I am seriously always being backstabbed, throughout my whole life~ and no, I am not feeling sorry for myself but the truth is the truth. You can do so much for people, and all they will see is what you didn’t do. I am tired of being hurt and I think that is the point where people usually stop caring about others opinions or they just walk away. The amazing thing is how different a situation is to all the people involved, and they only see it through their eyes; so everyone creates their own individual memory of the truth of the current circumstances and the past.
The great thing I have learned is that no matter how convoluted the world around us gets, you learn at some point how to lift up from the clouds and make it happen. I think what is important is always making a time for reflection on all things, even during the terrible times.
Sometimes we learn to hide all our next moves, almost to protect the existence of them, because it seems like the more everyone knows your next move, they begin on working on getting there before you, or better than you, or just try to block your curve; and why? Why can’t we be more supportive to others? Why do we have to learn to protect ourselves so young? The great thing is when we learn early to not allow others to paralyze us; is a sad practice but with that guard up it seems we have our own St. Michael the Archangel sitting over our shoulder. I think the main thing we should really concentrate on is getting rid of all the toxic people who make us feel this is how life should be.
I need to remember to choose wisely, I need to wake up and be surrounded by those people who show support to me in me just allowing me to be me and living with all those positive things that bring my heart to its happiness.
The problem is that when your heart is huge, and you want to make allowances for people that treat you unworthy, is that we make too many “understandings” for them. Life is always going to deliver us with issues, and sometimes the difficult truth is some of us have felt abandoned by those we love over and over again. I know if someone doesn’t want me in their life any longer or for a while, what can I say…
I know how short life is, and when I think about one of the most important relationships, I have had that I felt I had to ignore, it finally has come to a time, where I have finally realized no one really won in the situation, you basically just missed out on past time together that you will never get back.
Sometimes I do feel that people come in and out of our lives for different reasons, and we must trust those reasons. We need to grasp those things and people that give us support. It is very easy to feel jealous when you see someone you love and so need sharing their life with others in their world but have shut you out. In a way, you feel inadequate, guilty, and sad. It is really hard when we have to leave people we love for a while when we love them so much see all the greatness in them, but for some reason, something about them brings about something toxic in our world. I would never want to be toxic to anyone I love, and if they feel I am, that isn’t for me to judge.
Ego is really something it can make people unbending forever if we let it, especially when people are so ever-changing and evolving. We may want to be open with another, but no matter what they don’t get it; because it isn’t about them needing to get it. Then there are those who just seem destined to always misunderstanding us.
Sometimes, the best thing is really stepping back and allowing people you love to figure things out for themselves. During tough times the hardest thing to do is what is the greatest thing that needs to be done, and that is simply holding your tongue, and not acting like you know all the answers.
Time! Time is sometimes what needs to pass, but then there is that catch 22 of missing those moments you can never get back.
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