele and God; and figure out a new improved plan with the current events ūüôā re-evaluating and reenforcing. Then I come to you, and I see you- I really see you shining in all your goodness; I am reminded of who you are and everything you stand for and I trust you, I know you care, and I want to love you and show you I care, and you feel it and you know its real. ¬†You see my strength but also recognize and appreciate all my mysterious innocence the innocence you see alive in me, the innocence I remind you to feel yourself, the innocence you remind me to feel and even if we are left puzzily amazed… Even when we don’t quite understand life, and we are confused, and divereted we know one thing is true when we look at each other we know the person we have found, the person who is making the choice to be there and give it all up; when we look into our eyes we will see the truth as clear as day, this person is real, legit, the real deal; we find pride in each other, we appreciate and want a sample of their knowledge, we are in love with their strength and¬†individuality. ¬†WE are completely and strongly connected with that innocence that they allow to stay alive; to be able to love one another unconditionally like that of a child. ¬†I see your innocence as well; I see it when you aren’t too focused on being your bad ass self; the hero with action plans to resolve our struggles; here he comes Gussy Gus the one that is here with interest in understanding me because you want to love me better. ¬† I see your interest as well; and I have a strong urge to love you more and better; so like you told me; we are learing about love together and it is quite wonderful.

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When 2 become one great forces are created; and that is what othes would love to destroy. Something that not only they don’t understand; but something they hate.

I am always searching for growth and improvements in just my personal life”Michele make up”, I analyze everything, and make a point to express myself on every issue of my importance. Gus and I are similar in those ways; we both are extremely passionate people and feel very strongly about all those things important to us~ people see the energy; the animation, and the craziness but it’s all meant for good….People don’t understand it and if it is foreign to them; they fear it or turn away. ¬†Just remember the truth always leads to PEACE. ¬†It is always easier to go back to that moment when we hit the immediate withdrawal mode button with our finger; fears arrive, SHUT DOWN. ¬†ūüôĀ It is ok to be emotional, it is ok to cry; let it out; when you want to shut down just stay a little longer than last time, you may think what you are feeling is wrong; your feelings are not wrong; they are correct they are yours. ¬†You can change your mind!

 Feelings are created from fears both past and present.

While the road of resistance is hard to travel through; it does make it easy when our other half is there for support. ¬†One tip… DO NOT TRY and figure it out like you are some problem solver to come and save the day with an instant…. Don’t think about your response; just be in the moment. ¬†What are you hearing, what is that person feeling; listen and when you respond¬†¬†let your partner know you undertand what they said by reiterating (repeat it to them), acknowledge their feelings that are NOT WRONG, but can be changed. A strong team that is connected will make stronger connections. ¬†You may be able to even pinpoint a¬†specific place in time with that wrong or negative impression was fostered.

Loss  of communication and the truth are just a few obstacles thrown in my path the last year.  I am errupting like a volcano with too many creative ideas, I feel I need to expel; I have an abundance of feelings that NEED to be shared to the message is clear.  Like never before, I have a feeling of suffocation; as if I am being choked of my expressions, I stop sharing them.

WE need to stop focusing on the simple logic of SOLUTIONS and AnSWERS to solve the issue; when it isn’t about ONE ANSWER but actually quite many.

There isn’t ONE thing we do that causes us to lose a connection with someone unless of course the connection it is extremely weak and easily no longer on the routed path. We connect with people for many different reasons more of the time it is due to mutual similarities, and other times it is due to curiosity of understanding differences. We decide the connections we want to keep with many differences in thinking and emotions; and each of us is different and have our own specific reasoning.

Ending this blog today with a wise word of advice~

Keep those around you who bring happiness, acceptance, and love! The people who love you when you don’t even have to try.

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Alright Gustavo we got this,¬†Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow…

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While I am Bloggin
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Gustavo be out there smoggin ūüėČ

Would like to give a big Thank to all the flies and maggots for coming out of my head….

A soul trying to keep Gus’s soul in the dark brings a box over full of dark writings, poetry from the past~

Gustavo: “I am¬†not the box, that is not who I am¬†anymore.” ¬† TAKES a SHIT , exhales with relief “I guess I will keep the book for now to save some drawn pictures ūüėČ

While Michele uses her graceful powerful strut to take the trash out to the dumpster; Gustavo looks down from the balcony and yells; I have never seen somone take out the trash so gracefully in my life ūüôā

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Gus and the real truth

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Gus, everything about you is interesting; and I appreciate all you have done for me the past few weeks.  I know it has been difficult for the both of us.  We have been real and ripped each other apart and we still want to believe the truth that lives in our heads and wrestle with anything else.  Hearing what we thought happened or believing that the current situation was or could be different than the beliefs we hold is one of the hardest things to do. We are a unique couple of people we share so many similar interests, fears, but more than that; we continue to try; not give up on each other because we see the greatness that lives in each other.  At one point somewhere someone may have twisted things in our head and we believed them.  The thing is we remind each other that the lies are nothing but that but more than that we trust each other enough to believe it. WE also have discovered together that no matter what we say, how we feel, how we disagree… we still continue to talk because we know that our will to know each other really know each other because the level of intimacy we have discovered is worth every fear that kept us believing lies.

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I love how you talk to me in all your different personalities; all those people inside of us who exist but I am in love with all of them; the one who is obnoxious, the one who begs to be taught~ wants to learn wants me to teach him everything he wants to hear for the first time from a woman who knows what she wants and will show him what she wants from him, the one who becomes this strong confident man who I have elevated him with his own unnoticed truths.  Telling him all those hot things he does, how he holds me firmly and shows a strong thirst 100% thirst for me even though he just had me 3 times earlier that day.  You make me feel amazing I make you feel amazing and together we create a fantasy of reality on our own. We enjoy all the variety that life craves; but only in each other; so we discover what it is that we are searching for ; and we become the dream and its always amazing.  It is exciting and invigorating I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.

Our love is so strong from all that we understand in each other; but even more from all that we don’t understand but want and work hard to….

People can talk shit; I would do anything for you, I would die for you; but come on would they live for you?  Face the demons of life just for the sake of releasing it another soul.  You are 100 brave; you love with all you have, you put down your pride and allow me to be the woman I need to be; the woman that makes me feel amazing, special and completely different from the others; because I am in a totally different category.  You will give me all you have, even your weakness… sounds of a barking dog; or a donkey it doesn’t matter…. All that matters is loving me so I pull you over to me because your reinforcements are just those things I need because you take the time to study me. WE never allow others to mind fuck us; and if we do for a while we remind each other the truth… WE are in control and together we are the bomb ass diggity dawgs around…. AAWWOOOOO

Nothing is hard for us, together we find comfort because we have allowed ourselves to be weakest with each other together… Our love is one hell of a crafty mind fuck but its ok because we are having the time of our lives.

making us never give up on our blocks… When stuff comes out from the past; the past long before we were connected.  I know that no matter how hard life gets I know that there is someone by my side who isn’t afraid when it comes down to it.

Hearing how you have hurt another person especially someone who you love, is hard for us… and you still need to know when and how you do it even knowing that you love that person so much. Sometimes it is hard to see another’s view because it is not our reality. We try and understand anothers reality and then we together decide to create our new reality together.

It is a beautiful feeling when you recognize that you are willing to face hard truths you could never admit before; let go of the denial and face it, understand, share, and love.

Written by Michele Renee Trevino-Rodriguez  future-(Montiel)

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My spiritual journey began in Adoration

A little about me… I am a MOM of 3 kids…


My oldest daughter Marisa , is 18 and the motivating factor I found my home again at St. Matthew’s Catholic Church and connected with A.C.T.S.

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My middle child and favorite son, Jay is 10, he is a passionate gamer and full of intelligence.

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Last but not least, my baby is 8 years old she is my mini me; full of creative ideas and exploding with expression.

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I left an ALMOST twenty year marriage about five years ago; I married at an emotional end of my 18th year on December 31, 1992.
Today, I am adjusting to a new relationship full of Love, Joy, Understanding, Compassion and feel blessed.

I pray often for the Lord to continue to show me the way with my overabundance of passion that exists in my home.

I have been blessed to be a huge part of the St. Matthew’s Youth Group since I was a youth; lost my way for many years, and finding myself brought back by my daughter with absolutely no direction from me, it is mysteriously wonderful. My daughter had a friend that asked her to attend Girls Night In Retreat during one of the toughest periods in our life as a family, I am convinced God placed her to with the sole motive; bring Marisa to St. Matt’s where she would find her strength in her faith; this friend is not part of the Parish and never went back to the St. Matt’s Youth Group after the initial invite.
I was blessed to be asked to chaperone Girls Night In Retreat in 2013 ~

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I was humbled as I witnessed my daughter give her first TALK/Testimony of faith,

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asked again to chaperone when my daughter was director for the Girl’s Night In retreat the following year in 2014. I was invited with an open mind and an even more importantly open heart by Carl and Michelle Weekley to be part of ALL the youth’s events from the beginning.

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Michelle always included me, one of the smartest women I have been blessed to know; she see’s the talents, and gifts God graces to everyone immediately; and allows them to shine in their own personal way. Michelle was never put off by my crazy and energetic ways, she allowed me to be myself; and accepted me wholeheartedly, no strings attached, unconditionally, and as is.

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I found my family at the Vance Jackson House

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The VJ… where I was able to witness and be proud of my daughter Marisa as I witnessed firsthand her growth in faith.

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I was called by God to my very first A.C.T.S. Retreat as an adult; in July of 2014.

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The retreat “Be Strong and Courageous. Do Not be Afraid; Do NOT be Discouraged, for the Lord Your God will Be with YOU Wherever you go!” ~Joshua 1:9 led by my wonderful beautiful Sister In Christ~Celina Gonzalez it was magnificent; it then allowed me the opportunity to be part of A.C.T.S ~ team; as one of the adults for the July 2015 St. Matt’s Teen A.C.T.S retreat, words can’t express the blessing I experienced as a part of the team that my Marisa would co-direct alongside her best friend Luis Sanchez‚̧.

I was a part of a very emotional, intense, last retreat as she would spend as a YOUTH. The Lord has his ways; during that last retreat, while I wondered if my journey with St. Matthew’s was coming to an end; I was asked to be on Team for the 2015 St. Matt’s Women’s A.C.T.S retreat by my wonderful amazing SIC and forever friend Michelle Medellin.

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Michelle Medellin is an amazing human being; and when I realized the team she put together along with her co-director Nelda Ortiz I was amazed; it was a team of the most amazing; and my most favorite ladies on this earth. The team was full of creativity, intelligence, humor, and love.

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I am blessed with an opportunity to share my journey with each one of you who are reading this in the way God has planned.
Everybody is called by the Lord for their own individual purpose

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  • to strengthen faith
  • to renew their faith
  • some are searching and don’t even realize it is time for their connection with God.

God is always calling each of us by name, we may not accept or respond to his call like he would love <3 but something different happened, because you are here reading this at this very moment.
The “A” in A.C.T.S. stands for ADORATION.

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Adoration is the road to intimacy with God. God is in control of our life, our blessings, doesn’t it make sense to plan for allowing a few moments, at least 20 minutes of your whole day to spend that time putting your life in perspective with the one you love, adore, and admire. God is the Master of all that exists, God is our Creator, and he is our Savior; he deserves the highest honor, the strongest admiration, and all of our respect.

ADORATION

Is about taking the time to give our Lord the True Praise and Worship he deserves. It is taking the time to be in a state of “wonder and amazement” before his presence in the Eucharist. Taking the time to get to know and understand God on a deeper level each day because it is your most important relationship. Communicating with Jesus in prayer as we share our thoughts with him, and give him appreciation!

We can’t adore what we don’t know or understand; the amazing thing is GOD wants us to know him and he wants us to tell him what is in our hearts every day. He has important things to say to us… God wants us to prosper and succeed. In the bible God tells us~

Behold, I sent you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

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It is easy to imagine myself as a fancy harmless dove. I went to Catholic school and was taught to be nice; do onto others as you would have them do unto you! I expected the world was fair as long as I was fair.

It was never stressed to me that I needed to be wise or think like a Serpent.

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Throughout the years I have allowed my world to be surrounded by toxic people; even enabling those to remain toxic by giving them what they told me they needed. I have felt support means making those happy who most need it. I seldom put me first, and protected those I loved. Did I really believe I could protect another, YES, I did; and my nature is still very protective.

The only true Protection is by GOD, and that a truth that is PROMISED by him. The only TRUE protection is the Shield of God! Struggles are NOT against flesh and blood, they are from evil forces and powers of the dark world.

The Armor of God consist of: BELT OF TRUTH, BREASTPLATE OF as RIGHTEOUSNESS, FEET ready to put to action the gospel of PEACE, Shield of Faith, HELMET OF SALVATION, and SWORD of the HOLY SPIRIT (the Word of God.)

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It really is easy to spend my days twirling with the skilled trickery, of the hypnotic dancer ~the DEVIL when I am kept busy as life often keeps me. Growing up I imagined the ruler of the dark underworld to look ugly, the ugliest vision my mind could create during different periods of my life.

Little did I know that the Devil is always cleverly disguised in all those things I want, crave, and deeply desire. The dark evil forces are forever at work looking to devour me at my weakest, times when I was losing faith, and even during my strongest moments when doing God’s work aimed to put faith in those souls who are seeking him.

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I’d say it was elementary school age for me; that I believed to be truly devoted I had to turn my cheek nonstop; learn to be a willing victim, a martyr. Do I really believe that is what my Father God wants for me, what exactly am I devoted to? The Lord has said, doing what is right and just is more acceptable than to sacrifice. I have learned to ask myself is my dedication bringing Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Faithfulness, Goodness, Gentleness, and Self-control to others and me.

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As I opened my mail one afternoon, I noticed an invitation from the United States District Court, well, actually it was a subpoena. I was to appear for a civil case on January 30, 1995 at 9:00 AM in Honorable H. Garcia CourtRoom.

Juan Caballero is his legal name, I will just call him, “LOST ONE”. He was one of those sneaky serpents, I had never met him before that night. He was lying in wait, hiding from his prey, until he selected an easy target, no challenge, just overpower.

I was 18 years old when I was taken from a gas station, forced into my vehicle by a man who would show me all of the things that would become my monsters. I was forced to drive around, he held a constant grip to remain in control on my neck and head and warned me to listen to what I was told or my neck would be snapped. I was confined to a place where I had lost complete control, I immediately sensed his strongest need was for power. He didn’t seem human, he has a wild, animalistic look in his eyes. He was so full of rage, he was so out of control and all he wanted was the opportunity to gain a feeling of control and power. He knew the only way he could achieve that was by degrading and humiliating me and I wondered why, I wondered if he had a mother, grandmother, or sister, what or who made him full of so much hate.

Initially, I fought long and hard, I was losing, first my energy then my senses what would be next. As each moment drained me, I could feel his power and excitement gained strength. I could feel it in his restraint in his arms. Uncertainty never felt so dreadful, what was he trying to do, full of fear of every next move, I wondered if this was “it” would this be my last day, I thought often about my family and then back to the fight to stay alive. Mentally, I was terrorized, his favorite game was telling me how strong his arms were and then he would choke me, tell me how easy it would be to snap my neck; and laugh; each time I held onto to every breath wondering if I would have another. He raped me and continued to beat the life out of me. Many have asked if that has affected me sexually; honestly I don’t feel like I had sex with him at all.

I often felt myself wasting away…

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2 Corinthians 4 God reminds us, that we should never lose heart. Our outer self is wasting away, but our inner self is being renewed day by day. Whatever our affliction is, it will only be momentary and it is preparing us for eternal Glory beyond anything we could compare to what we know.

During the complete attack I often found myself in another place. The place was bright and what was ahead a few walks up; was even brighter and so appealing; I wondered what that way held. I came to this place numerous times, anytime I felt I couldn’t go on another minute, I found myself there again. I could feel my soul leave this plane; the world I knew, this other place was nowhere I had ever been, it wasn‚Äôt familiar; yet it was comforting. I wasn‚Äôt afraid, I felt I belonged there; almost as if that place was created just for me. I felt completely at peace, not lost. I was aware I wasn‚Äôt attached or in my body anymore; but I felt even more connected to myself. Like a waiting room, I felt a peaceful place where I was allowed a much needed rest; but only for a short moments, because I knew that if I stayed there too long; that decision would haven an effect on what I was going back to. The only uncomfortable feeling I had, was feeling a bit hurried. Like a rude awakening, I would go back to my body while I was be violated, only to figure out the newest idea to survive.

So many times during the assault; I wanted to give up; but then I would be back at my safe place; and even though each time the comfort increased and it made it harder to want to go back… I had a stronger feeling to turn back and not go forward; I couldn‚Äôt go because I had to do something very important first. I don’t know what that important thing is; but it felt like a feeling that in order to get to that place, you have to do something else first, like a strong feeling of unfinished business.

3 years after the sexual assault was the most difficult, the third year I found some relief as I was finally able to live a more normal life; able to let go mistrust I had for every male I was forced to face in my everyday living. The fear of being in close proximity of an unknown male caused panic attacks; my heart would race, my body’s uncontrollable trembling was only a reminder of the everlasting fear in my soul. When I found myself in such an intense state of fear, I knew the only way to release it was through God;

In Psalm 62

God promises our soul will find rest and salvation in him, and him alone.

When I spend more time in Adoration; looking for the truth for the purpose of Peace. I began to feel closer to Jesus, our relationship is apparent, and his goal to lead me to my ultimate JOY, the one himself, to our home in Heaven this is one amazing friendship.

The bible is a love story which tells us of God’s promises~

Psalm 10 3 we can remember that no matter what we face, he promises to crown each one of us with love and mercy with crown, a Paradise Crown! We all know how great a new outfit or pair of shoes feels, well this crown is from Heaven; can you imagine the superior feeling we will sense as this crown is placed on our spirit; we can’t even begin to understand. He also promised that we will be wrapped in goodness-eternal beauty. Our youth will be renewed, in his presence we are ALWAYS young.

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This night my soul was filled with so much fear and anxiety; I didn’t realize would become a part of me, as long as I would allow. Genesis 19 tells me the way; it is up to me when I will accept; I need to Let Go of the Fear of Letting Go and give it to GOD!

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When I pray and meditate on the word of God and give my fears to God he takes them from me. I have learned to let go of my fear through Prayer! Seems easy enough; LOL; it’s not; it’s amazing what I would still hold; I soon learned letting go of fear gets easier with practice.

The LOST ONE plead guilty after his arrest; it was bitter-sweet he would get a lighter sentence-30 years maximum, I was consoled with the fact I wouldn’t have a court hearing; I wouldn’t have to face him again; I wouldn’t have to re-live the night again in front of a judge or jury. As I read the subpoena it gave me a number to call; as I waited for my call to be answered I was full of anger; disbelief; what was the purpose, was this fool trying to take what little dignity I had left?

I have always been told, God will never give me more than I can handle. Really, God had so much confidence in me! I can’t even count the number of times I have felt completely defeated,

Remember in 1 Peter 5:10

We are reminded that we all have our season of suffering, but he tells us when our season is complete, God in all his grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish each one of us. We will be stronger than ever before, for he is preparing us to be the Greatest we can be.

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When the time was right, I understood as I watched myself able to overcome obstacles with a new strength giving me the ability to achieve numerous greater plans God had planned for me. God loves me, even when I haven’t loved him back. I spent a great deal of my time angry during my struggles, angry enough to ignore God. There is NO WAY I could ever push him away though, no matter how hard I tried, because God dwells in me. Once I learned to quiet my mind with much practice, I began to meditate. Meditation has always been a favorite place I go to and find truth I have yet to find elsewhere. As a child, I attended grade school at St. Gregory’s…

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Our sister set up a card table with a draping over it, we each had a turn during the month to sit; no visual distractions; just me and God; that is where I first found him. God’s truth comes, not when I want, but at his time, his timing is perfect because that is when it is the most effective.

During my weakest moments during my life I would find myself again and again walking into the house of God each time was completely different. I always held on to my faith God was present, and I would be sure to show my true presence no matter the state I was in. I walked into church, the small chapel in the church we call ADORATION because I was taught as a young child I was in his true presence before the Blessed Sacrament. I had faith that the only physical reality here on this earth of the body and blood of Christ, along with the soul and divinity of Jesus Christ was right there in front of me.

I needed to be front and center in the face of Jesus to let him know what I was feeling and no matter what I believed. The truth was I felt so destroyed, I turned Eighteen in June, my boyfriend committed suicide in front of me on the 4th of July, in August, my dad who I was raised by would marry a woman I didn’t get along with at all; and felt was coming between my dad and me; the only relationship I valued. I found myself looking for belonging, leaving my dads home angry and moving in with a local gang; with other lost souls trying to find their own place as well. December came I was kidnapped and assaulted; a few weeks later I married someone I had only known for a few months. I found myself in ADORATION angry and completely full of doubt. I imagined screaming at the top of my lungs at God; so powerful I‚Äôd make the statues shake, break; and all the lit candles would flicker out by my rage. Then, as I sat; a peace would overcome me; I would find myself asking for help; anger was doing nothing for me; and I just wanted to feel better; I asked for happiness and protection; I didn’t feel I could take ONE more hit. I was so done, I would go and cry, cry, and cry and wonder how he could watch and allow me to completely fall apart maybe I was not worthy.

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I have lost count of all the times I have gone to ask for Gods assistance with my numerous needs and pleas. Here I thought he was ignoring me; when all along each time the devil was ready to strike; writing this journey brought tears to my eyes when I looked back and realized how my Lord held me so tight; comforted me; and gave me the power to go on; and only NOW do I see; HE WAS ALWAYS WITH ME!

Each time I entered the house of God with my destructive; shameful feelings, I can tell you I never left his house with those feelings. Sometimes when I left adoration, the Holy Spirit was so powerful I would find a new-found strength stirred up in my spirit that would give me a drive to go find a soul who was in a low place and assist them by speaking the truth. I learned, the true meaning of understanding is found in truth; it only comes from the enlightenment that experience brings. True appreciation that comes from inside our soul, is a true gift from above, that gift is Peace.

My FAITH shall be bigger than any fear! Thinking about Jesus struggles, his death so that I am REDEEMED, and then his Resurrection is his reminder I can have a new life a new spirit.

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My phone call was answered, I found out that he was trying to make a case against the San Antonio Police Department for brutal force during his arrest after he assaulted me. My mind quickly took me back to the night when all I could remember was his sweat, the disgust that filled my mind that reminded me how unclean another person can make you feel. I thought about his darkness, it gave me a sick feeling knowing such evil forces are at work in this world.

It is those moments in my life, when I have found a new strength, the moments I feel I have been lifted high spiritually the devil always attacks; including each time I worked on this talk to share with each of you.

Ya know what, I felt ready to face him; I was ready I wanted to let him know I could look right at his face; those soul-less eyes and fight for justice and let him know he didn’t haunt me anymore. He did not hold any power over me.

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I would use my voice to empower me; which would then give me a strength to be a voice in court for the abused; and remind parents who were stuck in a state of fear I knew so well they held the power.

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The day I walked into the courtroom I looked directly at him; and he looked so small; so pathetic, he looked like a small pinto- bean that I could smash with a spoon. He smirked at me, he tried to intimidate me; his facial expressions held the same wickedness that made me remember once again what it felt like being under evil‚Äôs control. His eyes snared at me with a proud confidence that he was able to forever poison my heart. My neck began to ache, as I wasn’t sure how to release the stress my neck held.

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The “lost ones” antics would not work I would not allow him to take one more thing from me, this time I was in control!

I testified from the point that the officers yelled he was under arrest, as they read him his Miranda rights he began to fight the officers, punching, hitting, kicking, refusing to be handcuffed, making his legs limp as he refused to walk, he would make them carry him from every point all the way to the patrol car while he spat and yelled out vile words. When the officer told him he was under arrest for sexual assault he began to laugh wickedly and in-between yelling, “It won’t stick, I’ll get out of it, he continued threats to the officers, their wives, and family.

I continued to testify how the officers used as much force as required to place a crazy wild deranged man into the rear cage of the police car.

Making the decision to face your fears is one of the hardest things in life; it is fear itself that freezes us; fear is what closes my heart. Fear will break me if I allow it; but fear can make me If I conquer it. I have learned I see things exactly how I allow myself to see. When I think about fear and how much of my time it has consumed; I’d rather face it and destroy it, fight; I will not allow my being to be sacrificed; and remind myself that as often as I have to.

Yes, there have been times I have personally felt I fought a hard fight and still completely got my butt kicked. The reality eventually settles in; I lost this battle; God is the ONLY way I have found rest, there are plenty ways to distract myself legal and illegal; and I have tried them all. There are some powerful escapes out in the world; but their power is deceiving and will only work for a short period of time there is no power in this world that is greater than the one living in me. The only true advice, is pick myself up from way down there, pray to Jesus-the one who saved ME, ask and allow the Holy Spirit into my soul. The only true LOVE I NEED, is already there; how can I not find my peace and confidence.

St. Matthews Adoration is open 24 hours 7 days a week. The Blessed Sacrament chapel can be found on the left side behind the church, there is a pathway between the Administration Building and the Parish Hall.

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Holy Spirit Catholic Church Perpetual Adorationimage

I am here because I have something great to do on this earth; I refuse to waste any energy on fear.

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I found a new desire to protect others! I had jobs working at Child Protective Services keeping families together, working with the abused and neglected children, I then found myself at San Antonio Housing Authority which would make me an expert on subside housing; I was then led to Haven for Hope with my knowledge to assist the homeless to find their own home. Each place gave me a greater opportunity to give hope to those who lost it.

I spent my days working all over the city specifically the areas of our city where it was ridden with poverty and abuse. I am not meaning to offend; I know there is abuse and violence in wealthy households; even our Police battle domestic violence in their own homes. My story doesn’t consist of those though; I worked through my fears in the projects on the West and East side of San Antonio, fighting my fears with cat-calls and vile language by addicts and men who just had no direction. I fought my fears with REDIRECTION. I would redirect with the truth, I began to stop at any church, chapel in the area I was working in for the day; during my lunch, I would take a few minutes or the complete hour if needed.

I felt a peaceful calm at the altar as soon as I would kneel; showing my admiration to the Almighty; I would begin my prayers for my needs, the needs of my family, friends, each family I was working with that day, and each individual I ran into that needed prayer in their own way. As I would study the body of Christ on the cross, I found myself in deep thought how Jesus must have also been afraid, wondering about all the must have felt his last day and moments on that cross. Feeling such strong feelings of admiration as I looked at Jesus in all his humble ways; so loving and perfect, and carried that cross, his struggle was for me. I would look at the Monstrance which is what we call the vessel used to display our Eucharistic host, I’d watch the flicker of the flames on each candle to me which represented hope, positive energy, and the smell reminds me of my faith in God‚Ķ

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Jeremiah 29 tells us that we are promised when we seek him, we WILL find him.

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It isn’t uncommon to walk out of church with a charge to your soul, super charge of courage. I started to begin to appreciate the different feelings and energy I felt from each unique altar, I could feel the spirit of others who had left their doubts, fears, and sorrows right there under the cross. Some left pictures I would assume a loved one in need, each candle represented it’s very own intention, and beautiful flowers of gratitude left behind. I felt empathy for every soul I thought of; it made me want to help them. It made me want to get myself as strong as possible so I could find the magic forces that would spring positive energy into me; so if I could help another find the faith they needed to find their own truth and peace.

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11 years after the year of the assault he was released from prison. It was 2006 he had been stalking a woman for a few weeks, he broke into her house, and approached her with a knife, a plastic bag, and met his new victim. I was watching TV, the news that night and I froze as I saw his face flash on the screen.

A would-be burglar is recovering from a head injury in custody Friday morning, after he was driven off by a baseball bat-wielding homeowner. Police said the female homeowner woke up to find a man in her house, so fearing for the safety of her toddler daughter, she grabbed a baseball bat that was near the couch she was asleep on. Officers said the suspect approached her from her kitchen, she then cracked him over the head with the bat. The suspect fled the scene, but was soon caught found bloody hiding in a shed. The suspect is being treated for his head injury, and then will go before a judge to face charges.

2 years after that NEWSFLASH I received a phone call from the District Attorney Susan Reed. It was 2008 at this time in my life, I was at the point where I would be graduating from college; UTSA with my degree in Psychology my final project had a REQUIREMENT: it would need to be PUBLICLY DISPLAYED, using Gloria Anzaldua’s 7 Stages of Conocimiento~ A Reason to Keep Going! I decided I would take the rest of my last months in school; Healing the Latina Within. I was at a place in my life where I felt grounded more than ever, spiritually full of the Holy Spirit, I had been educated on grief and life adjustment issues. I felt ready to break down any walls that were holding me back from being the best me I could. While, I no longer trusted the universe; I trusted myself and I trusted Jesus! “Jesus I trust in thee!‚ÄĚ My soul was in a deep creative mode; I felt ready to let go of all that was familiar and even more ready to create my new reality.

The call from the District Attorney’s office was asking if I would be willing to be a witness for his latest victim trial. I immediately said all I knew was, I needed to meet her, I just wanted to hug the woman who beat him on the head with a bat, and I wanted to hear all the details hoping to myself the bat was metal. When I met Courtney our eyes met and I could immediately feel a bond between us as we shared the same look deep in our eyes that held a fear but a strength. She told me how a friend of her brought that bat over just a few days before, and said since she was a young single mom; she needed protection; she laughed and found it humorous; she never thought again about the bat; that would save her life.

The office of the D.A. explained I was the only way to prove sexual assault intent, since he didn’t actually assault her, he would basically get away with a slap on the hand without my testimony.

A couple of weeks later, I made my way from the waiting area room, the bailiff escorted me to a full Court room. Court was in session and I was called in to testify. I felt like I was entering a huge metal cage but the lion in me was gone as I felt the intense pressure of so many expressionless eyes all upon me. There was a jury sitting on the right; both sides of the room were full of people I didn’t know, I wondered what they heard, what they were thinking. As I made my first few steps into the room our eyes met, there “he” was he looked up and saw me entering the room; I will never forget that moment. The last time I saw him in court he was smirking at me with so much arrogance, this time when he saw me; his face dropped; he shook his head as if his worst nightmare had walked into the room. He shook his head, “no, in disbelief,” he looked as if all the confidence he held was zapped from him and he just knew that it was all over,” what a feeling. He was looking for power that night; he took mine; but little did I know it would empower me; and every look of my face would deplete him of his power.

Proverbs 21 promises when Justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.

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As I walked to the stand it seemed like the longest walk of my life; I felt my legs shaking, the air I inhaled, exhaled was brought to my attention and seemed a strange struggle. My body trembled and I wondered how my legs would hold me up because I felt my body so heavy; and would I be able to find the balance I needed to orchestrate them to do a motion for the first time ever seemed difficult… to walk.

In 2 Corinthians we are told we walk by faith; and that is what happened.

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The walk to the judge began, my eyes projected the seat I was motioned to sit at. I held on tight to my essence; as I began to fight a real intense tremendous fear. I used the judge as my focus, I was finally seated. The effort to get to the stand was overwhelming, and then when I finally got there; I was shocked when I swore in and heard my voice echo like thunder; it seemed so loud with the mic; I knew everyone would hear every word articulated, every emotion my words held. The questioning began I began to emotionally and verbally relive the complete assault, how I was taken; every detail done to me; how I feared for my life, and how I still live with the fear even today. As I tried to connect and make eye contact with the jury as I was instructed; I saw men looking at him in disgust; he didn’t represent being a man; and that reminded me once again; not to judge another. I saw different stories in the faces of each individual jury member; real emotions; maybe some holding past fears, each one cried at different parts of my journey, I saw compassion in the eyes of another soul who felt empathy, sorrow, disgust, and even pride when I shared the times I had learned to pick myself up time and time again. I found myself extremely emotional as I felt each connection with another human being I never even knew I would face that day; and may never face again. I felt it was my time for my story to be told, and it was our time together to make a difference. When I realized I was done; the District Attorney and the team had smiles of pride knowing after my emotional testimony, the verdict was automatically in! I stood up, I walked away tired but elevated. Courtney and I glanced at each other; with a tearful smile; knowing we did it; and would forever hold a special place in our souls for one another that no one else could quite understand. Even with my neck pains, I held my head up high as I walked away. He may have refused to lift his eyes or his head even; but my purpose was to prove intent, and that I did!

I walked out of the courtroom with a courage raised higher than ever before, I felt a good power. The kind of power that is achieved, not won by luck; not bought with money; not gained through inheritance, and not stumbled upon.

The phenomenal elevation pushed me to go inspire others with the realization that each and every one of us holds a power within given from every tragedy faced to encourage another soul with an understanding only the completely defeated can understand.

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If my spiritual testimony of faith has inspired at least just one other soul to find or strengthen their faith we can all celebrate giving thanks in adoration finding a new life and renewed spirit.

Luke 7 will forever echo in our mind, “Your Faith has saved you; Go in PEACE.‚ÄĚ


Michele Renee

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First Day of School, New Friendships, and maybe a little anxiety~

My daughter has been complaining of a stomach ache the past week she hasn’t been sleeping well the past couple of weeks either. ¬†ūüôĀ
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As a mom, we all have our drill; did you poop, what did you eat, are you drinking enough water all my questions left me clueless and a little concerned.
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Today the family decided to go to Six Flags
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so we could have fun in our last week before the busy schedules of the school year begins.  Miley is my 8-year-old mini-me daughter.
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My girl~ Miley (we call her Mymy).  Mymy will be entering 3rd grade in a few days; and I am not a huge fan of all the stress 3rd grade can bring to such a little soul just learning who they are; the fear is put in them in 2nd with all the Standardized Testing.
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We were finally able to spend much-needed one/one “alone” time in the wave pool.
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She just wasn’t feeling herself at all so wasn’t real active; I noticed the tummy aches would start right¬†before bed.
We shared an amazing discovery as we began to communicate~
Mymy began telling me she had a horrible nightmare the night before that left her sad.
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She went on to explain in the dream none of her friends from school liked her anymore;
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she said (fill in any mean girl name~ we all know one)
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“Bully” was telling everyone not to talk to her; saying she was mean, and bad¬†things about her that weren’t true, and they listened and believed her.
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After acknowledging how sad she must have felt after having a dream where you lose all your friends, I explained to her that dreams are very important like a clue but are not real. Dreams often hold a secret key into our unconscious mind.
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The unconscious¬†side of our mind holds some of our deepest fears, some we don’t realize, or won’t allow ourselves to bring to the conscious mind which is a defense mechanism to guard ourself.
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We have fears we are holding inside our souls and need to work on so we can be free at last.
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I told her when we dream many people strongly believe that God is talking to us, some say its our guardian Angel or the Holy Spirit with an important message from God… we should pay attention to our dreams! ¬†I told her maybe she was experiencing anxiety/fear about school starting in a few days. The ailments seemed to occur around the time we started our school count down and got her school supplies.
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She told me that she is excited to go back to school, she misses her friends; and wishes it would start already!  She actually does better on an active routine schedule and enjoys staying busy.  She did say that she wonders who her teacher will be and if they will be nice! She has been praying without fail for MS Glover Who she worked with in the summer. I explained sometimes even when we pray God gives us what we need instead of what we want; will her 2nd grade friends still remain her friend in 3rd grade; and will she make new friends or just be alone.  I told her that it was natural to feel excitement, curiosity, even some fear of the unknown, and anticipation on important days like the first day of school because everything is new; even as adults we still feel those kind of things during different moments where we are thrown out of the loop and into a different one.
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I told her that I thought it was amazing we were having this conversation because on this very morning; after waking up I prayed as usual and as always¬†I pray and ask God to give me a strong message that will reach the audience/people/person who needs it and it will assist. ¬†Just as I finished my prayer, I immediately saw a short article I began to read it. ¬†The article caught my attention because it was about one of my favorite things ever… Friends/friendships. ¬†I felt I was given my answer; ¬†and at that point I knew today’s blog subject would have something to do with friendship but very broad topic and I had already just written on friendship a few days ago I don’t prefer to be repetitive with my articles; especially within days of each other. I knew in my heart when the time came I’d have that A-ha moment when I realized exactly what my blog post¬†would entail or maybe even I just needed to add to or spruce up my previous write-up on friendship.
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FYI… The writing went on to say that older people and those near death were all providing a valuable consensus¬†on life during a research study. ¬†All agreed that¬†one of the main things in life they could truly say brought¬†them satisfaction is their friendships.
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Our friends are no doubt one of the most important blessings we have during our time on earth.
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We choose who will be our friends because we like that person.
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We enjoy that person and love the way we feel when we are around them.
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  • When we have difficult times in life; who is there to console us, make us laugh, and remind us of the righteous purpose
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  • OUR FRIENDS!!!!!
  • Who is there to celebrate life’s victory’s with us? ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†image¬†OUR FRIENDS!!!!7
  • Who accepts our flaws, forgives our mistakes, challenges us for positive growth, and always at least tries to understand us? ¬†YES YOU ARE CORRECT AGAIN ūüôā

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Our friends are the first people outside of our family who we trust.
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We will often share deep personal feelings and situations with our friends, that we wouldn’t even tell our own family; including our parents. ¬†We trust our friends so much that we not only appreciate but seek out their opinions and advice because they have similar values to us.

Birds of a feather, Flock together~
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Our friends continue to give us hope everyday!
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Sometimes our world is falling apart, and simply spending just a few minutes with our friend can bring our hope back.
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Some friends come in our life for a moment in time; to teach us what they were sent to and then they are gone, some we don’t see as often as we wish. ¬†There are some friends who we may never see again for numerous reasons… our time with them is just over; but we may always value our memories and the time we shared during our friendship.
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Some friends come into our lives and there is no way in hell we will ever let them go…we need them; and they need us, ¬†just the same BFF’s … it’s forever!!!!
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Some people we thought of as friends, but their only role was really to teach us what a bad friend is which helps us to appreciate our real friends.

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Some people have huge groups of friends they love to get together with other friends, family, and celebrate good times with when ever possible.
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Many people choose to keep just a selective few (only the ones they know are trustworthy and loyal) around as friends; been burned by too many bad friends.
#NoHypocriticalFlatterersNeeded.

Friends are super important in our lives no matter what role of friendship they specifically play in our lives; we love them all 100%.
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We begin to¬†get that feeling early in ELEMENTARY school that Friends are important and as we age and grow with wisdom, it is reiterated with a better¬†understanding of the type of friends we want and don’t want.
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Beautiful words are written in scripture about friends~

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will life up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to life him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

John 15:13 Greater Love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Proverbs 27:17 Iron Sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: Bad Company ruins good morals.  

David and Jonathan Make A Pact
David and Jonathan Make A Pact

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_and_Jonathan

“Whenever love depends on some selfish end, when the end passes away, the love passes away; but if it does not depend on some selfish end, it will never pass away. Which love depended on a selfish end? This was the love of Amnon and Tamar. And which did not depend on a selfish end? This was the love of David and Jonathan.

If we were never gifted with the wonderful gift of freewill; God would have it his way; and we would ALL to be friends and love our neighbors as we love ourselves..

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I told my daughter, God will send you friends, no doubt; you are funny, loyal, giving, trustworthy many people would love to have a friend like you.
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Everyone needs a friend; if you are a good friend another will want your friendship just like you want theirs.

You should never waste a day with worry.

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You treat your friends with the same love, respect, and loyalty that you would want for yourself.

The ugly truth is there are a lot of mean-spirited people in this world; HATERS are in abundance.
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Our wonderful kids are going to have to deal with “haters” in numerous settings beginning at such a young innocent age and for the rest of their lives they will be forced to deal with difficult people¬†in some way. ¬†Difficult people¬†don’t hold any power over us and our emotions unless we give it to them. If someone is saying mean things about you; real friends will never believe them because they know your true¬†heart.

I also reminded her that God loves for us to include him in our lives; and would love to hear about how she is feeling and even ask for his help.
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We can always ask God for courage and strength when we feel we need some help.
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I told her it was important to pray!  God is Always on our side!
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Make time to talk, spend time with God and let him know about these fears; and as a family we pray for each others needs.
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I reminded her that God is always around; we are never alone.
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God loves us.  People often admit they know God loves us all; but do they allow themselves to feel his love?

As we continued to communicate Mymy told me, she felt God his presence as we spoke; she often tells me she feels the holy spirit
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and describes¬†it as¬†such a beautiful feeling, she even shared with me she thought the feeling was so¬†powerful as we spoke; right there in the SIX FLAGS WAVE POOL she said, even the waves felt not just powerful but almost cleansing…
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as if it were Holy Water as each wave hit her face each wave removed fear and replaced it with her laughter. ¬†ūüôā

Maybe it was a sacred moment for her and God; maybe he did turn the wave pool into Holy Water, he does amazing things to water ūüėÜ!

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If you need to feel God; and need strength ask him tell him what you need; he knows your heart very well but he wants to hear your beautiful voice/thoughts and teach your children the same by your example.
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Even though you can’t see God… as some bearded man beaming up from the clouds above or lady forgive me God if you are, he is a part of everything in this world; ¬†he¬†is our Creator. ¬†God is present in our friends and the support they give; in our loved ones both living and deceased, a flower that brings us happiness,
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the wind that breathes a different life to us,
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a lit candle that represents hope,
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a beautiful sky that brings peace,

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the beauty of a bird in flight that reminds us one day if we choose we will all be forever free in paradise with God,
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the wonderful sun that radiates,

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the rivers that flow to remind you of eternity, the oceans that symbolize a bounty of relief,
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the smile of a person that changes our day AND all the colors of the color wheel to remind us we are unique

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but even more beautiful is the fact that EVERY single one of us is made in God’s image.

Genesis 1:27 God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

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God makes himself known all the time; but the more we ask him to see it; the more we will.
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The highest instance of human friendship is marriage

~Always marry your best friend!

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This blog tonight is dedicated to all our children who are beginning a new school year; and finding brand new positive friendships.  I pray that our children get exactly what they need to succeed!
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By the way; during our connection in the wave pool I realized that was my AHA MOMENT and realizing my own mini me needed this message, and I am sure many more loving, smart sensitive kids who think too much just like her are feeling a little overly excited!  Take some time to find out how they are feeling; sometimes just talking to someone is all they really need; never allow emotions to bottle up!!!!  When she was done talking she said her tummy ache was gone; we worry ourselves sick at times and we need to learn at an early age how to have FAITH.  

we need to remember LET GO and LET GOD!

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Be a Friend, Appreciate your Friends, and count your blessings