Sometimes it is really hard to make a decision for yourself when you realize that so many people you love will not be ecstatic about your decision like you would hope them to be. I think it is such an uneasy feeling when people tend to judge your life choices or try to manipulate others to believe what they want them to be. I will pray for more acceptance from others, I will still do what I know is right for me in the end, but I really hope that they will understand I would never intentionally let certain people that I value down. I appreciate those who bring life to my life by encouraging me during my life and I will promise to be encouraging to those I love. Life is hard enough as it is we really don’t need to be so critical to one another. I think the difficult thing is that people want to be heard but don’t really want to listen to what others have to say.
As I sit here worrying about everything possible I can feel myself drained I go to my bible and am reminded.
Matthew 6:25 We wake up worrying about tomorrow and the next day, sometimes when all is done we realize we really didn’t have anything to worry about yet we spend our days worrying. Life gets us, with health, surprises, changes and we need to be prepared for change or making things right but worry will do nothing for us. God our father tells us not to worry and we as children do not listen. We make a habit of spending our time worrying about things out of our control. We can only give our all and when we can’t any longer its time to make a change taking into consideration what is the most important. Priorities!
We have some basic necessities in life, drink, eat, and shelter when any of those are threatened we can lose our sense because its only with those can we do better. Health ailments take a major toll believe me I have found that out the last few years our body is our sacred temple, if we don’t have that we have to work on that the best we can to be the best we can. If we have our health, shelter, food, and drink we are able to do anything with time but we can’t allow worry to sicken our mind.
Sad thing is no matter how hard we try and be better we are gonna be where God wants us to be, not where we want! The place we are is gonna differ a zillion times, and although my whole life I crave consistency and sameness my life is and will always be about the struggle of a climb. I just pray with time, I get higher and higher and someday all those who love/d me will be able to say she was more than a’ight!
We are told to respect those who work hard. Everyone in this world has many different jobs, we can spend a single day wearing so many different hats.
During different times in our life, the jobs change as well. One thing is true for each job we have ever had or will ever hold; we have to allow the force to take control that will drive us to show exactly what we are capable of.
There are many “victims” out there, who are waiting for the next person to “save them” or “rescue them” and finish off what needs to be complete but refuse to do it themselves. Don’t waste your life waiting around for another to always do for you. Every relationship takes work, if you can anticipate what is needed for your relationship, work and fulfill it. Many point fingers, many blame, and then wait for things to unravel, disintegrate, and then start begging and pleading for help, do it first, from the beginning, and if you didn’t, start in the middle, just start !!!!
There are people who come into our lives and open our eyes, we see things clearer. Those who warn you are usually looking out for your own good because they love you, like our parents should have. If someone is looking out for you, they are working for you in the highest regard because of love.
Dedication
Things won’t always be easy, but hard work and dedication keeps people to stay even when things get tough, rough, and sometimes ugly.
And it makes people leave when you realize they don’t !
Most importantly, wake up tomorrow and do it better, how can this be better today; learn from all the mistakes of before. The bible tells us “TEST EVERYTHING. HOLD ON TO THE GOOD. AVOID EVERY KIND OF EVIL”
Self Motivation
Life comes with daggers flying at us, we have to stay motivated to be at peace. If people aren’t working on what they complain about urge them too, staying idle is what the world tends to make us do, encourage our loved ones when weak.
Having people we love and care for is a blessing, especially during those certain times we need help and support. Specifically during family transitions dealing with all the stressful things life has to offer, like divorce, deaths, family additions, new jobs, health ailments, emotional issues, financial issues, moving; we are each battling our own struggles. Those who are loyal to us, makes all the daily stresses of life easier to battle because no matter what you know you have each others back. The loyalty, support, and help is not one-sided it is mutual; certain times we need it more other times they may but the dynamic of the relationship isn’t one-sided in a healthy relationship.
There are many who get upset when help is not always available to them because others may have other priorities.
People expect others to play a certain role in their life; and another may not want to play that role. It is unfair that family often creates a label for who we are a long time before we even figured out who we are. If you care for a person you don’t label them under others expectations you learn who they are after living and life has taught them differently. We need to understand, we are our own responsibilty; unless we are a child or disabled.
If we are waiting around for someone to take care of us we will run into nonstop conflict because it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility. In families we grow up in the same house; but as we get older each person makes their own choice some continue education, begin their families, join the military, start working…so many possibilities ~
Who we marry or choose as our life partner should be a priority; especially because that will ultimately guide where and how we will live. We are in control of what kind of life we will live and who we will live it with.
What we learn, choose to ignore, and the people we associate with all play a huge factor on our daily life. Sometimes family puts “friends” first, friends who have hurt their own family member and we begin to feel that even though we may share some DNA, there isn’t much else commonly shared.
My partner and I have been talking about this a lot lately, sharing with each other our feelings of complete disrespect by those we love, our memories of how things were so right at times and so wrong.
Our feelings of our many obligations in all the various relationships for those people we love so much. We often have spoken about the guilt we share even knowing we are under no obligation to others; especially those who don’t respect and love us back. We are both extremely giving people; and people have and will continue to take advantage of that not even noticing or caring about how we feel.
My Video theme for this blog is fitting perfectly. My blood that’s you my love
I gave birth to a struggle today, and left that baby at the firehouse!
Music Video Blog Theme~
I always follow my blog stats and my articles talking about God are never big hits, but let me have some hard times and vent and make a fool of myself and those stats start booming. ~ human nature I guess… so I am not expecting this article to get many hits; but those of you who read this may need it just as much as I do!
Today I need strength, and no matter how hard I try to look for those things that build me up, strong, and firm out in this world, it always is extremely temporary. I find peace in those who seem to hold me sincere, but a lot of those who have, can just as easily let me go…
People who have meant the world to me have betrayed me, but it doesn’t take long to come to the realization that I as a human being are subject to the same human fault whether it is intentional or not. It really makes me think about how hollow we as human beings can be, and how its easier to just let people go, blame them and not work together.
I remember times I felt lonely and found myself more willing to settle for the company I invited which in effect only caused me to feel so disrespected until I finally started realizing I was the one who was really hurting myself.
I struggle today because I have such a strong yearning to be so much more than a miserable angry human and some days I feel sad as if I am fighting against a world that doesn’t understand Love, Truth, and laughs at the idea of lighting the earth with Peace. Life is so hard, people attack, situations happen, people we love disappear and become strangers, people we need have their own needs, people we meet are not who they seem to be, sometimes we are looking~ looking and searching for our purpose and it seems the world around me is playing mind games, people are angry, mean, and think “winning” is shitting on everybody else. What are you winning, a shit parade?
For some reason, we are teaching each other that if we aren’t hot,mean, and on guard then we will be taken down. We will never achieve peace if we are busy fighting; the only way to find Peace is to be still; so if we need to find it in our own life; if we really feel we are just so out of sync and fighting battle after battle; it is so important to be still~ you will find that Peace; I do it with prayer.
Everybody acts like they don’t care what other people think yet we have a world of followers, ready to follow all the people the world says are cool by their own screwed up standards. People are so afraid to be taken advantage of once again and again that they give with conditions, strings attached. I remember my good ol’Auntie told me once, “Don’t ever loan money to someone you love and care about, and if you do you have to give it not expecting it back because if they don’t give it back it will ruin your relationship.”
I have often felt very proud of my loyalty only to find myself a lot of times feeling like a fool because of it.
I think one of the first lessons on my current journey is realizing that I am NOT my emotions, what ever it is I sense and perceive is based on so many factors and sometimes huge lies that the world will have me believe is the truth based on my own current and past experiences. Learning how to get out of the mind, and be free for the only time that really matters, the only time I am sure of, the present moment. Stopping the inner emotions, feelings, making them be silent is the best time to understand and that is when you will find wisdom.
In fact one candle, that lights another can create enough light for more to see!
All the things we were schooled to believe, to work hard to obtain… bigger, better, fancier… for what to impress people you really do not even like; how about realizing the contents you hold have little to no meaning. How about understanding that you are not living a life, but you are LIFE. You are the powerful vessel that will put the existence or disappearance of all things into your world. Accept the present as IS, don’t complain about how it should be or was supposed to be; but accept the present and always intend for a great tomorrow.
I need a powerful squad, the most powerful in existence fighting such a cruel world, I need to remember that nothing can strengthen me that is out in this world; only God can give me and empower me within.
Search for the Lord and for His strength, seek his family always~
Psalm 105:4-5
God promises to give us strength in any and all situations and this is exactly what has kept me so close to him, he never disappoints he is always there when I stop and allow him ~ I can feel the Holy Spirit fill my soul with a much-needed peace. The amazing thing is when I ask I am no longer confused, I am sure and secure he gives me the answers and guides my steps; and I trust him.
Even with the truth I forget who will never let me down, the devil fights hard to put doubt in my mind; but he/she will NEVER win!
Today’s blog is a simple reminder to all my loved ones, my supporters those reading this~if you are going through anything that is hard for you; God’s hand will uplift your doubtful soul turn your heart to him, and just talk to him.
Don’t rely on the judgments of the world, if someone doesn’t like me I can’t dislike them for their poor judgment, nor would I blame a blind person for not appreciating my physical attributes?
If I want LOVE, I need to just be me, not the protective, defensive, emotional person I have learned to be… but the person who is true, loyal, friendly, funny, insightful, understanding, down to earth, and giving…. when I am me, I feel the love!
I began this blog feeling lost and fearful, silencing myself and remembering the truth always works; I hope you feel better than before this read.
This beautiful rose is very meaningful ~ my grandma Mira is a beautiful spirit like this rose with thorns. She is delicate with amazing tenacity. She is grounded, earthy, yet exquisite in her beauty. My grandma was similar in spirit to her own mother Juana Maria/ Juanita we called “Ama”. Ama passed away in 1992 from ovarian cancer, when she passed my grandma took her planted roses from her yard and planted them in her own yard. I remember how Ama would tend to her roses and pick weeds from her yard with diligence well into her 80’s when it was her time to finally go home with our Lord. It is amazing how even when we leave this earth, so much of who and what we are continues on, in those we leave behind and even in the seasons we bloom on.
Waking up feeling a little wild in spirit, wearing my hair natural which I never do, because then my grandma tells me to comb it. The fight developed at an early age, hang on to that identity~
Growing up was a constant struggle of ~
rebellion usually won.
As middle age creeps in, I struggle with a lot of those same feelings and struggles that I have always brought to my awareness. I realize my own struggles help me to understand the differences we as individuals hold, and with wisdom I am able to know how real anger can develop~that originates from those that give us “the struggles” as we refuse to assimilate.
I have elders I respect and love but definitely bring back that feeling when all you want to do is “get out” break a way and try to make it on your own without ever looking back, move far away.
Parents often feel unappreciated, they get hurt, and frustrated and feel disrespected by their children. Parents feel they work hard to give everything they can to their children; and try to guide and teach them and don’t know why their kids can’t wait for that day to break a way. ..
The kids see greener pastures than the one they lived on… in the horizon, and they seem to have it all figured out. As parents we want to coddle them as long as possible and some want to push them out to show them, show them how easy they had it at home.
It is easy when parents take care of your needs financially, but not all the time when it is at the cost of peace of mind to some youngins. Some times people just want to be, and I mean be themselves in their own unique way. A boy wearing flowers in his afro as he walks to high school, a girl who wants to walk around in her steel-toed Dr. Martens with constant reminders of what/how they should dress. Why can’t a person stop trying to control how another person feels, or what another does if it makes them happy. Why be selfish to those you love by telling them how you think they should live, what you think they need to do, or what you think they need to become. Upholding images for the sake of who, and for what, what do “they”~ the ones who opinion you want to persuade have to offer you, and is it worth it, is it worth making someone you care about feel unworthy or less of a person?
Do you want people you love to want to get away from you, do you want people you care about live a life that includes avoiding you?
Acceptance is important to ones well being. Accepting someone for who they are while encouraging them in all they do will lead to their success in whatever it is they feel they need to do, and what God wants them to do. I am sorry, your child is God’s child first ~ way before yours. You may have your plan, your child may have their own, and God has his! Trust in God, pray… I am not condoning being an enabler to harmful behavior, but ask yourself would Jesus care about this, what would he do. Would Jesus put importance on making your San Antonio College student/child not feel bad for not attending Brown University you had envisioned their whole life. Stop asking why your family member is still single, when they are gonna have babies, why they aren’t working, why they live there, why they are pregnant again, why did they break up with…, why, why, why…. If your full of that much anxiety, PRAY!
So this is more of a visual blog to one of my favorite songs at this moment~ Fairly Local. I did a collaboration of all my favorite pics I have saved over the years that depict a meaning behind it. So this beautiful blog is loaded with almost 6 years of memories both good and bad; our life together to a song that touches on the meaning of each photo… The photos are put in a slide that meaning has to do with the lyric associated with the slide. ENJOY!
****short video made with pics and music since slideshow doesn’t contain music ; for a more exclusive effect 😉 <3
Full of feeling and meaning about what we have been going through the past couple of years; but especially with what I am feeling at the moment.
I’m fairly local
I’ve been around
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I’ve seen the streets you’re walking down I’m fairly local,
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good people now
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
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I’m evil to the core What I shouldn’t do I will
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For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. Romans 7:19
They say I’m emotional
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What I wanna save I’ll kill
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Is that who I truly am? I truly don’t have a chance Tomorrow I’ll keep a beat And repeat yesterday’s dance
Yo, this song will never be on the radio Even if my clique were to pick and the people were to vote
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It’s the few, the proud, and the emotional
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Yo, you, bulletproof in black like a funeral
The world around us is burning but we’re so cold
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It’s the few, the proud, and the emotional
I’m fairly local, I’ve been around
I’ve seen the streets you’re walking down
I’m fairly local, good people now
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [2x]
I’m not evil to the core
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What I shouldn’t do I will fight
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I know I’m emotional
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What I wanna save I will try
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I know who I truly am
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I truly do have a chance
Tomorrow I’ll switch the beat
To avoid yesterday’s dance
Yo, this song will never be on the radio
Even if my clique were to pick and the people were to vote
It’s the few, the proud, and the emotional
Yo, you, bulletproof in black like a funeral
The world around us is burning but we’re so cold
It’s the few, the proud, and the emotional
I’m fairly local, I’ve been around I’ve seen the streets you’re walking down I’m fairly local, good people now
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [3x]
I’m fairly local, I’ve been around I’ve seen the streets you’re walking down I’m fairly local, good people now
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah
I’m fairly local, good people now Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Good people now Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Good people now Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
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